disowned the night before Eid...
Tonight the ex came to pick up the kids. He was supposed to be at the house at 5 pm and would be returning the kids on Saturday evening. They would be spending Eid with him.
It really didnt work out that way.
He finally arrived at 7:20 pm. I had court documents that needed to be served to him and if it wasn't for the fact that I was on a deadline, I wouldn't have served him until he was returning the kids. At 7:30 pm, the ex left with the kids and the court papers.
7:45 pm, they were home again.
My front door flew open and the 13 yr old ran screaming crying into the house and right into her room. I ran to the front door and saw my oldest taking Abdu out of the van and motioning for me that everything was okay. So I ran upstairs to see Maryam. She was laid flat on her bed, yelling leave me alone and pounding the mattress....what to do? I could hear Cleo yelling, so I ran back downstairs....
I couldn't make sense out of what she was yelling and was trying to calm her down....she banged her feet on the floor, tears streaming down her face....I TOLD YOU I TOLD YOU! Nemo pushed by her with an angry look on her face and she says..."i never wanna see Baba again"
Cleo ran to her room saying for no one to bug her....(and yelling, yelling) So upstairs again I went to check on Maryam. Suddenly I hear Abdu yelling, crying from downstairs and I look from the railing....he says to me..."Baba say fuck you stupid and I dont want Baba anymore"
OMG.....
Back to Maryam.....she calms down, sobbing in my arms.....
The minute the kids got into the van, the EX started up.
"Your mother is a fucking bitch, goddam fucking bitch. All she wants to do is ruin my fucking life..." blah blah blah. But then Cleo butt in and said...."Baba, I don't think this sort of talking is appropriate for the kids"
....and all hell broke loose.
He told her to fuck off, and between all the effin this and effin that, Maryam piped up and said to him, "Baba I don't know if you will like what I'm about to say....." He cut her off quickly with a "fuck you, you little bitch" ....again, Cleo cut him off and said to drive them home.
He then told the kids that he wasn't their father and that they were all fucked up.....when he arrived at my door he told the kids he never wants to see them again. Then he yelled...GET OUT!
I'm hurting for all my children right now. I held Cleo until she finally stopped sobbing, caressing her forehead and rubbing her arms. She finally fell asleep from exhaustion.....
I'm at a loss for words, for a reaction..... I'm stunned and doubt that sleep will find me tonight....
posted by Safa at 6:07 PM
14 Comments:
I am so sorry Safa. There is absolutely no excuse for his behavior. It's appalling that he would treat his children by saying the things he says. He is no father by any stretch of the imagination and a piss poor excuse for a human being.
I hope you document this and let your lawyer know what happened. I hope your children are alright. I know that they will be in time. They have you and Sjon. That is all that matters. After this, I would never let him see the kids again. This is emotional and verbal abuse.
If you ever want to talk, I am always here for ya.
Love and Hugs!
6:51 PM
You need to get this all in a deposition and move to end visitation IMMEDIATELY. At the very least you should not allow him to take the kids and make HIM GO TO COURT if he wants to fight it. This is NOT acceptable in any way and he is a danger to them. This is abuse and I do not believe the courts will allow him to get away with this.
Safa, YOU HAVE THE POWER TO STOP THIS FUCKING ASSHOLE FROM SCREWING UP HIS KIDS EVEN MORE THAN HE HAS. Let Maryam stay with him and keep communication between you and her open, but DO NOT let her work his manipulation on her siblings.
I want to say Eid Mubarak, but I know it sounds hollow. Just know that I am praying that you all put this monster out of your lives.
Love you,
Lisa
6:58 PM
Subhanallah Safa, this is REALLY bad. I cannot believe he can be so horrible! Subhanallah to mess with the kids... that's unforgiveable.
You need to speak to your lawyer AND social worker ASAP. This messed up thing is really detrimental for the children. I pray that he won't be given unsupervised visitation rights but if he is, you can put a clause that no parent is allowed to speak badly of the other parent and if so he can lose visitation rights or something.
