I'm comfortable in my skin.....
Nowhere on my BLOG have I claimed to be the perfect muslim. I haven't even alluded to the fact that maybe I am great. I haven't even insinuated that I think I am among the believers on the day of judgement. I have never said, "I am holier than thou."
Does being a muslim woman mean that we don't suffer?
No, we do suffer. It many different ways. I can only imagine the pain a sister in Palestine feels when she watches her brother going to fight jihad against Israel. I can only wonder at the pain a grandmother feels when she loses a grandchild to some curable sickness. I can only pretend to understand the great sorrow that Musa's mother must have felt when she set her child adrift in the sea. But I do know and understand one thing.....I know the pain you feel when your husband choses another wife. And doesn't tell you.
I write my story from my point of view. I'm sorry if I'm not all roses and pretty smelling things when I talk about it. I'm sorry if I forget to say....but it's still halal. Or I truly believe that it's for the best, or that maybe this will help my marriage. Honestly? I don't feel that way. I feel cheated on this one.
Now I could go on, and write the perfect post about how Allah allows a man 4 wives, and how that my hubby wants us both to live in harmony and the perfect bond of friendship, blah blah blah. Would that be making people say...OMG...I gotta be a muslim!!
Mormons practice polygyny. They have their trials with it. The Jews fight and lose their sons. And many christian women have lost a child. Sometimes what bonds us, transgresses our deen. Where in most situations a muslim woman would not feel comfortable surrounded by others of a different faith...like say she was at, a friend of Depression support group.....she would be thinking about belonging and help. We are human, you know. We suffer, we pain, we hurt and we feel. Definately human.
I think I have done the most dawah by being approachable. By having this air, that the scarf and clothing choice isn't a big red stop sign. I'm comfortable in my skin...and I think it shows.
I know that I go on, and on...and sometimes....on. LOL!! But that is me....nowhere does it say, "convert to islam and suddenly be the best person you ever thought you could be instantly!" It takes time. SubhanAllah.....I've met some sisters who have been the worst example of our deen, and steered clear of them. Only to later find out that they are rough diamonds, who just really grew up with no protocol. If you know what I mean. I've met sisters who I've almost fallen in love with for their knowledge of deen, mashaAllah, even considered putting niqab to be more like them....only to find out that they have been backbiting behind my back and saying hurtful and cruel things. Haven't we all met these kinds?
I was thinking back to DP's post and then subsequent post, where she talks about being the best muslim you can be, and insha Allah, that's enough. Isn't that what we all strive for? Secretly wish for? Even pray for? I think it is.....it is for me. And sometimes I get sidetracked...sometimes I stumble.....I've even fallen flat on my face. But I've always gotten back up again. Insha Allah, I always will. My BLOG is not dedicated to Dawah....I'm not watching every word I say so that people don't get the wrong impression. I'm not trying to hide anything.
Islam is perfect. Us muslims, aren't. Our deen is such a wonderful thing, and most muslims are trying their hardest to be good examples. They think before they act, they speak words of kindness, they offer advice and care with the perfect dose of love. Masha Allah. But nowhere does it say...MUSLIM WOMEN! HIDE BEHIND YOUR VEILS!! Our hijab is a constant reminder of why we are put here. Of what we are doing. It's our beacon. That's what makes people look at us and say...OHHH, I heard about muslims. Or when you forget yourself and yell at ur kid not to touch the gum at the checkout lane, another woman may think to herself....I thought muslims were supposed to be patient? You mean they are like me?? Or when a little kid yells across the street, "NICE DRAPES LADY!!!!" And we calmly yell back...."Thanks! Look out for me tomorrow, cuz I'm cutting up the ones in the diningroom, too!!!" or maybe..."These aren't drapes, it's a tablecloth!" LOL!!!
Let's be approachable....it's our differences and our little mistakes that make us stand out. Can I cross BLOG reference here?
How about the one sister who was standing to pray with her baby daughter in a front sling, when the baby chose the perfect moment in the prayer to let out a loud fart that most people would think a month old girl was not capable of? Been there...LOL!! But come on!! Maybe seasoned muslims would just let it pass....but some of us would be laughing our asses of with her about it later!! I mean, that is a moment to remember. And something that many non muslims could relate to. But some of the righteous sisters who blog surf and cut us up could be like...OMG talking about farting in the prayer??? Lay off....it's one of those funny moments!! (you are gonna have to find her blog by yourselves, cuz her rendition of it had me snorting!!)
How about the sister who admitted to wearing a little bit of concealer. OMG....!!! I mean....it's not a major....and she said it outright.....so are we all gonna race over to her blog and condemn her in the comments? Puh-lease!! I bet you that somewhere out there, is a newly converted sister who is contemplating wearing hijab, but can't give up her makeup. So she up and reads that post and says....I'm gonna wear hijab and try and cut down on the makeup! (I mean, what is better? Not what is best!)
How about the sister who told her endearing story of her marriage. Where she didn't even meet him in person, and being scared stiff, but still feel like she's doing the right thing, only to have this man prove to her that he's all she wants and prolly some more. Masha Allah. Somewhere out there, is a sister, scared to take that jump for remarriage who will read that post and say to themselves....I'd never forgive myself if I didn't try again!
Masha Allah! Masha Allah! Masha Allah!
