Coming out of yet another P-closet........
Yeah, well I've been holding off sharing this one. Well, not from everyone. But I decided to come out of this one today....I'm preggers. Yep...baby # 5 is on the way, insha Allah. I was having an issue with sharing it with hubby right now. But I finally got around to it.....I made sure that he's not telling MM. I also made a plea for him to finish up in Canada and come home for good. With the addition of another child, we need him full time now. He was amazingly happy. Oh yeah, and confused when I burst into tears.....just so much going on in life right now, subhanAllah. Hey, PL.....I'm due around May 17th......so I guess you and I are going to be running for the finish line together, eh???
I have much more to say about this....but I"m just too exhausted/happy/sad......emotional. Let me sleep it off and think of something really snazzy to say in the morning.
Make dua for me, okay?
posted by Safa at 2:54 PM
45 Comments:
Congratulations, Safa. May Allah (swt) ease your burdens and increase your joys with the birth of a healthy baby, insh'Allah.
3:28 PM
Mabrook ya sitti!!! I am happy that you were able to share the great news with the hubby. It is very frustrating to keep things from the one you love especially when you are used so being so open with him. It is something to celebrate, but at times you don't know how the reaction will be in these heated times, but alhamdulillah it all went well.
3:38 PM
OMG!!! Alhamdulillah, I am soooo happy for you. I am due 10 days before you on the 7th. Here we go. I will add you to my preggo dua.YEAH!!
4:36 PM
I used to be preggers at the same time with this sister that I liked so much. Our due date was 7 days apart.....with her supposed to have the baby first. She had the baby two weeks early, and I had the baby two weeks late...in the end, our babies were a month apart. Go figure!
So who knows how things will turn out?
5:20 PM
mabrook, ya safa!
5:21 PM
YEAH! I am glad you told him. Insha'Allah he will come home to be with you. I love you and I miss talking to you. Sorry I have been in a rut lately depressed and all. But Insha'Allah I am breaking out of it and will be back to my normal self soon.
6:34 PM
Asalamalaykom Safa,
Congratulations!!!
7:19 PM
Salaam Alaikum, Safa.
Kelticgirl - your comment was totally WRONG. What a cruel, cruel thing to say! She's a married woman for god's sake - why would she need to justify anything to YOU? Why would you ask a question like that?!? Safa - no skin off of your nose from her comment.
I wish you a healthy baby and that Allaah (s.w.t.) eases your (many!)burdens during this time.
9:37 PM
Asalamalaykom Umm#5,
Mabrook! Of course, mabrook. Each baby is a blessing and brings to this dunya their own blessing. May your family be enriched in this blessing.
I know that you want peace. When I was pregnant and in dire straits, I completely got the truth that peace grows inside us. I can think of no better time for you to be pregnant. Grow that new life. Be the woman you want to be for this baby. Renew yourself as you are giving the fruit of your womb.
Enshahallah, may this baby bring light to your life and may that light shine like a beacon from Egypt to Canada. May that light guide a weary man, who could easily crash into the rocks and drown. May that light be the signal of which way to head through the choppy waters back to safety and his home. Ya rub!
10:42 PM
Wow!! Is it contagious or something? I hope you are doing well, are feeling healthy. Enjoy being pregnant if you can... Babies are so much more portable when they are still inside you! :) Congratulations.
BTW- I'm due the first week of June.
11:26 PM
Salaam Alaikum and mabrook!
This is really a shock and I don't quite know what to say.... rare for me ;-)))
May Allah Bless this new life.
Love,
PM
12:07 AM
Salam alaikoum
Macha Allah! I am so so so so so so so so so so so so happy for you! Safa, you and Umm Abdurrahman are like mommy role models to me. If I ever have babies I want both of you to come and give me mommy training.
12:32 AM
Macha Allah!
1:37 AM
There really isn't anything to say but Mabrook!! Alhamdulilah, this baby has a purpose Keltic, as we all do. And it may be that this new baby (inshallah possibly a male child) will be the strength and love that Safa and her husband needs to either work things out or move away. Alhamdulilah. Mabrook Safa, pass me the baby dust, girl, so I can pack in my luggage.
