The hijab....
....has come off. Call it finding myself, call it weakness......but for now, I no longer wear hijab.
I've been thru the most trying time in the last couple of years and I really don't feel like a flag of islam, if you know what I mean.
Taking off my hijab doesn't mean I am no longer muslim.
It only means...that I now fall into that group of women who chose not to wear it.
I've had it with my radical view of Islam. The religion that gave me rights that I could never enforce. For now, I'm a progressive muslim.
I'm still doing the tv shows and will still be active in the community.....
I just can't tell you how it felt to go outside and feel that brisk cold air on me...... and even though I felt good, I couldn't stop those voices. The ones yelling at me.... HARAAAM!
I hear them when I laugh. I hear them when I dont feel like cooking dinner. Although many things are changing, those voices stay the same.
I cannot be ruled. I WILL NOT.
posted by Safa at 4:24 AM
45 Comments:
I've btdt too hon. I hate it when people think women have to wear hijab or they are not Muslim. It does seem like it's the flag of Islam. You have to find your own path, whether it is the same as someone else's or not.
What have your daughters said? I guess you will accept if they decide to take it off as well?
Beautiful picture!
Hugs from cold Michigan!
4:46 AM
All of us are on this new path. We talked about it together as a little group of women. Saying our pieces and sharing our tears. It was very emotional.
So all of us have put our feet down on it.....walking softly and being careful not to step on the flowers because yes, there are flowers.
In this day and age, everyone is looking for roses.....and you know what? I'm just happy for dandelions....I've always thought they were misunderstood......
Tks for the kind words....
4:50 AM
safa you must do what you want and feel who am I to judge?live and let live.I take people as they are if they are black,yellow green or purple with or without hijab.
take care,love amina
6:36 AM
Peace Safa,
Safa, you need to do what you must to make yourself feel good internally. I have done pretty much the same. I try to dress modestly but the hijab has come off too. Hearing the comments from people seems so minuscule in comparison to the hurt I've been through in the past. You could say I'm progressive however, I like to say that I'm being honest and true to myself about my faith towards God.
Love always,
Pamela
7:08 AM
Safa - You do what you feel is best for YOU and YOU ONLY. Yes, there will be those who have to be the "religious police" because they feel it is their need to do so. Don't mind them. Islam is in your heart, not on your head.
I have also taken off hijab. I have tried to wear it here on several occasions but it wasn't working out for me. I can't be safe here with it on, pure and simple. But it doesn't change WHO I am. I still have my beliefs, my faith. And in a way, I can talk more about Islam to people without them looking at me as "radical".
One day I will wear it again. But for right now, this is how it is.
BTW I love both pictures. :)
Love and lots of hugs!
9:09 AM
It is a part of the transformation process that many who are divorced have gone through. I've known numerous sisters who chose to either quit praying, remove the scarf, dress in a more western way, or isolate themself. Most have then gone back to what they were doing before but felt that it was necessary to find themselves. They needed to make sure they were doing it because they wanted to and not because of pressure from someone else.
There will always be people who yell haraam at you no matter how you are dressed. Put a scarf on that bare head! Take those jeans off and put on a jilbab! Can you please wear a bigger hijab! Cover your face! I can still see your eyes! It's neverending. You have to do what you feel is best for you and most pleasing in your own personal relationship with Allah.
11:21 AM
Dear Safa,
Your so pretty. You don't look a day over 25. Follow your heart. :)
Amira
11:29 AM
I am so glad that you are following your heart - I have never believed that covering was a necessity - I truly believe that it is between you and Allah - and Allah knows what is in your heart and that is how we will all be judged. When I am in Canada (except when I was with you) I did not wear the scarf - it was wonderful - there are so many times I am 'tempted' not to wear it here - but here I do believe it is 'better' for me to wear it as I blend in more. And I really do not like sticking out like a sore thumb. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your wonderful family. Keep up in the loop.
