Stand up for the women that are suckered into polygyny!!!!

I was reading a hadith today. And after reading it, I wondered how any Sheikh could advise a brother not to tell his wife that he's getting/has another wife.

How could a sheikh advise that? For example, tell a brother, "if you fear that your first wife won't take it well, then don't tell her". SubhanAllah....where are the sheikhs that should be saying, Fear Allah, instead?

What about the Sheikhs who advise that the brother doesn't need his wife's permission.....?? I think if I were to interpret the meaning of not having permission...I would look at it in the best way. The reason for not having permission was prolly due to the fact that it would be mighty inconvenient for lets say a trader, to ride his camel across the desert to tell his wife that he saw this girl he wants to marry...and then ask her is it okay? It'll just take me 3 days to ride back? I think it was a matter of inconvenience and impossibility to relate a message, not because he was going to keep it a secret. It had nothing to do with deception or fear. Can a husband who truly fears Allah, actually use the, "I don't need permission" argument? My husband could have called me and told me on the phone. Both times, in fact.

Hell, as far as I know...he was considering marrying the christian hoochie for awhile. Even had her get bloodtests and crap. He may have even been in Egypt and still considering her. Why couldn't he ever discuss that with me? I would take it bad? Of course I would have. And quite righteously so as well! I would have said to him about her:

#1....what sort of example to the kids would she be? Not muslim......??
#2....why this particular woman? Is there some sort of haraam dealing that has brought you to consider marriage to her in particular?
#3....she's not a chaste christian....she's got 3 kids and who knows what sort of history!!

I think I would have yelled loudest and longest about her not even being halal for him because she's not chaste. I'm sure he'd have talked his way around it tho.....considering that he already wanted to be with her. But he didn't need my permission, did he? And besides...as far as the christian woman was concerned....I was never supposed to find out. It was a gift to himself for living for 5 yrs without us. Too bad I didn't think of gettng him something like that.

So what about with MM? Why didn't he tell me about her either? Again, he could have told me on the phone. His argument? I wanted to tell you in person. Hmmmmmm...... When i think about how that particular conversation would have gone it makes me cry. I could just see him taking me out to dinner at a nice fancy restaurant...then maybe taking me for a walk down the nile.....sitting down somewhere quiet and secluded. He'd go on about how much he loves me and how important I am in his life. Then he'd say.....BUT. Ahhhhh, yes. The but. And I know that in my naive little mind, I would be confused....would prolly be thinking he's going to divorce me....prolly thinking he wants to send me back to Cda....and then when he says what is truly on his mind...I'd have wished desperately that it was either of them...BUT NOT THIS!!! NOOOOOOO.....NOT THIS!! He'd prolly tell me that when he went back to Cda that MM pursued him.....and that something happened between him and her exhubby....and that he HAD to marry her....Oh yeah...she twisted my arm I just had to yell UNCLE. It was so horrible. Oh yeah, I've played this scene out in my head many times. I would have fallen apart....I know I'd start shaking...maybe fall off the chair I'd be sitting on....I'd tell him...I WANT MY MOM!!! And wouldn't let him comfort me, oh no.....I'd have slept in the other room all alone.....I wonder how he'd have felt breaking that to my face? I suppose that Allah made it easy on him when the exhusband ASSHOLE called me and told me all the crap before hubby got around to it. Harder on me...yep....but easier on him. Isn't that just the way it is these days? Oh and you know that when Hubby would have told me to my face, he'd never have told me about christian hoochie either.

I summed it up so well when I was in Canada. I told my hubby....if I was you, I'd feel like a real shit. I hope he does, you know? As much as I still love him and want the best for him....I can't help feeling this anger inside that just starts boiling when the brain starts thinking. A real shit, indeed.

Oh....what hadith was I reading??

On the authority of an-Nawwas ibn Sam'an (May Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (saw) said,

"Righteousness is good morality, and wrongdoing is that which wavers in your soul and which you dislike people finding out about" It was related by Muslim.

Isn't that how a man must feel when he's hiding from his wife the existance of wife # 2? He'd be so scared she's gonna find out before he tells her. I wonder what it is that would scare him? Naaawwwwww......again I would advise a man to fear Allah....but what it comes down to is cowardice. Taking a sneaky loophole and trying to justify it. Puhlease. The worst thing is....that these men believe themselves.

My hubby once took the part in surah AnNisaa........
[al-Nisaa' 4:129] You will never be able to do perfect justice between wives even if it is your ardent desire, so do not incline too much to one of them..."
......and tried to explain that this was the reason he wasn't worried about being fair with me concerning time. Allah made men that way. SubhanAllah!!! I asked him if he had read the tafseer of this ayat and then told him that this had nothing to do with the time.....that it was about treating them equally in your heart. SubhanAllah. My point? Taking sneaky loopholes in the religion will only earn you a free ride right to hell fire.
But you know what is the worst for me? When they try to unload that crap on YOU and make you believe it. Or just shut you up. And then have the nerve to act like they are super religious and holy.
My advice to any brother considering polygyny, hiding polygyny and secretly practicing it.....FEAR ALLAH!
You may be hiding this from your wife....but ALLAH knows and you will be judged!
You may be hiding this from your family....but ALLAH knows and you will be judged!!!
What you hide is never hidden, so own up and SAY IT!! It's not haraam, so why do you hide it? It's not Zena, so why do you hide it? Stop the dumbass excuses, and get with the program. You are hurting your woman more with ur betrayal, your lies, your deceipt and your utter lack of respect! Would you accept your wife hiding her money? How about hiding that she's been making investments with her money? How about hiding the inheritance that she just got? Buying herself a fancy piece of jewellery without you knowing from her own money? Would you accept it? Is it haraam?
TELL HER! It will be worse for her when she finds out the hard way. Do what's hard for yourself and whats' easy for her. Please. Sisters everywhere are popping up with the same story......and it's killing us. Killing our deen. We need some hard nosed sheikhs in the English speaking world to take over this call. To stand up and give good advice. Not Sheikhs advising us women to get pregnant to solve our problems. Where are those sheikhs? I wish they would stand up! We need them now.