4:56 AM
Salamu alaykum,
When Allah decree's a thing it can happen even when we least expect it, with or without birth control. I have a birth control baby and children I made dua not to have! So neither worked but nevertheless al hamdulilaah inshallah the baby will bring some goodness to your life although 5 kids is not easy although with your older girls you have built in baby sitters.
My only concern really is MM and how he made her take an abortion pill several times. How will she feel when she finds out and inevitably she will right? Of course that is not your problem as he will have to give her that glad tidings. It doesn't sit well with me how someone can plant seeds in several vessels and some of his seeds he disposes of and others he nourishes. If I was MM I would be really hurt that he chose to eliminate my seed although she didn't have to listen to him. May Allah bless your baby and you with all that is good. Verily with every difficulty there is Relief.
9:19 AM
Well, this morning while munching on my breakfast/lunch (a grilled cheese and fried green tomato sandwich-it's a southern thing). I decided to peruse the blogs. Something's always going on in Safa's world so I pop through. And I almost choked on my sandwich when I read the news. Obviously the baby is SUPPOSED to be here or Allah would not have blessed you with another pregnancy. Everything happens for a purpose-but I can understand some of the other comments (minus the rudeness). In this day and age with AIDS, herpes, etc, spreading around the world I would either make my husband strap on a condom or bring me some proof that the other sister has been tested and is clean!
I'm not saying this to try and take away your joy- I just truly hope that this pregnancy does not put a strain on you and your mental health. As my sister-in-islam I do worry about you and include you in my prayers. May you follow the best path that Allah has laid out for you Insh'Allah!
10:02 AM
Assalamu'alaikum Safa,
A belated congratulations from me!!:) Take good care of yourself. It's important not to stress too much during your pregnancy. When I found out about the new girl in my husband's life, I was pregnant with my fifth child. I was so depressed and stressed out that things got a little complicated with the pregnancy. Alhamdullilah, the baby came out with no problems. So, my dear sister, focus on eating healthy, taking good rest and try to stay calm and relaxed.
Of course I'll make dua for you!:)
Love you sis.
10:19 AM
Did ya want dua for anything specific...like a boy?
10:38 AM
Squeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! Masha'Allah!!!!!
Obviously this happened for a purpose... Allah knows best why... insha'Allah everything'll turn out well!
Take care, insha'Allah! :)
10:53 AM
Salaam.
Oh! Oh! The irony of "realmuslimgirl" and her non-existant blog called "getalifeyouneedtogrowup"! Try this on for size, realmuslimgirl!: adults do not hide behind fake screen names, email addresses, and pretend blogs. Adults do not go around calling people "white trash" for babies -- lives -- that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala Himself Created! Subhana'Allah! Truly, there are no words! "Get a life"? "Grow up"? Try repeating that to yourself in the mirror each day! There is never, never, NEVER a reason to behave with such a complete and appalling lack of adab.
Safa: mabrook, Mommy, masha'Allah! We plot and plan but wallahi, Allah is the Best of Planners. :) May your pregnancy be easy, the baby healthy, and may he or she grow up to be counted among the Mumin, insha'Allah.
11:28 AM
safa -
all b.s. aside - may allah bless you with a healthy child. boy, girl.. doesn't matter... but it would be different and fun to finally have a boy after 4 girls :-)
jilbabster
12:56 PM
May Allah bless your baby and all your children with beautiful and calm lives.
12:56 PM
sweetie, everyone here knows b. And yes, she does have a blog.
1:30 PM
eh, 'realmuslimgirl', i am already bored. you can keep on ranting and raving, but i won't be reading it. btw, i don't want to flatter myself, but i am hardly an unknown in the muslim women blogging ummah. i've been around since march 2003 (yes, blogging continously although with occasional blog-name changes) so, yeah. i gots a blog somewheres on this big ol' intertubes. and mountians of archives (not all of 'em currently available as i'm in the process of moving). and, funnily enough, it isn't hard to find me...since i blog as 'b.' and have always blogged as 'b.' (fyi, my first initial, ya dig?).