8:59 PM
What to tell you, safa...I also removed my hijab after my husband left me, 99% for financial reasons. My husband was (and is:) from the Gulf, so u can imagine...I stayed at home all day, or even if I wroked, it was in Kuwait:)
Now im back in my country, that is not very rich...damn, its POOR! I have to work.
What else could I do?
I dare anyone to judge me (hell, my husband didnt even maintained me for the obligatory 3 monthses...)
I dont live in the States, where muslims have CAIR and other organizations...Here if u wear hijab, most likely u die from hunger...Of course, my husbands family triumphes, hehe and say, this is a sign I was never really a muslim...:P
whatever.
3:14 AM
btw...u r beautiful. really. mashallah.
3:15 AM
Congrats, Darling. Soon it will be spring -- i see you are ready to blossom!
7:40 AM
Sounds like you, the butterfly, are breaking out of your coccoon! You and your girls do what is right for you! BTW you look great without the hijab!! I know you searched your soul to do this, hugs to you!
9:47 AM
you look beautiful w/ the hijab. you look beautiful without it.
what do ur girls think?
2:54 PM
Safa you look so pretty!!:-) You ahve to do what is best for you!And wow, you will be doing TV shows that is cool! Will we will able to watch them on the internet???
:-)
4:34 PM
Safa, I won't say that I am gleefully happy that you took it off. Actually my heart kindda sank. Not because I am sad but because.. well I don't know. Actually I feel kindda nervous and I don't even know why. Because I don't think that you are a bad muslim. maybe I just got nervous all of a sudden because it was something so unexpected. But how can I say that because, bless your heart, you have been through so many trials and tribulations that could shock the hijab off anyone.
Actually I have tried to do the same thing. But being married to a very religious, bearded sheikh, it proved to be a hazard for me. lol.
I am not critizing you, because you are someone I admire. You are an inspiration to so many of us. I have some questions though..
What does it feel like to walk outside and feel the wind blowing through your hair?
Were you scared to walk outside the first time without it? What was that like?
Were the girls open to it or did they try to fight off the idea?
Anyhow, Mashallah, you are very beautiful with and without the hijab. And you have lost LOTS of weight. Very nice.
5:52 AM
Safa, Allah knows what is in your heart and in your head (even when it is not covered!) Do what is best for you. You look about 30 years younger, it is absolutely amazing...I hope that no matter what you are doing, you are taking care of you and the kids...take time everyday to just BE.
2:08 PM
Safa, Allah knows what is in your heart and in your head (even when it is not covered!) Do what is best for you. You look about 30 years younger, it is absolutely amazing...I hope that no matter what you are doing, you are taking care of you and the kids...take time everyday to just BE.
2:08 PM
Safa I can understand this feeling of wanting to feel free and doing what you want and just ridding yourself of anything and everything that reminds you of hubby.
However, one of the parts of islam is sincere advice to a muslim. i think u are a great sister with tons and tons of patience mash'allah.
and i'm not going to condemn you but i will sincerely say that i know its hard. its really hard. and i also know that you know your deen so insh'allah i pray that Allah will give you the strength to do what is right.
you and i both know that in today's age, forget hijab but if u do anything that is against the teachings of Allah, there will be many to cheer you on. and i think its kind of sad that you had so much 'support' for the wrong on these coments today.
the messenger taught us to support your brother when he does good and when he does wrong. so i urge you to be patient, to pray and really reach out desperately to allah to relieve you of the emotions that yur going through and to make islam easy to practice. period.
the ex was not a great guy and this is simply a test. a test of freedom to see what you will do with it.
don't forget to look at it as a test. all of life is a test. a test.
a test.
to see who is the best of us in deed.
Naureen
2:47 PM
May Allah reward you, naureen....I love your viewpoint and your concern....
But at the moment...you are like the voices I hear in my head....telling me that I'm wrong....yelling at me....
I'm so exhausted from that aspect of myself....exhausted...
