Today is the day, the day, the day........gonna run away, away, away.......

OMG....I totally forgot to post u guys what happened yesterday.
(valley girl voice inserted here-appropriate HTML code, please)

Anyways....you gotta listen to this one. Hubby asks me to come to his work yesterday and spend some time with him. He wants to go thru his paperwork from way back in 2000 and find some old receipts for him. (oh yeah...I could be drowning for days in that paperwork!) He also wants me to help him write some stuff down for his lawyer, well, let me rephrase that. He wants me to write it down. He's horrible when it comes putting pen to paper. So I'm like, okay.

So in the morning, he gets up, goes to work....I fool around on the internet for awhile....having a good "laugh" with my crazy friend, Ummabdurahman. (who I hear is trying to get Campbell's to can a new brand of soup called, "I can't believe I'm not clinically insane". I hear she's having some copyright problems tho. Love ya, baby!) Anyhoo, so after I have my fill of internet and Ummabdurahman says...LEAVE ME ALONE....I decide to go wash some laundry. I finish up like 4 loads, super quick, including a stinky blanket that smells like a sweat house!! WTH is up with the stinky blanket?? It's been that way since I got here, and I threw it under the bed, finally dig it out to wash it out....smells like Snuggle now. So when I finish, I come home and get ready to go spend the rest of the day with Hubby at the store. Kids are fed, I shower....and pick out a really amazing outfit to wear....look what I did....(Key fashion music!!!)

I have a jean abaya, I wore it open like a long jean jacket, and wore a black abaya underneath, blue suede mules and a light blue scarf. It looked great.

(Alright, stop the music already....SHEESH!)

So I decide to do something different and take the bus.....so get this.....I get downstairs and wait at the bus stop.....I know his work is only an 8 min walk away....but I so want to jump on a bus.....so I wait there, my back on the parking lot of the building and when the bus comes, I get on. One woman, who seems like she may be a muslim, (sort of wearing a head scarf) looks at my outfit approvingly......lololol......it's the jean abaya/jacket. Cost me a pretty penny, but its one of those fashion things that goes with everything. So I get to Hubby's work, and walk in.

He is busy, so I get myself together, get a pen and paper. Oh ya, I brought him a banana, so I give it to him. And then I say, lets do the stuff for the lawyer first. For some strange reason, he's just not with me. I try to remind him the things that he wanted to write down. And it's going really slowly. Jeez. So then the phone rings. It's MM.

Here's what I hear him saying, (in arabic of course)
-what??
-who told you that?
-why would they say that?
-I don't understand.
-tell me again.
-Werent u supposed to go to their house?
-don't worry about it.
-just listen to me, u'll see.
-u'll see.
-I SAID U'LL SEE!!!!!!

Ummmmm, okay. So I just try to ignore that little phone call. Seems like MM has yet another problem. SubhanAllah. So I try to redirect him back to the business at hand. His mind is really somewhere else. 5 minutes of trying to get a word out of him to write down, the phone rings again. MM.

-WHAT?
-Did you not hear what I said?
-It's not what you think. When you go there you will see.
-don't worry about it, I know what I'm talking about.
-well you should have told me the whole story, you leave things out.
-I'm not worried about it.

This time, I had to stand up and breathe. I haven't been here all of 15 minutes and she calls twice with problems.....is that all she is??? HOLY CROW!!! So I decide to let him finish the conversation in peace, and go out the back door. I walk to the end of the road, constantly blowing out my breath, "not going to cry", I say to myself. WHY IS SHE ALWAYS IN MY FACE?? WHY CAN"T I JUST HAVE SOME TIME WITH HUBBY AND FORGET SHE EXISTS? WHY DOESN"T HUBBY TELL HER HE"LL TALK TO HER LATER? WHY DOES HE NOT RESPECT MY FEELINGS? HOLY CROW!!

So I walk to the end of the road, find some wild flowers and pick one. Sort of like a bright pink daisy....it makes me feel better looking at it. I find it unique that it's not yellow and white. I feel like this flower. Carrying my find, I walk back and go inside the store. Hubby is busy with someone. Okay. So I put the flower on the desk, and get out my pen and paper again. Hubby finishes with the person and says to me, Now where were we? I put on my bright face and guide him back to the work at hand. (Can't he see that I'm upset? That I'm holding tight on the reins and losing?)