i dunno, just really striking to me, your lack of adab, in Ramadan of all times. All babies, regardless of how they were created, are indeed the Creations of Allah and who are any of us, including you, to say that a baby is ever a mistake? man, i don't want to be the one who answers to second-guessing Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. i am just *so* happy that there is a new life to be celebrated and *so* happy that in both safa's and aoife's cases, these babies have mommies who already love them and want them, regardless of the circumstances. is it ideal? I don't see anyone arguing that it is. And I fail to see how being happy over the fact of a baby somehow negates the problems that pre-existed their Creation. If you really can't be happy at this Sign, say 'masha'Allah' and move on. Why on Earth you've got to be nasty is beyond me, and, like I said, it's boring. Nastiness is a dime-a-dozen reality on the Web, unfortunately, and I'd rather spend my time with those folks who are naturally sweet of nature. Like Safa. Like Aoife. Like all the sisters who've come on here and given sincere and loving counsel to Safa in her time of need. Now, then, you can come back and rant and rave all you like but...*shrug*. I'll let you have the last word because I'm truly not interested in keeping up a fight. You know? I've got a life to live offline and I enjoy the life I've built online, and both lives are too short to engage in petty bickering. So, you know, have fun. Rip me to shreds some more if you like. It's really, you know, subhana'Allah, it's no skin off my nose.
10:12 PM
I gather this might not have been planned by Safa and her husband, but that's how a lot of babies come into the world. Ideal circumstances? Well, most of us could agree from what Safa has shared with us that these are not ideal circumstances. But, this is it. There's a baby on the way, and nothing will change that (at least none of us). So does she deserve our congratulations? If for no other reason than that blessing in a bundle, yes, I think she does. Does that mean that everyone who wishes her well is jumping on the bandwagon, chasing after Safa no matter what direction she goes? Not everyone. I still hope Safa is stepping in a new direction, but that advice can come later, not now when she's announcing that she's pregnant and just needs a little (a lot of) moral support.
For those who find Safa's life choices so horrifying, I think there's a respectful way to disagree. If you can't do that, that's cool. Just stop reading. It's no big deal. You are not compelled to comment. I read lots of stuff on lots of blogs that I don't agree with. If it actually makes my blood boil, I need to re-evaluate things and ask myself, "Is this the most constructive way to spend my time?" I suggest you do the same. If your ranting and raving is meant to convince people of your point of view, I think I can safely say it's not working.
12:20 AM
Thanks Jilbabble....u summed it up excellently.."all b.s. aside - may allah bless you with a healthy child"
I just love the comment wars here...believe me, I'm not phased by anyones adverse opinions.....it's done. I fear some of the things that you have brought up.....but you know what? Allah is the best of planners.....so lets just see how this story will play out.
1:06 AM
Congratulations Safa, I am happy for you, although I can understand that you are feeling all sorts of mixed emotions due to the situation, but perhaps this can wake your husband up from his frivoulous dealings with ya all, who knows? The danger is however that M finds out (extremely hard to conceal for your husband, he seems hot tempered with you, he can just as easily snap at her and use this as a punishment, she also seems sneaky so any talk on this on sms, do it in english as I have understood this is nothing she masters) so that she will exercise her right to also have a child by him. I feel that you are right that he now must come home to Egypt and you must have a long chat on the financials of the family and the fact that now his first family is adding another huuge, wonderful and valuable addition and that he must now wake up to reality and consentrate on what he has got and is about to receive. He seems to have some sort of mid-life crisis (or a secound puberty, living out what he hasn`t in his youth) but he is so old now that he should be able to get this done with now, quickly, its embarrasing for you and him that he is running around sniffing more females then my dog. Time to get out of the secound adolecence and grow up again. He has lost so much time with your daughters, this news gives him a new chance to re-connect with his long time family and be part of the baby`s life from the get go (I will be fuming if he leaves you to be pregnant alone in Egypt with your 4 girls alone). I hope he understands that taking care of what he has and is coming will make him let go of M and realise that starting yet another family now might ruin his finances and reduce him to a "baby-papa" or "the sperm guy" as Susan in Friends jokingly call Ross. He is getting older, ask him if he wants to run the world around exhausting himself, his economy, healt and his family or if he now would like to grow up finally after the 5th addition is on its way exhale and live in the tranquility of a nice, healthy and positive family environment.
Pregnancies hardly ever come at a "perfect time", heck, is there such a time in anyones life that is "perfect", unless you are the Royal Family of Crown or Celebrity-world and money and nannys are abundant.