And the ones who come here and offer support....I don't see it as encouragement....I see it as sisters holding out their hands saying.....we've been down that same path.....
and you aren't alone if feeling as you do....
and you aren't alone in reacting as you do...
It's those hands of support, not judgement that carry me some days.....
(not saying ur judging...I hear your gentle voice and love you more)
Besides all that...I posted this, because I WANTED to hash it out with everyone...love the differences of opinions....love you all...
3:11 PM
You have always been beautiful to me. Either way, you ARE beautiful. Your beauty goes much deeper than the outward covering (or lack thereof...lol)
And what UmmAbdurRahman said in her first paragraph........yep, that's where I am too, one of those places she talked about. And it all boils down to finding yourself. We are no longer who we were or thought we were. And we'll never even be able to be the "self" that was before all that. We have to find our new selves. The here and now.
I love you. More than you know. My computer crashed back in December and I have lost your e-mail address and phone number (we never did have that conversation, huh? lol) If you still have mine, please e-mail me so the address will be in my webmail box.
And thank you so much for the sweet comment you left at my place. It meant a lot to me when I read it.
*hugs*
Maggie
4:44 PM
Well, Safa, I'm only going to reiterate what I mentioned in the email yesterday, and what others have said here. Basically full support. I don't view what you have done as "wrong," not at all. I did it and it was the best thing I ever did for myself. Sometimes that piece of cloth can keep you from experiencing your full life, your full potential, even your connection to the divine. Sometimes it doesn't. Maybe that's because we're all different...
10:26 PM
tks so much for your great email, Mepeople.....glad to see you here.....(hugs)
Maggie....ur special....love you!
6:28 AM
Safa, I am glad that you are doing what is simple and doable for you.
Revel in the wind. Run your fingers through that hair a dozen times a day. Simple things that YOU CHOOSE TO DO.
You will always have my support.
2:08 PM
safa will the girls continue to wear theirs? what do they think of you not wearing it?
5:13 AM
They've taken off theirs as well....
8:56 PM
safa how did they feel when they did it? Did they feel relief, or were they scared something bad would happen if they took them off? I say it because when I decided to stop being muslim (i know is not your case!) i couldn't make myself eat pig for example ,becuase something inside was saying nooo is haraaam....it took me a year to accept I could really do what I wanted, but leaving the things you are forced to accept/do and gain freedom is not easy, it takes lot of psycological weight...
12:10 AM
It is my belief that if you follow your heart, be true to yourself, do no harm, love and feel loved, embrace the goodness of the winds that are blowing in your hair and in your heart, then you are on the right path.
God is within you in all of this that you carry inside you and give onto others, and you carry with an encouraging sense of beauty and love. To me this is God.
You are beauty divine, with or without, in islamic terms that would be noor shining from your face.
As long as I have "known" you your heart has, although used as a punchbag for another, done nothing but good towards others. How can such a heart be wrong?
Hugs hugs hugs from Norway!
1:34 AM
Hugs and support!
12:05 PM
Salam dearest Safa, I've learned so much from your journey and though here adn there I'm sure we would do things differntly but masha'Allah no one can doubt that for you, you must do what makes you feel like a whole woman again.
I will not say taking off hijab is good because I do see it as Fard. Yet being Muslim is the biggest Fard and everything else wrong after that are sins, be they prayers, hijabs, zakats, saums etc... as long as you remain strong in your faith. That Allah guides you to what is right then I know in the end you'll succeed.
I support you fully and lovingly. Many times when i was first Muslim my hijab was on and off sometimes within the same day. I'd like to believe in the future I'll always wear it but I think if someone has gone through as much oppression as you have by a man that can hardly be called Muslim, one can certainly understand your reasons for needing more room to breathe.
I do hold your hand.
No matter what sins may befall us we sister have to KEEP holding hands. I'm not a perfect Muslim I have my sins which may be worse than yours but if we keep struggling and fighting our way up then insha'Allah we'll be winners.
May Allah make you a Winner.
