Happy Eid..........
I'm dragging.
I seem to continue taking 2 steps forward and then suddenly, 2 steps back. Will it always be like this? I just seem to get one side of the scales all balanced up and then the other side goes wacky.....and the middle of all this.....money.
So I need to start looking at solutions.......
~~~~
I had a heart to heart with my mother. It really didn't go well. Rather than her listen to me and work with me, she got all defensive and stomped off to her room. Sigh. How can I deal with that? She's been in her room for 2 days now......and today, started refusing to eat....she drank a can of meal replacement instead of my food. Yeah, that's okay. Stupid. Stupid. Petty games that I have no time for. So I just ignore her.
And then today something just kinda snapped. It snowed. So my brother went out with my oldest with the 2 shovels my mom bought......and they made $46 shoveling driveways. So they come home and the 13 yr old says next time it snows, she wants to do that too. So my brother goes up and mentions that to my mom. Oh no, she won't have it.....she tells him that the shovels are for him and my oldest. Not for the other daughter.
So he comes and tells me that. And I say, WHAT? Why does she always do that? Try to break in the middle of my kids? It's not the first time. And I say, I will not ALLOW my family to be divided.
He tells her. She stomps downstairs, starts yelling at me. I answer quietly and calmly. But I'm pissed.....she at least could have gone in the room to talk. But NO...she wants to embarass me as well. Oh, I'm so mad!! And its not just this silly thing.....its other things too.......
I pay all the rent, the hydro, the cable and phone.......and all she is supposed to do is keep food in our house. AND our fridge is empty! I've been going to the foodbank twice per month, but I don't know what she's doing with her cash!!! Oh yes, and gas in the car.....which is just about empty too!
So she yells at me that she can move. And I tell her, if she wants to, thats fine. Oh, but I wish she would. I really do. I've done my best by her, and if she continues to disrupt my home life, I don't need it.
I specifically told her....."I like my house to be peaceful, not a war zone..." And she's done her best to create it the way I don't want.
Oh boy. Rant, rant, rant!!!!!!
~~~~~
And Eid is right there.....looking me in the eyes and I'm just..............sigh. No slaughtering, no sweets........no new clothes..........so much nothing. And I don't know what to do. I can't afford to go to Toronto.....so I think we'll just pray here in my city. It's going to be a hard day.
~~~~~
So here, enjoy this.....I watch THIS and I find it calming.......I've also been listening to Andrea's Resta Qui.......HERE......
posted by Safa at 11:49 PM
17 Comments:
Safa I'm sorry is hard on you with you mum. This Eid might not have new clothes, sweets, etc, but it will have you and your children away from the crazyness of exhubby. You together can create new Eid traditions.I'm sure it will be fine and even if it is not as good as other times, it will get better for next Eids.:-)
6:29 AM
You were lucky enough to get away from your husband but are now realizing a whole new set of challenges. You have dealt with challenges before and you will deal with them again. Best wishes and Happy Eid.
UAR
9:49 AM
ahhh safa, i read your post with the heaviest heart cause i feel ya sis.
the mom living with you...you know i went through that too and it was chaotic at best.
you know, just remember she's your mom. she's getting older and may start to act even sillier as she advances...sometimes its just best we dont live with our moms.
and i know how hard it is to go from having everything you wanted to scraping by on what you have. im there too.
and facing holidays with nothing. there too.
keep your faith...keep your eyes toward Allah. He knows what youre going through. He knows how hard it is.
i know you havent written anything for a long long time and i did take note when you changed your profile pic from the necklace to the little character who doesnt want his heart anymore. i was so sad when i saw this change and i knew you were suffering.
no matter what you dont have....have a good eid with your children. just being together is the most important. together and healthy.
jana
2:29 PM
Hugs to you! It's not easy to keep everyone together and sad your mom is acting so childish!
5:20 PM
i wouldn't think too much about the mom think-soemtmies when parents are old they do strange things.
but it still hurts doesn't it. why can't mom support me instead of standing in my way and being another 'thing' i have to deal with.
safa if it makes you feel any better, my last two Eids in egypt have been probably the worst eids of my life. The first Eid-hubby's family was having issues and we travelled ON Eid day-kids didn't dress up in new clothes-nothing.
strange.
Second eid-we're all sick and didn't visit anyone and NO ONE VISITED US!!! i'm so shocked and hurt to see that my hubby's family is like fair weather relatives.
we're supposed to 'show up' to this event and that event and when we're sick like hell, no one even bothers to come by and see if we're still alive or we just need a little help with the kids. Just sad.
Anyhow, maybe that'll help you feel a littttle better about your Eid. Your're not alone Safa!!!!
You have us! We might be far from you but I think about you and im sure many other readers do as well and make dua for you!
Naureen
p.s. hey safa..do you know anything about wills in egypt? I want to have a document saying that if my hubby and I pass away, that the kids should go to my parents. How and where do i go to get that done?
7:04 PM
Safa: I am so sorry to hear of the trials that you are required to bear - makes one wonder about the judgement of Allah that he gives us no more than we can bear - hmmmm -- seems you are overloaded. Do not ever forget that when one door closes Allah makes sure that there is a window or another door open - it is up to us to find it.