Congratulations again Safa, bundle up your girls over your belly and have a huuge family group hug...:-)
2:46 AM
Amani: No sarcasm, I don`t find that necissary for a happy occation for Safa. I hope Safa is happy with this and that this might make her husband snap out of his adolecent behavior. I get withchybitchy when you hurt yourselves or your children, not when something good happens for you.
ummukatheer:I have read the quran several times, with tafisir, don`t worry about that. I don`t beg for nothing and the last third of the night I sleep happily so I can get up early and reply to nonsense like this...*sigh*
I suggest you read Ibn Warraq`s ""Why I am not a muslim" and pick up some books on atheism and humanism at the library, Bertrand Russels books are higly recommended. Only you can change your ignorance and that entails reading more then 1 book.
Kafira
7:23 AM
salaam aleikum
Ma sha Allah. Elf Mabrook. May Allah bless him/her.
No further comments from here! What a discussion!
7:27 AM
First and foremost, Congratulations. May Allah help you through this pregnancy and bring you a healthy baby.
I do worry about you being alone, but then I remember that you already are raising kids alone. Insha'Allah you will find a way to get some peace in your life with this new baby... However that looks for you.
10:47 AM
Salaam Alaikum,
I have had a little time to read and think since you made this announcement. Now I would like to impart the only "wisdom" I have on this subject and it comes from an experience with my own daughter.
My daughter got pregnant at the beginning of her second year in uni. She loved the young man very much and she hoped that he would stand by her and marry her to give the child a "legitimate" start. When she called me to tell me, I actually knew because I had dreamed it the night before (and in fact that has happened with both her pregnancies). Once I ascertained that she wanted to keep the baby (and was relieved to hear this) I felt that the only thing I could do was give her my love and support, and feel the joy of the new life that was coming into ours. And not once did I try to make her feel bad or ashamed -- the baby's father's mother was doing enough of that on her own.
My daughter really thought that the baby's father would marry her but as month after month went by and he continued to say he wasnt ready, we all began to wonder. It was at this point that I told her that regardless of whether he married her or not that she owed it to the child to be ready to raise him/her by herself because she was the one who carried this baby in her body and she would always have a different kind of bond with the child than the father would.
Now let me say that I liked the father of the baby a great deal. I thought he loved my daughter and was a good prson but still a kid who was convinced he was too young to be a husband. Still, regardless of this he WAS going to be a father so I prayed he would be good at that at the very least.
By the time my daughter had the baby his family had come on board to love and cherish Zechariah as much as my daughter, the baby's father and I had from the start. The baby's other grandparents began to push their son to marry
my daughter but he still balked. They had moved in together during the pregnancy but that seemed to be as much as he wanted to commit to. But he was staying in school, working part-time jobs, while my daughter had dropped out and was now working too. Of course, I was grateful to have a good job and be able to help her out financially, too.
When Zechariah turned one his father was finally ready and completely on his own he asked my daughter to marry him and planned it for the following month. Two years later he graduated from university with his wife and child proudly by his side. By this time, their second child (Olivia) was on her way.
Al hamdulillah my son-in-law is a wonderful husband and father. Insha'Allah he will always stand by his wife and children and do his best to provide for them and fill their lives with love and happiness.
But there are three lessons that my daughter and I learned from this experience. The first is
that a woman ALWAYS needs to be able to take care of herself and her children BY HERSELF. The second is that a baby will not guarantee that a man will stand by you. But the third one is in many ways the most important and that is that if there is true love in a man's heart he will do what is right on his own.
My advice to you Safa is to get your education or develop some employable skills and be ready to take care of your family on your own. Don't be complacent; just
because you are pregnant and your husband seems happy don't assume that this changes anything with regard to his desire for other women (or even MM). And lastly, keep an open mind because even if this pregnancy doesn't immediately
restore your husband to the man you married, you never know what the future holds for both of you.
Only Allah knows best -- and he has blessed you with a new little life to love and enrich your family. I wouldn't give up my precious Zecharaih for anything.
