Apparently......
.....he's having trouble getting a ticket. Whodathunkit?
There's no excited jittery happiness this visit. None of the kids are running around yelling..."BABA'S COMING!!!" It's more grumpy, sad children who are saying that their father is only going to let them down again. Sigh. I hate hearing them talk like that. And I've put my foot down to it as well. Telling them...HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE HAS PLANNED??? Give the man a chance!!! I yell that at them and pray that they can't see the worry behind my eyes. Sigh.
Remember my routine? Well, I'm not concerned about it this time either. Whatever. That's how I feel. And I'm trying to change that. The sheikh sent me a small letter again....(I'm starting to get rather PO'd at his "small" letters...)....this time he says...
"ur husband is hoping to stay until March..."
WHOA!! I'm a little confused here. He bought a 6 mos ticket? Is that possible? If he has bought a 6 mos ticket, I'd have to put a name on this, wouldn't you? I'd say this is called...
...effort.
But I'll hold my opinion until I get a look at the ticket myself. I. am. surprised. There are two things that are worrying me.......and it has to do with my reaction to something. It has to do with me possibly being put in a position where I lack my self control. And I'm not sure how to go about it. What worries me?
*he'll mistakenly call me MM
*she'll call while we are in bed again
Last visit, when I had the baby...he called me MM within 3 hours. SIGH! So Allah didn't make me wait long for that to show up. And yes...she does call when we are in bed. In fact, she makes it quite the habit of calling at 1 and 2 am. It kills me.
I think the success for me is the Fajr....like I said. Pray Fajr on time....bask in the early morning rays.....pull that peace into myself. And just let some things go. I need to choose my arguments....fight the important battles.
AND FOCUS. THAT will be the secret to my self control......and I need to have my wits about me.
posted by Safa at 1:48 AM
21 Comments:
"Loose" his mobile when he is there, no more phone calls....
3:49 AM
HAHAHA!!! Anon 3:49 AM!! I like the way you think!! You know...I was thinking the EXACT same thing....but more along the lines of "out the window"......but sigh.....that is drama.....and Allah knows....I've had quite enough of that.....
4:20 AM
Salam alaikoum
I normally don't advocate drama, but when my husband started having inappropriate phone calls, I had my mother or my brother call me at 3am. The phone calls stopped. If he said anything, I was like, "It's family." It's easier than throwing his cell phone out the window.
5:25 AM
6 months of having in your home? Ick. I think the saying goes, "A day late and a dollar short."
What is really going to change? It took a shaykh to push his butt into coming home instead of him wanting to.
I am sorry to be a downer, but I am.
6:21 AM
Salaam Alaikum,
This sounds to me as if you are leaning towards staying married and working through the problems brought on/out by his polygynous actions. Good for you! Now, please try your hardest to come to terms with all that polygyny involves and get yourself off this emtional rollercoaster. You HAVE to get yourself into a place where MM doesn't matter to you. It's all about you and him, Safa.
I am from the South where we have a saying: Sh*t or get off the pot!
Now do it! ;-)))
Love you,
PM
6:29 AM
CNCZ: But is it just as satisfying? I unno....I still like the "talk and fly" approach..HAHAHAHA!! (but I'd never do it!)
Aoife: Honey...it's okay....I don't mind you being a downer...I understand where ur coming from....hugs to you....
PM: Leaning towards staying married under my own conditions....no polygyny involved....otherwise.....well. There are no terms for me with the polygyny because I'm not treated as an equal......and yes, the marriage is about me and him....and the polygyny is a part of our marriage....(not MM)....
I'm leaning towards getting off the pot.....
6:55 AM
Boy what a ditz - in four years of polygyny not once has dh gotten mixed up and called me her name and I bet you he has not called her by my name. Guess that is a plus - when I am really struggling to find the positive in this relationship - humidity is really sapping me these days. Take it one day at a time - one hour at a time and if need be one minute at a time. Not sure how you can get the early morning calls to quit - I pitched a major fit the first time my co-wife did that and she has not done it since. Doubt it will work for you. Take care and keep up with your prayers and your time early in the morning to reflect on life and focus on the positives - I know it is hard sometimes - but just start listing all the good things in your life and see where it leads you.
Love
Maureen
P.S. I am always here if you need a friendly shoulder.
7:06 AM
I'm sure that Hubby has called MM my name many times. In fact, once my husband told me that MM said to him..."Not everything is Safa, you know!"
Humidity is killing, but I've got the air conditioner on since yesterday...SCREW THE BILL!!!
I've pitched the fit, I've cried, I've fallen down...I've begged....
Done it all.....Like PM said...it's come down to either Sh*tting or getting off the pot...
(I know I can call u hon...tks!)
