It's a lonely game......
Phone call has been made. I said some things....he said some things. I can't get into details just yet.... but the process has been started. I'm handling things well..... and holding back the tears. I'm expecting more phone calls from him. It doesn't seem like he's going to fight hard for our relationship. His reaction is not what I expected.
When I told him that I don't want to be part of a P marriage where I never get my time, he yelled, THE MARRIAGE WITH THE 2ND WIFE IS OVER! So I says...are you divorced? He said, I don't want to talk about it. A lie, I expect.
I'm not asking him to divorce her...I'm asking for my freedom....demanding it. Let me digest what just happened....I'll be back later, insha Allah.
posted by Safa at 6:28 AM
18 Comments:
You've got all my love and all my thoughts
7:45 AM
I am making dua that Allah sends sakinah into your heart.
8:40 AM
Hmmmm...
Salaam Alaikum dear. First and foremost, let me say that I always pray you will get some peace in your life. Insha'Allah that will come sooner, rather than later.
I have felt all along that the real issue here is with your husband -- not any of the other women he has taken as wives. I feel that more strongly than ever with this latest piece. Do you think he is going through some kind of mental instability or mid-life crises? Or is it possible that as long as you were the obedient wife who didn't ask for too much or too many questions, then everything was fine. I don't know...
Take care, dear, and take comfort in your faith.
Love you,
PM
10:02 AM
safa where do u find these photographs to reflect how u feel?
10:23 AM
Assalamu Aleikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuhu,
Sister, he is passive-aggresive. I suspect that his plan has always been to blame you no matter what happens.
Don't believe it. This is not your fault. Asking your husband for stuff that is halal and reasonable is not wrong and he should be kind and open to discourse with you. Anything less than that is due to some kind of manipulation on his part.
You know that Quran says that there should be an intermediary from both your families involved when there is a marital dispute. Is there anyone that can speak up for you?
Keep your heart pure and free from anger and do whatever is best for your deen, life, hereafter, and family.
11:12 AM
i wonder bout that sometimes. usualy the shuyookh will say do not get your families involved whereas the Quran says that u bring ppl to represent u. i wonder if thats talking about different circumstances or what.
anyway, a side point.
i get the feeling there's alot of stuff going on on his end, that obviously you have no idea about. ofcourse i get this 'impression' from what you say.
11:48 AM
There's been a lot going on for 1 1/2 yrs.....he never tells me anything...but he's too busy...I don't understand...he's stuck....
All reasons for me to be patient and not ask for anything...the story is just getting tiring....
11:50 AM
Ya rabbb khayrrrr
1:11 PM
Assalaamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu Sister,
The man who isn't fair with his wives in regards to time etc will indeed be punished on the day of ressurection by coming with half his body leaning. Subhan'Allah what a scary thought. One that every man in a polygamous marriage should take heed to.
I would suggest you go talk to your local imam if you are feeling like he's not being fair.He can insh'Allah act as a mediator and see if you can sort things out. If not, then do what you have to do.
May Allah give you patience, strength and certainty of faith and make it easy for you to pass this test of His. ameen.
You're in my thoughts insh'Allah
4:22 PM
Safa, dear sweet Safa, this is not your fault you have been a wonderful wife to him and an even better mother. Inshaallah everything will work out for the best. Only Allah knows how it will turn out and inshallah he already knows your pain.
8:57 PM
wow, Safa. I wish i knew how to comfort you, but i don't. (funny how we get attached to our blogging relations).
like PM, i will make dua for your and your children's peace of mind.
12:35 AM
I can only imagine what you have been going through over the past year and a half. My you find guidance and peace throughout these trials.
One thing that concerns me is how this whole situation is affecting your daughters, especially considering the possible lasting impact.
If anything, you need to put an end of this situation, if not for yourself, then for your daughters. Is this what you want your daughters to learn about marriage? That wives are expendable unless they are obedient? That honesty, trust, and communication are not things that a wife has rights to?
I don't mean to be out of line, but how can you encourage your daughters to be good Muslim women if this is how they may be treated in 10-15 years?
Would you want your son to know that this is the way his own father acted while married?
How can you expect your son to respect his future wife and want you daughters to be treated respectfully by their husbands if this is what they are learning about marriage?
Something's gotta give. At least think of the future, and the impact this has on your children.
9:24 AM
Asalamalaykom~
I agree that your children play a big part in this process.
I felt, with my little guy, that he would grow up thinking a daddy yells at mommy---even in the morning on the way to work...even while she's been happily singing.
And I could handle my song being quieted, but I couldn't handle my baby learning to do that.
What do you want precious baby to learn? When you decide that, please insist on that from his role model.
If you don't insist on good behavior, then you ARE partly responsible for the mess. No fair dumping this all on her hub's feet, sweet sisters.
Love to you, Safa!
1:34 PM
I'm sorry he's being this way, but I think it's not a surprise, even to us who have been reading your saga. I think you have to be prepared to be alone (or at least not with him). He's never going to give your rights, or even be honest with you. I'm sure you don't want your daughters growing up and thinking that this is what marriage is all about.
Just be careful he doesn't try to take the kids away from you, since you are in his country.
Lots of Hugs to you and your children!
Anisah
4:20 PM
Egyptian law....he can't take the kids from me.....the older girls after they are 14 yrs of age...and the son at like 8 or something....
That leaves one daughter for him to be legally allowed to take...and I know he wouldn't do that. BEsides the fact, that she wouldn't go.....
9:55 PM
He can't take them, but he can prevent them from living egypt.
1:54 AM
yes, anonymous....perhaps he can....but that sort of control would only work for so long.....
4:42 AM
Salam alaikoum
I might be repeating someone but it sounds like his reaction is a desperate attempt to regain control of the situation- the shut down tactic. I am not so convinced that he wouldn't fight for the relationship, I think he is scared and confused and does not know what to do with you forcing him to see his actions in his face. I think there's much more to this story, even if he hasn't called yet...
*hugs*
Raihane
8:28 AM
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