Love you,
PM
11:58 AM
Keltic, you write as if the only women in the world who go through such turmoil are Muslim women. That's just not true. Self esteem and co-dependecy issues affect women from all walks of life. We certainly feel bad and hurt for Safa when she is hurting. And I believe we all want a change for Safa, including Safa, as shes said it many times on this blog. Though how she goes about making those changes in her life is up to her. Cyber threats and name calling isn't going to change her reality, so what's your point for doing it?
You are more than welcome to also come over to my blog to read a different outlook from a married Muslim woman if that is what you would like to see. But this is Safa's space; her thoughts and her way.
12:16 PM
Safa, congratulations on your good news. I hope you have a healthy pregnancy, inshaAllah.
I agree with some of the substance of kelticgirl's comments (without the unnecessary rudeness), about how this increases your dependency on your husband. And I'm sorry, but your husband is a sorry excuse for a man, from what I can see. I pray this news jolts him awake from the mid-life crisis he seems to be having, which is having such a negative effect on your poor beautiful daughters.
I also think Peaceful Muslimah has given the best advice here - do something for yourself, get educated, be able to support yourself if your husband once again doesnt live up to expectations. A woman should ALWAYS be able to support her children if the need arises.
12:31 PM
Wow, wow, wow - mabrook on the good news - such a secret keeper you are. In shaa allah all will go well and you will have an easy pregnancy and deliver a wonderful healthy baby. Such an awesome blessing.
12:38 PM
Dear Safa
I want to ask you something... You don't have to answer, but at least think about it. Is it routine practice in Egypt to test pregnant women for HIV? I know in Canada it is (at least in my province). If you haven't already, maybe now would be a good time to do so. Just to give you peace of mind, since you know your husband has had multiple partners (meaning, MM and Crystal, and who knows how many partners they have had besides him). We just have to be alert to the realities of this world, ya know... I'm not implying anything, i just think that it's best to be sure than to have uncertainty eating away at your mind, especially for your unborn child's sake. Please don't be offended sister, i don't mean you any harm or condescension when i say this.
Salams
1:16 PM
Salam and A thousand Mabrooks! Its almost time for suhoor now, I just spent the last 2.5 hours reading your blog and I want to wish you peace inshaAllah in your ordeal. What can I say, I laughed I cried and I'm TOTALLY feeling you on the paper towels et. al.!!!
5:35 PM
Thanks PM, for such a great comment.....I read ur words as if it's my own mother talking to me. UmMahtab......it's not routine to test for HIV here in Egypt. I could request the test but it's quite costly. I know that my hubby had Crystal tested....she confirmed that.....but not MM. Which I just think is stupid, cuz I have been told by my hubby that MM's Ex actually had an ex who was a french woman and she had a son by him. She disappeared somewhere off the face of the earth before he married MM. So there is definately some history there. In Canada, it's free to have HIV....so I'm thinking of asking hubby to go get tested. Insha Allah, I will actually.
Now, I'm all for free speech and saying what you want and all.....but I just find it downright tiring when some come in here and look to perform some ax murders.....yes, my comments are open to it, and honestly, it doesn't phase me anymore....but to be honest....I just skim those comments.....or even tune out.
Puh-lease........go preach ur hatred elsewhere.....the deed is done....bitch slap me if it makes u feel better......but.....yes, I said BUT....
I sat and had a talk with my girls today.....I took the little bit of sensibility out of those rage posts and sounded it out thru my kids ears. Not using any specific words here, but giving the essence to the kids and seeing what they have to say.
My girls love me, they stand by my choices, they believe in my ability to decide things for them with the best possible outcome, they love their father, the don't like what he's done....my little 11 yr old cannibal told me.....Mama, if you had a business where you put ur life into and one day you found out it was bankrupt...would you fight to keep it or just throw up ur hands and say.....OH WELL? I told her I'd fight to keep it....where she said to me.....how long would you fight for that business? A month, two or maybe more? I said prolly more. She told me, Mama, it would be worth fighting for....and maybe that business wouldn't be the same when you got it back up and running....but it's YOUR business....you have to fight for it.
SubhanAllah...there you go peoples.....criticize away.....but my 11 yr old cannibal, from her little point of view on life cut things black and white for me. I love her to death!