7:40 AM
PM i'm also from the south, Louisiana to be more exact, and my grandmother said something similar to that.
Sh*t or be Sh*t on! LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
I kinda like this one better and goes along the lines of what tossing his phone out the window or having late night phone calls of your own.
Ahyhoo safa, lots of patience for you in this time. It will be difficult. I don't mean just sitting by and not doing anythign when I mean patient. Just keep doing what your doing. Moving slowly and steadily, but always keep moving. Keep going forward. Don't let life's mishaps throw you backwards. Just know that your day will come inshaAllah.
8:42 AM
It's insane the sheikh is the mouthpiece for your husband. For me, just hearing my husband say it himself might help to mend some wounds.
10:51 AM
Salaams Safa
I couldn't believe that tickets were so hard to get. My DH was on a list to try to get a ticket out of Cairo. Crazy!!
Can't really blame the kids for feeling the way they do. They just expect the same disappointments over and over again. Just hang in there with them. They are good kids, Masha'Allah. Hopefully after your husband returns, they will cheer up a little. Kids know more then you think they do. Show them how strong and confident mom you are!! :)
I am surprised that he will be staying for 6 months. All I can say is keep focused on the task at hand. What YOU want out of this and not what other people want for you. As for the cell phone, I would set up a rule or 2 with that. But that's just me.
In all sincerity, I really hope that things work out for the best in whatever you decide to do. Nobody is living your life but you and only you know what is best. You know that I am here for you if you need anything.
Love and Hugs!!!
1:23 PM
tks Umm, Cairo and Layla.....
And NOW I know who was the writer of the most beautiful dua I"ve heard in a long time....masha Allah!! I'm so touched.....
2:23 PM
Dearest Safa
I love the idea of salat al fajr. It brings baraka and noor into your heart and your life. May Allah be with you. We always prepare ourselves for the worst and that is unIslamic as a hadith says "expect good and you shall find it".
From a distance of course, I see this time as being best spent in calm peace. This is not the time to lose your sense of self in tempers and anger. If all will be lost, then be awake to be able to assay it, and even if there is a slight chance that it can be saved, then be there in your whole self and like Ghandi says, be the change you wish to see.
I know you have a million and half reasons for why this shouldn't work, but isn't that why when it works, it's called a miracle?
I know you through a friend of yours that cares so deeply about you that she could be a sister born to you from your mother and father. You are loved.
Let us not forget how Allah promises those that believe in him and trust in him that He becomes the eyes that they see with, the heart that they feel with, and that hand that they strike with. Empower yourself with Allah and trust no one but Him.
I could never tell you what to do, expect to advise you to calm, patient, and wise. Even if you decide to divorce, do so in calmness and peace without the fury of anger and revenge in your heart.
Alright..enough of my lecturing.
Allah ma'aki..
Layla
8:58 PM
Calm is what I'm aiming for....followed eventually by peaceful negotiation....
Ahhhhh....yes, my long lost sister....most probably born by the same mother...wink wink....but different father, me thinks!
Empower myself with Allah? Yes....I believe that's also what I'm aiming for....
11:58 PM
I dont think your admonishing of your daughters was fair. It may have been good to save the face of your husband in terms of being loyal to him but what about the loyality you owe to your own babies that you carried, birthed and been on your own with for 4 years now?
Im really worried about these young Muslim girls. The dunya has enough tests and shaytan has enough tricks and being a Muslim girl has enough confusion, the home base is where they are suppose to find the comfort, support and training from two responsible Muslim parents. That's not what your girls have completely. They are lacking in a major area. They have been injured in their fragile hearts.
You told them to give him a chance and they have, just as you have, time and time again. Their father will always be their father and he is Muslim even if he acts like the scum of the earth, they can't caught off ties. But maybe you're young Muslim girls are wise and have developed a better understanding than you of the prophet's (saaws) advice for the believers not to fall into the same hole twice.
5:59 AM
masha Allah.....interesting....I'm going to have to go look for that hadith...thanks...
8:24 AM
I think the hadith you mention was narrated by Abu Hurayrah and is in Sahih Bukhari (I'm not sure where exactly but I am certain it is there), The Prophet SAW said, 'The believer is not stung from the same hole twice.'
Hope that helps Safa.
9:04 AM
DearSafa, turn his phone off before you go to bed,not quite as dramatic as throwing it out the window, but it works!
6:25 AM
throwing the phone out of the window wont help, he just sticks the sim card in another one. it has to 'dissapear', it might magicly appear when he leaves....
8:45 AM
After I rub the SIM card with a magnet, I mean.....MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
9:58 AM
good idea, just do that and let him wonder why it's broken.
2:15 PM
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