So I just want to reconfirm that the last time I checked, I was still human. I also want to confirm that I am doing my own form of dawah, maybe not your form....but definately my own form. People will convert because they have the super muslimah in front of them, and others just will not. People will be interested in the religion for their own reasons. I ask Allah to judge us all by our intentions! Ameen. And I ask Allah to accept our fasting! Ameen. And I ask you all to be patient with me.......I'm going thru a rough patch in my life....and right now, everything in me is mixed up. It wasn't always that way. So when I get myself out of this rut.....I plan to be back with a vengeance. But while we are on the path there, lets be approachable, okay? Let's be Ummatan Wassitah. (People of moderation) Surely in this path there is barakah
posted by Safa at 7:10 AM
11 Comments:
BRAVA HABIBTI! I'll wish you Asalamalaykom, but I feel you have found again some of the peace that you once gave away. You have regained strength in this posting. Don't ever back down from this place and loose ground. You are right on.
I'm going to tell you (and the readers) something that I learned in real estate that pertains to dawah. Dawah, after all, is a lot like being in sales.
One of my previous job duties was to help my office with recruiting people to get into real estate. I was surprised what a wide variety of people were attracted to the info nights. Some of the people seemed so WRONG for the job...I mean, old grandmas, baby-faced college kids, grossly overweight effeminate men. None of those people fit the stereotype in my mind of the perfect man or woman from the ads.
But, I was told that my office welcomed every type, because for every weirdo agent, was a weirdo buyer or seller. Yes, some of the most successful agents were in a niche all to themselves. And their clients felt understood by them and sent more like-minded to them.
So, back to Safa. She is going to reach people with her story of faith that none of you naysayers ever could. Think about that for a minute. She's reaching someone you can't. Give her some credit for that.
She's an imperfect, hurting person reaching for the guidance of Allah. We should all remember that part in ourselves. Some are so wanting to "out" her imperfections before looking "in".
She's also got more humor in her long pinky nail than some of you have in your whole body. And she's got knowledge and faith. She's cool.
She's got her niche. You have yours. You attract your weirdos and she'll attract hers. May Allah help us remember that we're all in the same ummah and that we shouldn't fight in the lifeboat.
This comment has been sponsored by "Weirdos for Safa".
11:05 AM
Takbir, AllahuAkbar sister. Great post. Those who are quick to judge are usually the ones who are insecure. No one is without fault. Take it easy, we try our hardest and pray for the best.
11:24 AM
Alhumdulilah.
"I haven't even insinuated that I think I am among the believers on the day of judgement."
Alhumdulilah you are. Because you are Muslim. So there :)
12:45 PM
That was a great post mashaAllah. Be yourself, dont be intimidated, that's a great way to live. Since you commented on my blog a long time ago, I've been opened up to blogs of many sisters in polygamous marriages. This was a new world of experience to me. Althought I dont agree with many of their approaches in life, I try not to be disagreeable in their comments b/c I would never think to be rude if I was invited to someone's house. I consider blogs just like that - they are someone's personal space, and I am a guest, and must conduct myself accordingly.
Anyway, do what you gotta do sista! Keep on keepin on. InshaAllah Allah will make your trials easier, ameen.
5:24 PM
Safa, Safa, Safa........I am crying from reading this post. You have SO made a difference in my "today".
You hit the nail on the head when you wrote "I think I have done the most dawah by being approachable. By having this air, that the scarf and clothing choice isn't a big red stop sign. I'm comfortable in my skin...and I think it shows".
For sure I can say that is why I am here at this blog and why I first made contact with you. You were approachable.....real.....and most of all kind, non judgemental and encouraging.
Thank you for being the real, down to earth, human woman that you are. Never change.
*much love and big hugs*
5:34 PM
Asalaam Alakium Sister,
That was truely a wonderful post! I especially like the part about being the best Muslim you can be, as a new Muslimah, I constantly worry about if I am doing "good enough".
Inshallah many people will come and read this post and be more tolerant and caring because of it.
May Allah bless you and your family,
Aeryn
7:28 PM
"everybody is somebody elses weirdo...."
11:19 PM
Safa, I'm one of your blurkers. Never comment, as I don't have much to say about your life but I love reading your blog - you're such a brave girl. This post touched me because I come across self-righteous "muslim" women every day. I'm not going to hijack this space to tell my stories, they're not worth telling. But wearing a tight double hijab with no make up and quoting suraat every other sentence won't impress me when you see a person doubled in pain in front of you and won't even offer your help. So keep up your attitude, Safa, you're a good person
1:36 AM
AWESOME POST!!!!!
Yeah, I think that covers it... ;) :)
11:26 AM
I was reading and shaking my head from the first line to the last. if you're dealing as best as you can and have your trust in Allah, what more can anyone ask you or anyone else for? Alhamdulilah, we have to start to look inward at ourselves and stop worrying about everyone else's life. Good for you safa! May Allah reward you and grant you His rahma!
12:16 PM
assalaamu ^alayki ya ukhti. masha'Allah what a beautiful post and so indicative of your supreme character. you were one of the first muslimah's to visit my blog space and have become a genuine sister and blogger friend. we all have our struggles and trials. this life is all about those lapses in and regaining of faith. Perfection is only befitting the Creator. our goal is simply to strive with all sincerity to be pleasing to our Rabb in the manner laid out in the Qur'aan and Sunnah. love you sis and keep on typing.
12:27 PM
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