A telling and a revelation.......

Its been quite awhile since I've been having any dreams. It seems I fall to sleep in a fit of exhaustion, replenish myself and then wake up....... My sleep serves a purpose now.....the dreams don't exist.....

Until last night..........

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I'm walking up a steep hill........it's a tough climb, but I'm bearing it well. Oh, I'm huffing and puffing.....but doing it. When I get to the top, I find that I'm standing on what appears to be the top of the subway cars. It's these long rectangles of grass with splits between the ends.....and there's a drop to get off. I look at the splits in the sides and am fearful. I carefully pick my way forward and then brave the big drop. I manage it awkwardly.....and fumble upon landing at the lower level.

So I pick myself up and look forward.....oh jeez!! I still have another challenge......it's yet another set of subway cars and then a drop to water. I look at this next drop and instead of feeling fearful....I shrug it off and say..."Not again!! " With a big sigh and start walking........

Then something catches my eye......a movement of sorts..........I quickly look behind me and I see an elderly woman..... She, too, is braving the first set of subway carts. I stop walking and look at her intently. She doesn't have a firm step. I think she's starting to walk towards the split in the side of the carts.......OH NO!!

I run over and jump up and catch hold of the hem of her clothes.....and jerk her towards me.....she falls off and into my waiting arms. I grab hold of her and tell her that she's safe.......and put her down......she starts walking again.......but not in the same direction that I'm going. I watch her, pleased.....realizing that she's taking an easier path........

And then when I turn my face back to my waiting challenge.......I find that the path has changed.......it appears easier now.......and I'm happy........

Then I wake up.

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I woke up so refreshed from this dream......subhanAllah!!

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And then this. Ya Rabbi!!!!! So I'm having a problem at home. And I'm stuck with this problem and I just want to scream. I gave my mother $400 and asked her to save it for me in her bank account. I didn't want it to be anywhere that it could be traced to me. Well.....Mom spent it. She didn't tell me that it's gone........

She bought flowers for the garden in front of the house. Flowers and pots. $400 gone.

So in a fit of desperation.....I talk to my daughters about calling their father and asking him to send us money. Since he's back in Egypt, he has money right? My 13 yr old wants to call him. She wants to talk to him about her going to Egypt for the summer. He said he'd take her there.......and she insists that she's going to be the one to talk to him.....I relent.

She calls.

And the first thing he says to her is...."Did you talk to your mother about coming for the summer?"

Yes, I did, she says to him. Mom says I can go.

And he says to her....

"Well let her buy you a ticket and I'll see you when you get here."

WHAT?? WHAT??

He tells her...."didn't you guys want to live in Canada? Enjoy it!! If you want to come back to Egypt...you are welcome to live here......anything else? You won't see a dime from me."

My daughter says, "I gotta go" and hangs up on him. Cries. Hurts. And cries some more. She comes to me in the living room and wants to go out. I bring her to the lake and we sit there......and she tells me what happened.

I hurt for her. I really, really do.

She is learning this the hard way. Perhaps the only way she can learn it.

But she deserves better.

They all do.

I do.

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