....expectations.....

As we count down the time until the arrival of my husband.....the mood in the house is changing. I'm not sure if you could call it happiness. The 10 yr old and 4 yr old seem happy enough. I can't say the same about the other two. The oldest are moping around, fighting and being plain difficult. I question them as to what they are muttering under their breath, even though I hear them clearly. They say..."nothing, Mama...." But I heard what I heard....

"I don't want Baba to come....."

Sigh.

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I have no expectations this visit. I've given those up. I'm going to just let things fall into some sort of pattern....insha Allah. The one thing that I am going to work VERY hard at, kill myself to do daily is only this....

I want to pray Fajr on time, and pray Qiyam Al Layl for at least 1 hour before. This will help me focus on my Lord and center myself.....insha Allah. And besides...I love the peacefulness I feel watching the sun rise......

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Lastly.......we are in the home stretch. I believe that the final chapter in my book will play itself out now. This visit will say it all. Am I prepared? Yes, as best as I can be, under all the circumstances.

To my commenters.....I remind you all that Allah has a plan for me and my children and yes, even for my husband. Whatever ANY of you think is best for me...whatever ANY of you WANT for me.....I am going to do what I will. Allah will ask ME what I decided and I will be questioned. I thank EVERYONE for their support and yes, even their righteous anger alongside mine. Allah knows I feel your presence with me whenever I am down.

My posting may be scarce now.......depending on the amount of internet time I have.....but I'll definately check in from time to time.

I'd like to finish up by posting the dua by Layla....its the single most beautiful comment I've received in a long time.....masha Allah!!!!!

Ya Allah...Lord of mercy and Lord of the skies, rain, sun, and the wind. Lord of miracles and renewal, may You cast your mercy upon Safa's heart. Ya Allah, if it is best for her life and that of her childrens' that this marriage end, that let it end with ease and calm. Ya Allah, if it is best for their lives that they remain together then fill their hearts with your healing and guiding light that encompasses every corner of their hearts and fills them with forgiveness and love. Ya Allah open their minds and their hearts and let them not lose in this world or the hereafter. Ya Allah, if it is best for them to remain together, let their hearts approach one another with honesty, innocence, and vulnerability. Ya Allah who is capable of all things, do not leave their family without your mercy and guidance.Ameen...