Where I'm at now.....
.....well not really, because I'm not telling......
But....
....we've moved. A day early, too! And with soooo many obstacles, you have no idea. My landlord was supposed to give me back $200...(considering he took the other $1650....sigh!)...it hasn't shown up yet.... The extra money I was supposed to get from a gov't agency was mistakenly put into a wrong bank account and now it's being resent....oh man! But did I let that stop me? NOPE! We must have loaded the van a million times and brought over all that we could.... I even managed to bring the beds. So we slept our first night in peace and quiet and without me worrying that the ex would be knocking on windows.....
I called a go between and told them that if the ex wanted to see the children...that I want the following:
1) an address and phone number for him in Canada
2) copies of his 2007 and 2008 tax returns
3) $1000 and a promise to start paying support
The ex called the 14 yr old and said he could only bring the tax returns. *snort* So away we went.........
.....but not before he asked to speak to the oldest, who is turning 17 this year. He's been to the house twice but both times didn't see her (once she was sleeping, 2nd time at work).... Reluctantly she took the phone and said salaam to him. At first he was nice.....but the conversation went like this....
HIM: How are you, habibaat Baba?
HER: Alhamdulillah, I'm good, Baba, how are you?
HIM: Good. Am I going to see you?
HER: Of course you are, but I've been busy....
HIM: Busy with what?
HER: Working and school, I need to work so I can get money to take care of myself...
HIM: (angry voice yelling now)...WHY DO YOU NEED MONEY? WHY DOESN"T THE GUY LIVING WITH YOU PAY MONEY? YOU HAVE A HOMELESS MAN IN YOUR HOUSE WITH YOU AND YOUR SHAYTANA MOTHER......
HER: click.
Oh yes....she hung up....!!!
I was so proud of her. I told her...Honey...you just took away his chance to try and manipulate you....you took charge...took control....I'm so proud of you!!!
Sigh.....
~~~~~~
The other good things...well, I've been thinking alot....and I'm glad I'm not that meek mother anymore.....I've become an independant and capable woman in Canada. Oh yes sure, I've taken some liberties....but I feel in charge. Never again will I lie in my bed staring at the ceiling wishing I could just sink inside the mattress......
I'm so thankful to so many of my readers for being a pillar of strength, support and advice.
Thank you so much PM....for being there yourself and guiding me thru things.... Thank you Alexandra for being tough and mean when needed, and sometimes kicking me in the ass! And of course, yet another wealth of info...
Thanks to Sadiyah....she helped me get here in the first place....
Thanks to Ummabdur-rahman....cheese grits......*mwah!
Thanks to all....for thats all I remember at the moment....
~~~~~
Abdu's operation on the 9th....so much going on......sigh
posted by Safa at 2:15 PM
19 Comments:
Ah,then I can go to my bed and not stare at my ceiling worrying at all. Straight to snoring mode ;-)
Thank You wonderful woman Safa-Sharon for letting me into your life, pondering, learning, laughing, shiftight sight. Making me feel that I can do something that matters with this keyboard!
Ya all sleep tight, no worries tonight. Your lil man will be allright! And Yay! to that girl of yours! She`s got her mothers born spirit right :-)
Niteyhugs from Norway and a holler out to PM, hope all is well with you too!
3:51 PM
Alhumdulilah the move went well. I am so happy that you all are safe and sound now.
You have come so far...it's amazing and I am so proud of you.
I will pray for your little guy. Insha'Allah he will be ok.
Love ya!!!
7:59 PM
...and he wont stop there. i wish i could tell you to change your number but i cant. when i was afraid my ex would just show up i preferred he continue having my number though he irritated me on the phone so that i could always know what he was up to...i wanted to stay one step ahead of him.
inshallah all will go well for your little cutie...seems your ex should be worrying about him and his upcoming surgery instead of who you have in your life...i get so angry. forgive me. he didnt give a flip how you hurt over the other wives, he just has no right to say anything about whom youre seeing.
take care safa. stay safe with your children.
8:04 PM
Masha'ALlah glad you stuck to your guns and got yourself moved!!!
I really do hope this will be a new leaf for you Safa and that things will go more smoothly.
Have you taken any legal actions yet? Warned the schools yet? Rememebr he can always try to follow them home one day from school to find out where they live now... be on the warning for that. Watch for a tail....