So forgive me if I don't bitch and scream to hubby's face, forgive me if I don't call MM and dis her out, forgive me if I ain't standing and yelling BLOODY MURDER!!, Forgive me if I ain't got an apt hidden away somewhere and an escape route planned.
What can I say? It's not in my nature. Can't fault that.
But I can take the intelligent advice of PM, who understands my nature, and say....I'm gonna do something for me......I'm gonna prepare myself for a round of the What if's....and not be caught off guard. That's what I can do......it's still passive....I know....But I'm working on the advice someone said in another blog about finding the inner bitch. I'm working on it......and that's all I can do.
5:42 PM
Congratulations Safa! God knows what He's doing here. I've always believed that never a baby enters this world without it being the will of God. I love PM's comment and from what I know of your husband, I think he does love you and will do what is right in the end, on his own. I have never read this blog and felt that he just dumped you and your girls in Egypt because it was the cheapest way out. I think he started out with good intentions and you both agreed for him to go to Canada. I think when he got there he ran into some "needy" women who with his big heart and good intentions he probably started out trying to help. I don't know. Maybe I've got it all wrong and maybe I'm just looking through smoke and mirrors and trying to see only the good in people. But as I said, I do believe he will do what is right by you and your children.
In the meantime, rest, pamper and take good care of yourself, eat well, get lots of good sleep and KNOW that I pray for you as you pray for me.
*big hugs*
5:58 PM
Alhamdulillah Safa Congratulations on the Baby. Rest and don't let people phase you with their opinions. I personally find it better not to complain about things because they have a funny way of attatching themselves to your life. When you pray to curse someone if your Deen isn't correct it affects your heart first.
I've always said that this is your fight, and unless you start charging for people to come to your blog you are going to have to wait until you have your OPTIONS in place anyway. So relax, pamper and enjoy life. For it is all too short to get upset about nonsense. I'm on to read your stand up entry.
AsSalaamu A'laikum
11:59 PM
for the child Alhamdulliah and congratz
4 the situation? .... well.. i'm not even going to dress mud water up to look like fresh lemon aid.
May Allah SWT make it easy... and my everyone fear the role they played in this saga.
12:23 AM
Lol, Celticgal, thanks for the bitchslap...muhahaha I stand by those words today too, but if Safa is pregnant, and I know that an abortion is most likely not an option, not even something she would contemplate, I cannot verbally bitchslap her for announcing a child on its way, on that I can only hope well for her and her other kids. However, in the core you are right dear fellow Viking-Kafira,...:-) She has dug herself a little deeper and tied herself harder financially and supportwise to a man we wouldn`t touch with a fire-poker and has a high probability of letting her down many more times in life. I personally would vomit, not out of morningsickness, but out of sheer fear of the future. Letting my subconsious work a little (not bothering my conscious with this)he has now in fact gotten the upper hand of Safa again, as she is financially dependant on him as I have stated earlier. To get financially independant now will be so hard I don`t see how she will pull that one off. Safa has atleast made herself a 3rd world pension-plan, however shaky those are. But pension is far away and must be put an enormous amount of money in for many years to come, until then lets watch the saga evolve and my consious tells me that there will be plenty of other posts of hers to do go "Doh!"
If you wanna chat Celticgal, I am Valkyrianna at yahoomessenger, would be kewl...:-)
Kafira
3:56 AM
I realized that kelticgirl's comment was a poke at kafira....prolly in response to her recent comment where there just was no venom. I took Kafira's comment with a grain of salt, and never thought for a moment that she would ever stand down on any of her previous comments. For kelticgirl to try and throw it in kafira's face and expect her to blush....ooh ya....u don't know Kafira....she's a realist....and as much as her comments sometimes drive the war on here.....I doubt she ever says anything she regrets.
Looks like you may have made a new friend.....at least you can thank my blog for something....
7:08 AM
Well, with all due respect, Kelticgirl has a point...
1:33 PM
Congrats!!!!!!!!!!!!
3:45 PM
Wow. 55 comments eh?
Well I don't care for the fitnah that's going on here. It's Ramadan and I think we should all watch what we are doing. But I am here to only congratulate Safa on the new addition to the family. Mabrook ya habibty.
May Allah bless you and your family.
Fi aman illah
Organic Muslimah.
12:54 PM
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