when you've drawn the line...

So I've known my mom is sick for a long time. Not sick like she has a bad cold, but rather, mentally unwell. The events in the last two weeks have proven that she is really unstable....

Since I came back from Holland, Mom has been nitpicking around the house. This is wrong, that is wrong....you gotta do things her way, or she has a fit. She keeps coming upstairs to find something new to complain about or argue about....or something mean to say....sigh.

It's been too much. Lately her favourite target has been Sjon. Always bothering him to do things the "right way"....to the point that even when he was doing homework with the 6 yr old it wasn't good enough. (neither was reading her a bed time story)...

I've been exhausted with what to do about her. I started making comments to her about her not being a happy ray of sunshine....or other hints at her dark presence. I think on some level, she realized that she's being a pain, but on the other hand, she feels justified because she's only explaining the right way of doing things. (Yes, there is emphasis on the RIGHT way)...examples? Wash dishes from right to left....sweep the floor, don't miss corners....fold the sheets and double them in two not three, but the cat litter box facing east not south....(?)

So the big blowout happened about 2 weeks ago. It happened on the first real snowfall.....Sjon went to go shovel the driveway....(which surprisingly, also coincided with the delivery of his shipping from Holland) So as he is shovelling...(his first time to do this)....Mom goes outside with her bad back, knee and shoulders and decides she's going to shovel and show him how to do it properly. (rolling eyes).... So she followed him around the driveway explaining how to do the scoop and drop manouver....the importance of complete salt coverage....how to efficiently shovel around cars....etc etc. The entire time, following behind him and pointing fingers and actually just nag nag nagging. Sjon handled it and was quiet and decided that perhaps there was some wisdom in what she was saying.....and suddenly, it wasn't enough for her. She decided that she needed another shovel and ordered Sjon to stand still in the driveway and not f**k anything up while she went to get the other shovel from the shed. He was NOT TO MOVE. Yeah, he was pissed about that.

He came and told me....and I went outside to see wth she was up to. She comes back and starts complaining how Sjon is ruining our perfect driveway by not shovelling correctly. I see they are almost done and go inside. Maybe 5 mins later, Sjon comes in. He says they finished the driveway but Mom told him that they have to shovel the street. (the street??) And he said....if you wanna shovel the street, okay I'll help...but lets go get warmed up, grab a coffee and then continue. She declined and he came in. (fully planning to go back out....) When he told me about shovelling the street I was shocked. WTH? We don't shovel the street....and I went outside to get her but she refused to come in. The street had to be shovelled. I actually tried to grab the shovel off her, but she wouldn't give it up.....grabbing the shovel close to her and going on about how it had to be done properly. So I shovelled a bit of the street, and then I too, went inside.

Suddenly a few minutes later, Mom storms in swearing and yelling..."YOU EFFIN DAISY!! LEAVING A WOMAN OUTSIDE TO DO A MAN'S WORK!! YOU USELESS F**K!!" and oooh so much more.....the kids were sitting around.....and then she stormed downstairs with me yelling at her....

It was short lived tho....because she came back up and started yelling again....YOU EFFIN DAISY! Blah blah blah....all her words were mean and spiteful and provoking......Sjon finally lost it and yelled back at her...Shut the EFF UP!!! and he threw a beanie babie at the basement door......suddenly she comes around that door and jumps on top of Sjon...(who is sitting on the livingroom couch with the 12 yr old beside him)....and she starts POUNDING HIM....punch punch punch....super fast and even punches the 12 year old in her craziness.....Sjon pushes her off him, and she lands on the floor, her glasses flying....she stands up and he jumps across the room yelling at her to calm down and just be peaceful, but she side swipes and punches him in the ribs....

It was horrible to see. Horrible. All the kids jump up....Gramma gone crazy. She's yelling, I'm yelling, Sjon's yelling.....I tell her to go downstairs. Tell her she's not welcome upstairs. And finally she goes. I locked the basement door.

And it just didn't stop there....

She comes up and yells that she wants the wheels back for her plastic organizer bin that her friend gave her. What wheels? I ask her. And she explains that she had wheels on the bin and that Sjon stole them. (WTH?) Then she started obsessing on these supposed wheels and kept asking for them, writing notes, sending messages with my brother....

SHE WANTS HER WHEELS!!!

And then THE NOTE came upstairs....she threatens that she's going to call immigration Canada and have Sjon deported unless she receives her wheels by 10 am. In that letter she says all sorts of horrible things, but the most notable is the fact that she threatens to have me thrown in jail and my children taken away from me and sent back to my ex.

SHE WANTS HER WHEELS!!!

I'm stunned. How could she threaten me with such a thing? So 10 am comes and goes...(we don't have the wheels..)....and at 10:30 am, the police call our house and ask for Sjon. They ask him if he stole her wheels. He talks to the officer and then hands me the phone. I explain to the officer that mom is on meds and she has refused to take them since the middle of October. Tell him that she's impossible and that I'm really worried about her. I hang up with him and a little bit later, I get a call from Mom's friend....seems the officer told mom that she's depressed and sick and needs medical help.

The basement stays locked.

So I decide that I need to talk to Mom's doctor and make an appt......can't say much in 15 mins, but I sure got my point across. I do know that the DR called Mom in a couple days later and mom went for her appt. I sure do wonder what happened....but I'm not speaking to her.

I could forgive so much that is said in anger, or even in a fit.....but threatening to have me jailed and my kids taken away? Oh that's definitely a thousand paces over the line. So I remain firm and tough about how this is going. I asked Mom to move, and she refused...(about a week and a half ago) And the basement stays locked up. My brother comes upstairs to hang out, but he has to walk around from the side door.

Have you ever been in such a position? Where you love someone so much and it just isn't enough? Oh how I wish I could just blink my eyes and that day was gone....but it won't happen...and the reality of Mom's mental instability is right here, right now.

It's been over a week, and I haven't seen her, haven't spoken to her. I've asked her to move and she sent word with my brother that she's looking for someplace new. Good to hear.

I hope that she gets the proper meds and can move on her with her life.....I surely think that the kids and I have seen enough drama to last us without moving into this new phase with my Mom.

~~~~~

On a good note....the kids and I and Sjon are all doing well.....enjoying our first Xmas.....and just opening our hearts and our home to new friends and new times. Life does go on.