stew pot...

For the last couple of days I've been feeling pretty reflective. I think that the idea of moving out of the city has made me thoughtful and I've given myself up to this sort of mood. It's not that I'm unfeeling....but I suppose its more like numb.

When I think of leaving the city, I leave the only other place I have ever called home. It's a huge step that I feel ready for. Should we really move out of here there is lots to look forward to in the new city. The cost of living is cheaper, as is the rent. There are many more jobs in the new city that I'm thinking of. I'll be closer to a couple of people that my entire family really love. Oh so many things......and yet.....I'm still hesitant.

What do I really want for my family? Well, I want us all to have enough, u know? Be able to buy them shoes when they need it.....or a new backpack when the old one rips. Be able to have all my bases covered.

Last month...my mother finally moved out. She's gone and its like a weight has been lifted. Her leaving was uneventful and the only little curve she threw at us was that she refused to give me the keys for the side door. She planned to give them back to the landlord. Jeez!! I talked to my brother and told him it makes no sense. I'm the one who has always paid the rent to the landlord and the lease is in my name....it's my house and I want my keys. (which I also made copies of for them!) So a couple of days later he showed up with the keys.

I'm selfishly happy that my mom has moved. She has sworn everyone she possibly could to secrecy about the location of her new house. Yeah, that didn't last long. My brother works at the same store I do and he handed his change of address into the office....and guess who works in the office? Yeah, me. So I know where they live......about a 10 minute drive from me. I wonder how Mom will manage? She hardly paid her rent to me and usually not on time....and she had no other bills...I paid the phone, cable and net......and of course, utilities. How will she manage? I've told my brother that if he ever needed a place to stay, he can always come back.

So now my basement is empty. It's a 2 bedroom apt. And just yesterday, 2 friends of mine called and asked to rent it. I'm so surprised. I think the best way to turn friends into enemies is to live with them.....so I declined. And besides....I'm thinking of getting our ticket out of here, right?

So shall I tell you of my most recent horror?

I bought tarot cards.

I think it'll help me more in my reflective moods. Perhaps help me gather my thoughts. I'm so excited about the cards that I picked......I'm in love with them. I've yet to do more with them than just touch them........

Oh yeah....today is my brothers 18th bday....WOW!!