DOn't wanna make you paranoid but let's face it this is flesh and blood we are talking about....
Wishing you the best.
May Allah help your son and cure him and make it easy for him. Amin.
11:17 PM
That man's soul is a tragic. Good for your eldest for not getting dragged into that. Will he never learn?
10:55 AM
You are always most welcome for any little thing I do, sweetie. You have risen to every challenge and surpassed it; and I feel such joy in knowing you.
Love to the kids and the little patient will be in my prayers, as you all are.
Love,
PM
12:22 PM
tomorrow is the surgery yeah? big prayers for the little fella, you and all the family.
4:02 PM
Your new house sounds nice. Glad you were able to get away from him - physically at least. Hi 5 to your daughter for not putting up with his $h*t.
11:39 PM
You're all in my prayers, especially the little one today. Hope all goes well:)
3:18 AM
thinking of u and abdu today.... good luck and lots of hugs!
4:09 AM
Assalamu `alaykum,
Wow... it's incredible how he doesn't help his case and is doing almost everything possible to get his kids to hate him! Seriously... some men are just so...clueless.
I really think that you should still try to do as much as possible to make sure your kids are never taken out of the country.
Going to your kids' schools and warning them and making sure no one is allowed to take your kids would be a good idea.
Legally, you should request a well written custody order.
Also... I read on the Canadian Foreign Service that you can for e.g. request to the egyptian consulate that they don't issue a passport for the children (in case the ex wants to do that) and also put your kids on the Passport Control List so that your ex cannot get them a Canadian passport.
Here's a website that I found useful:
http://www.voyage.gc.ca/publications/child-abductions_enlevements-enfants-eng.asp
Finally... isn't there a way of forcing your ex to pay child support? I'm pretty sure there has to be something and I would try to move fast and get him while he's in Canada :)
7:51 AM
iA, i hope the surgery goes well tomorrow and the little guy heals quickly and is up and running soon. May Allah bless you and the kids and keep everyone safe. Ameen.
9:29 AM
Praying your little guy gets through the surgery okay!
That ex just doesn't get it, does he? Hope you talk to a lawyer there and find a way to protect the kids and get him to cough up some $!
1:23 PM
Thinking of your boy today, hope all went well.
I made a search on enforcement. This means you need to have a child-support case in place, you need to establish his duty through court to pay.
When this is established and if he fails, there is a wonderful list of what Canada can ride his a** on.
http://www.mcss.gov.on.ca/mcss/english/how/enforce.htm
Suspend his driverslicense, make a mess of his credit, go into any bank-account he has in Ca, seize property and according to Ontario-site, land him in jail for upto 180 days if he does not pay.
I would say this is first order of business for you Sharon, establish his child-support duties. It gives the state and you so many venues to explore...;-)
8:15 AM
I keep coming back here and I've had to leave before commenting each time.
I hope your son's surgery went well yesterday. I wish for him a speedy and complication free recovery. Please let us know how he is doing.
1:52 PM
Assalamu alaikom sis, How is your son? Inshallah everything went well. You all are in my prayers.
Of course it is running in the back of my mind if his father showed up for the surgery or has even offered any help.
Anyhow update us soon on Abdu's condition.
2:45 AM
WOW - I am out of the loop for a few days and everything changes. I am so glad for your daughter - for the srength of character she has. In shaa allah you will be able to protect them from such deceit and poison. Great to know that you have moved - despite the hurdles placed in your way. Hope that the surgery went well and the patient recovers quickly. Take care of yourself and your brood. Think one step ahead so that you can keep them safe.
6:15 AM
Wow the things I miss when I go to the hospital. I think I will have to make sure I stick around so I can see what is happening in your life. I can not believe he had the nerve to show up....your man should have sent Tasneem(spelling?) inside and whooped his ass.....If I was there I would have thrown my grits on him(well maybe not cuz that would be wasteful, and I like grits) But I would have so kicked his ass....
8:30 AM
I just wanted to tell you to be careful because if your daughter does have his number she may feel like calling him with hope in her heart. He will dissapoint her yet again but he will officially have your number and if he can find someone to use the internet he can do a reverse phone number look up and get your new address. I suggest getting a private number.
12:21 AM
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