4:27 PM
Salaam, Safa;
I often wondered if you would continue to wear the hijab. I thought that you might not -- but I wasn't sure you'd share that step in your journey with us.
I have to say that even though I myself currently wear hijab, it's not because I believe it's fard, at least not here in the West. Perhaps not anywhere. I won't go into my own journey in your comments; just not appropriate, eh? :)
I fully support your choice, and the choice your daughters have made. And I fully support your right to make that choice, and do not believe that you should be subject to anyone, anywhere, telling you what's right or wrong. You are strong, and you are beautiful, and you are brilliant. You have the ability to make such determinations on your own.
I remain, as always, in awe of you. Masha'Allah. :)
7:58 PM
I'm hoping for your comfort. This 'journey' is a difficult one and it is going to leave you even more difficult decisions to make. I think it is good that you are exploring options and feelings.
Did it feel really good to feel the wind in your hair?
6:25 PM
I just want to say hugs to you, and I am glad that you have felt comfortable to share your journey through all these changes with all of out here in the cyber-ummah. You are brave for so many reasons. I'll say that you could have lightened the hijab before taking it off, but where you are at with that is a personal thing. I know there are so many things going on in your life right now.
I am happy to hear about the TV shows because I think you are an insightful woman and I hope you will let us now where to watch them!!!
9:21 PM
Safa,
You know I love, love, love you to death but I think it is important for me to say something.
You said
I cannot be ruled. I WILL NOT.
BUT the true form of Islam is exactly that
100% submission. If you submit to Allah, swt, then you are being ruled by the things he say to do and not do.
I am not judging you. HOWEVER as your sister in Islam and YOUR LOVING friend I am reminding you that we are suppose to take part in what is good and run from things that can and will lead us to the hell fire. I am not saying to be perfect; we cant. BUT I am saying this is HUGE. While I can say I support you 10000000% in finding yourself and feeling free and becoming your own person that indepandat strong woman I always knew you were. I cant standup and clap for you when my heart hurts for you.
I know this feeling i did this 6 yrs ago. I was in a place in my life that i took off my hijab for a few months. BUT Alhumduillah I put it back on. I never took it off and inshaallah I never will becuase i found out THIS IS who I Am. I AM A MUSLIM woman and as such I must do things I may not want to do. One of them is covering my a$$. I would love to let it all hang out but I dont because I HAVE to submit to Allah. So maybe when you hear that voice you should listen. Maybe it is not your enemy but your friend. It is a part of you telling you , warning you to do what you know deep down is right......be happy you have that voice because when it leaves you .........you should be afraid......very afraid
Much love
11:17 PM
I'm going to say what no one else in 33 comments has said.
What you have done is wrong.
I'm not saying it to judge you. I'm not saying it to hurt you. And I'm certainly not telling you something you don't already know. I'm saying it to you FOR MY SAKE. Because on the Day of Judgment, when we stand before Allah, I will be asked how I reacted to this open transgression. So I'm being selfish, trying to save my own skin.
And I urge you to be selfish, too. I urge you to rack up those good deeds, do the things that Please Allah, and live as the Prophet has advised us to live, as if this world is a prison.
May Allah help us all.
12:35 PM
Salaam, MW:
Wow.
Did you *really* just call Safa's removing of the hijab an "open transgression"? Really?
Subhana'Allah, when you know all that she has suffered! You know what I call an "open transgression"? It's when a man deserts his own wife and children. Something that creates pain and agony for the ones who must deal with the repercussions of his actions. What's even worse that Safa isn't alone in this. It happens to good, pious, faithful Muslim women everywhere.
But removing the hijab? It doesn't matter if you believe the hijab is sacrosanct for Muslim women. It's just a piece of cloth. Wear it or do not wear it: it isn't going to actively harm anyone.
The irony is that Safa's husband, who has openly transgressed against the commands of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, can still be assured of a welcome, can still be assured of acceptance, regardless of which community he's in. But Safa, without her hijab, who has done nothing so vile and evil, must deal with being ostracized from the community over a piece of cloth.