Insha'Allah your lawyer will be able to guide you and make sure that this never happens again.
Subhanallah, I'm all for supporting parents' rights to see their kids but he's been so bad I'm hoping he'll go to Egypt and never come back.
Don't let this go!
9:19 PM
I immediately sent an email to my lawyer about the visit with all details. I have to go file an affidavit this morning and then afterwards I'll be on the phone with my lawyer.....
5:15 AM
Geeze, to what extent will this man go? He has now verbally and emotionally abused the kids, and that is just not cool. You did the right thing, sending the e-mail to your lawyer, while everything was still fresh. He is a crazy man, and hte only reason he was being nice to them in the first place is because he thought it would get him out of paying any child support. Been there done that, believe me.
The poor kids, just keep them close to you and nurture them, they are the ones suffering the most.
6:09 AM
You know, I was talking to my husband today and we were both just... so disgusted subhanallah. This is nothing but child abuse.
Was Noora there? Was MM there?
I have to say Safa that you brought up strong women! They're still young and yet stood up to their father and stop his abuse. It must have been really hard for them to speak up. What they did is amazing and I'm sure you must be so proud of them! While lots of people put so much stress on women and their "dresscode", I believe that THIS is what Islam is about, and this is what Allah swt teaches us in the Quran: to stand up to injustice, to defend the disadvantaged, to defend truth.
All the best!
8:09 AM
Safa, I am absolutely speechless! This is really horrible and I pray that you and your kids will heal (quickly) from this traumatic experience.
Sending love, support and healing thoughts your way!
Natalia
p.s. I agree with what others said,you should stop his visitation rights NOW.
2:21 PM
MM and Noora were both there. My children are just fine today, as much as I can see. I few extra hugs today were given around.....
It's Eid and none of us are feeling it tho.....sigh...
3:49 PM
So is Noora still with that bastard after that scene? I bet she hates it all on some level.
I hope you can nail his ass to the wall over this and your children will be spared more of his poison.
4:35 PM
MM and Noora know that his abuse can be turned on them at the bat of an eyelash so they try to steer clear of the shit when it hits the fan. My mother was the type that only had enough love for one child at a time, out of the 5 of us, so she played us off against each other to compete for her favor. It made for a very unhealthy environment for sibling relationships and in the long run ruined our relationships with her (2 out of her 5 children don't even speak to her and one hasn't seen her for 20 years although they live in the same small town). Eventually we learned to stand up to my mother's manipulative bullying because the "prize" (her approval) wasn't worth seeing what was happening to our siblings. But it was in our late teens and early 20s that we all got on board and decided to not let this woman continue to pit us against each other. We are better today for it but still don't have close sibling relationships.
I realize I am almost writing a book but I wanted to say that this is what will happen to Noora if she doesn't start seeing how wrong his "favoritism" is. It is her choice but more importantly it will be her loss.
I won't waste my fingers typing about the Moroccan wench. She's already shown us what kind of person she is.
Love,
Lisa
7:16 PM
Salam,
To be honest, I never expected MM to just witness that and don't say anything about it.
I don't know what kind of mother would actually allow for someone to abuse children right in front of her eyes. It actually makes me sad.
4:30 AM
I've been so upset about what happen to the children when Eid was approaching, I could'nt even type my thoughts. I still can't. I'm so sorry this happen to your kids. He proves over and over how he is the scum of the earth.
10:25 AM
Wow, I have no words either. I am very proud of your girls though. Im sure it was very hard of them to stand up to him. I fourth (or fifth?) filing to have his visitation taken away, or at least have it be supervised, if you have that in Canada. Like your kids havent been through enough. I really want to pound him!!!
You are the strong, guiding force in their lives. You are so strong for them. Be sure they will realize someday what you went through.
Lots of hugs!
Anisah
10:45 AM
I agree with the others about documenting and getting his visitations stopped immediately. I feel so bad for your children, but they have you and Sjon to show them what real family is like, thank goodness. Sending hugs and prayers your way.
8:56 AM
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