So we start again....I've been with him now about 25 mins in total. I get a couple of things written down and guess what?
I mean...GUESS WHAT??? MM CALLS AGAIN!!!

SHOOT ME NOW!! HOLY CROW! PEANUT BUTTER CUPS!
SON OF A NUTCRACKER!!!!

So while he's going on about I don't know what with her.....I give up. That's it. I ain't gonna waste my whole afternoon with him while he sits and talks to MM about whatever new problem has developed in her world. I'm frustrated, pissed, and feel like I've been slapped in the face. So while he's talking to MM, I stand up, get my purse and turn to him and say, "Ayza Hagga?" (which means, u want something? A typical way of saying that you are leaving) He looks at me, while talking to MM and I mean....looks at me, and then says, No. So I say, assalaamu alaikum and leave. I spent maybe 35 minutes with him in total.

I walk part of the way home, trying again not to let my emotions run over the brim. Why do I hold back like that? And see the bus coming and jump on. Just call me lazy. I stop in front of the building and stupid me, notice that our car is parked in the driveway. (he left it for me cuz he knew I'd be coming to him at work) Don't know how I missed it the first time...preoccupied I suppose. I walk into the convenience store and buy, A big bag of Ranch Doritos, 2 chocolate bars, a bottle of Rootbeer and some Sidekicks mashed potatoes. When I get home, I get my 14 yr old to make me the potatoes, and I eat everything. I still don't feel better. Sheesh.

So Hubby calls me in about 30 mins.

-why did you leave?
-well cuz I see that u aren't concentrating with me and we weren't accomplishing anything.
-any other reason?
-yes. because I am a woman, and women get jealous, and for ONCE in my life, I'd like to forget that you have another wife, and not have to always have you deal with her problems on MY back. She's always got problems and I have to sit quietly and just handle it. I have limits, and this afternoon, you reached them.
Quiet. Maybe an entire 30 secs of him just breathing.-are you still there?
-yes.
-so khollas?
-okay, hadr....salaam.

He came home last night, I got sick and felt cold after we ate dinner. So I went to lie down while he was watching the Jungle Book with the kids. The girls came to check on me, but not him. They stayed up until after 1 am. This morning, I woke him up early.....and asked him, how come you didnt come check on me when u knew I was sick. He said he did. Don't I remember? No, I says. Ask the kids. So it seems that he did. That's good.

So his plan for today is that he's going to work, then he's got to drop something over at MM's house. He tried to convince my 14 yr old to go to work with him. Not telling her about the little side trip to MM's. I told her tho, and she told her father she wants to stay and help Mama. (she doesn't want to meet MM) He tried to ask the other girls if anyone wants to come....my 11yr old said she'd go.....(the little traitor!! LOLOLOL!!!) But then I says.....I need some help at home, so I'd rather the kids stay with me. He says OK.

Here's our plan for today. He's gonna come back, we are gonna go to the mall to buy a couple of things, go get Popeye's for the kids, bring them home and then afterwards him and I are going out to dinner. When he told me that we were going for dinner, I asked him if he'd be staying with us tonight. He said yes. I had to ask. It hurts so bad that he dropped me off last time. So that's when we'll have our talk. I wonder how it'll go. Badly, I'm sure.

I wish Hubby would say he needs me for once. Instead of pushing me away for the kids. Telling me that he can handle things. If he'd just allow me to be his wife. I feel like I'm the babysitter. My purpose in life is to be a good Mom, everything else is second. My own Husband doesn't want me for him......he likes me being the babysitter. While I'm off dealing with school, exams, cut knees, bloody noses, waking up at 3 am, cleaning up barf......he's in the arms of his new find.

No worries. I'm not happy.
No worries. I'm going nuts.
No worries. Things will work out.
No worries. I have strength.
No worries. My expectations are too high.
No worries. I'm fading away.
No worries. I'm not who I used to be.
No worries. I'm grasping at straws.
No worries. I'm drowning and can't even save myself.
No worries. No worries. No worries. No worries! No worries!!!!
NO WORRIES! NO WORRIES!! NO WORRIES!!! NO WORRIES!!!!

NO MORE WORRIES!!!!!!!!!!!


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