1:08 PM
I realize that part of being a practicing muslim woman, includes the wearing of hijab. And for removing it, I accept the punishment that Allah will set forth for me. And you know what? I'm not asking for Allah's mercy....I hope that I bleed for it.
Asking for mercy is for cowards. My ex was a coward. And that was always his excuse..."Allah is merciful"....and he justified every haraam thing he did, by saying that phrase.
So the scarf has come off....yup. And you know what more?
I still refuse to be contained .....
6:36 PM
I really wish we (Muslims) could do a little more looking at our own open transgressions than pointing the finger at others and saying, "but I have to do this b/c God says so." (There is only One Way to understand Islam, those of us who don't follow *your one way* will all burn in hell). I have long followed this sister's painful journey, like most of you have. If the "worst" thing she does is take off her hijab, so be it. I'm just happy this sister still has her *sanity* and sense of humor and you know what?
Having the wind in your hair and the sun shining on it is *awesome* and beautiful and we all *DESERVE* beauty in our lives, however we choose to recognize that beauty... and btw, you can be without a cloth on your head and your "A$$" (as it was put) is still covered, b/cuz there is a lot of space between wearing niqaab and khimaar and wearing hoochie clothes.
6:36 PM
Preach it, Meep Peep!
8:53 PM
Safa this is all a reaction yur having obviously to everything you went through. but u knwo what, in your feelings and emotions, my dear sister, think about what u are saying.
u don't ask for Allah's mercy. who amongst us can say such a thing?
who asks to be punished?
12:40 PM
oh i just read your coment to my earlier comment. im glad u see my love and concern cuz ive really grown to feel like i know you as i guess so many of us have.
i think as someone who feels so much support for you, i think i've said my piece and offer my support as always.
please be reassured im not judging you cuz im not. actually ive been through similar stuff but in a different circumstance.
I hope insh'allah this process will lead you to bigger and better things.
i thnk u guys are going through a lot and i cant even begin to figure out how a man and a father can do this but i guess thats another story for another time.
12:46 PM
I have never commented before, mostly Safa because I didnt know what effect my words would have. They're just the well wishes of a stranger who has followed your journey through and through and wanted to desperately see you thrive and succeed. You have been through so much and I admire and respect all that you have done, and are doing. What makes me speak out today was MW's comment.
I was really upset by it. I am a defensive friend, and after reading it, I felt like a close friend of mine was being attacked.
I was upset by the tone, if you are not judging her, and only saying it for selfish reasons, that what she has done is wrong (and maybe hurt her feelings in the process) what does that say about Islam as a religion-that it is a selfish religion which teaches us to point out others flaws for our own gains? Really?!! A peaceful and beautiful religion wants us to look at a person struggling with life, and kick them down so to speak because their interpretation is different than our own of a religion where MUCH is left open to interpretation?
Anyways, my reason for this post was NOT to get entangled in comment 'wars' and I will not respond after this. I just wanted Safa to know, that for every naysayer there are 10 supportive ones. Sometimes we are silent, but we wish you well nonetheless.
5:01 PM
Safa,
When I was trying to find the last post I had read of yours so I could find my place on where I needed to start reading tonight, I saw this picture and didn't even think it was of you! It's amazing how different you look. You could be covered in a burlap bag and it's evident that you are a beautiful person. But when you actually see YOU...you are truly beautiful.
I laughed at a previous comment about how you looked 30 years younger....I really don't think you look 7 years old, but you do look younger! :o)
7:14 PM
MABROOK! and welcome to the sisterhood ;-)
Love you SOOOO much!
PM
8:38 AM
You know my thoughts, dearest Safa. No one's heart is truer than your own. I'm behind you 100%-cloth or no cloth.
9:51 AM
BTW, you look FANTASTIC. I agree w/ the above comment-w/ hijab w/o hijab...your face looks alive. You look alive.
9:53 AM
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