I received this as part of an email - so true - "When God leads you to the edge of the cliff, trust Him fully and let go, only 1 of 2 things will happen, either He'll catch you when you fall, or He'll teach you how to fly! 'The power of one sentence!". Replace God with Allah and you are good to go.
Maybe it is time to for you and your family to be on their own - having your mom around was great and gave you a chance to find your feet - you may be a bit wobbly yet - but maybe it is time for you to be on your own. Time for her to be on her own. I believe it will be hardest on your brother, and that is a shame. But it is time for Safa to be in charge of her life and the life of her children - transition period is over - now the really hard work begins. Safa needs to stand on her own and make her own way. Your girls do not need any more fitnah in the home than is already there just by virtue of themselves being teenagers. You have what it takes - know this and never forget it - you are never alone - Allah is but a prayer away - He is always walking beside you - waiting for you to stretch out your hand and he will carry you.
I know I am rambling - but I feel your pain - and your uncertainty - and your frustration and all the angst that is in your life now. DO NOT LOOK BACK. You have made great strides - now it is time to make even more of them. Check into subsidized housing - get on the list - the fact that you are a single parent with five kids should help your case. And take care of yourself - get to the gym - work out the stress - if you are not fit you cannot lead your family in an appropriate way.
Love you, miss you tonnes.
Maureen
6:53 AM
i dont think kicking out your mom will make God all that happy and shame on anyon for suggesting that!
12:35 PM
I agree with egianqueen. You really should check into subsidized housing. If you could get in there I think it would help you out alot financially in helping to save money.
2:32 AM
salaam safa
I know how it is to have eid "alone".But I have found a solution for me and my kids,to get a kind of eid feeling.and it doesnt have to cost much,and my kids are happy with it.
I also know how it is to live with mum,for 1 year.been there done that.insha allah you will find a solution or a way for it.I will keep you in my prayer and make du'a for you.take care,love amina
10:43 AM
Dragging along with you...:-(
Mothers and daughters living together as adults. Too hard. Been there couple of years back.
After being independent for so many years that is not a constellation that is healthy for the relationship.
We fought like cat and dog.
Should it ever come to that again I will rather live in a roundabout.
I like to be friends with my mom. Living with her that was not possible.
Of course you don`t throw her out, but it`s not working. Accept, find another solution and move on so she can be a positive in your life again.
Wishing you a peaceful weekend and the strenght to trottle on...
Hugs!
9:34 AM
Been trying call. Phone just rings.
7:25 PM
One day at a time. The only moment of concern is now, There is no tomorrow and yesterday but a memory, pain is only a mixture of disrupted memories.
Celebrate the fliting of each butterfly and make your duas outnumber the flakes of snow.
Life is a series of tests we get weak and that is when we tie a knot in the rope. Rope burns fade, but make it easier to hold on when you have to carry yourself and the others too.
Life goes on, with each test you are closer to the goal and a crown of honor.
Salaam
3:56 AM
Hey Safa,
Its kinda hard at every age to have a mother who is breathing down one's neck. I know you are making allowances for her age but at that age, somehow, most mothers think they have a right to be 'taken care of' and not do anything the way their children request them to. She thinks she knows what's best...I believe she means no harm, even when she causes some like the snow shovel case.
Its a hard situation...I feel for you because I'm in the same situation yet I haven't proven myself in the face of difficult events like you have... I really hope everything takes a turn for the better.
Love you.
5:43 AM
hang in there, Safa. everyone has offered great perspectives/advice. Remember the hadith about looking at those who are less than us in blessings to remind us of how blessed we are. Masha Allah, there are many blessings around you...your health, your children, your deen, your intelligence, your strength...May Allah continue to bless you in every way. Ameen.
6:35 PM
I'm sorry this comment comes so late. I've had limited internet access, so I didn't get a chance to read the email. As for your mother...well, this is tough. You need to decide if the good outweighs the bad. Why does she try and divide the kids? Why favour the eldest daughter over the 2nd eldest? Is there a greater culprit in all of this? Perhaps depression on her part? Perhaps money needs to go into a pot, and you need to manage all the funds coming into the house. Would she be open to that? Can she be trusted to manage all the funds? If nothing else, peace and harmony in the house is an absolute necessity. Sounds like the two of you need to get to a park somewhere w/ a couple of sandwiches and really hash this out-no kids in the audience.
I know Eid must have been hard, but times like this is when faith is most sustaining. Endure, Safa dearest. Endure. This will get better.
9:38 PM
SubhanAllah I agree with Photo: take your mom to a place where no kids are and have a heart to heart where she can't possibly stomp off a little yelling fine but no stomping inshaAllah. SubhanAllah I'm worried about this too if I ever have to live with my paretns again. Two months was sooo long when she visited me and I'm grimly facing years in the future. Love my parents but there was a reason I moved OUT.
4:16 PM
re reading this... Did your hubbex ever call the children for EID? Has he sent you any form of help or even some money for EID?
7:05 AM
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