Puzzle Pieces II
We spent a wonderful Sunday afternoon last weekend........a family picnic and flying kites. It's wonderful to have this time together........
We had the wagon loaded up with goodies......and walked to the park....
Here's a pic of us at the park.....on another day.....
Here's a pic of us at the park.....on another day.....
ENJOY!!!
posted by Safa at 7:23 AM
46 Comments:
how did u meet? shopping for eyeglass frames???? hee hee.... just kidding. what a nice pic of the two of u. again, u look fantastic!
8:19 AM
so much fun with the kites!!!have lots and lots of fun together!!!
8:41 AM
I am so glad you all had a great time together. The kids look like they were having so much fun. And you look great!!!
Love ya!!!
10:05 AM
yeah you do look fantastic.good for you safa.but my question is do you ever get surprised that how your life changed in just over a year?
2:53 PM
laughing @ frames....LOOOL!!!!
3:53 PM
You guys are cute together! how did you meet?
Hugs!
Anisah
8:13 AM
You look so happy and so beautiful. It makes my heart so happy to see you like this. Best of luck to you and Mr. Anonymous.
8:25 AM
Oh, you look, like you belong together. The phrames also came to my mind, some bucks saved, two for the price of one!
Look at his stature, he looks like a man secure in himself.
I can`t express how happy I am for the both of you...*sobs a lil*
Hugs!
10:00 AM
I am happy for you Safa, u r glowing mashallah !!
Love
-Ruhgu
12:28 PM
You know everytime I think of you and your new found happiness I think of the question your youngest girl use to ask..
"Why are there no daddies in our home?"
Even if this man isn't her daddy, I hope she is enjoying have a male figure around.
BTW.. how are the kids liking him?
?
3:47 AM
Salaamu alaikum, Safa.
I rarely write on your blog because I have disagreed with some of the steps you have taken - namely, removing hijab and dating a non-muslim man. I didn't want to be attacked by your readers and I hope I won't be immediately dismissed by you.
I applaud one thing - that you know taking off your hijab is wrong, and that you expect punishment for it. You, for one, are not denying your sin, and pretending it is not sin.
Safa, you seem like such a nice person, I am really concerned about these steps you have been taking.
A few months ago, my best friend left Islam. It was heart-breaking for me. I didn't see the clues that she was struggling with her deen and she hadn't opened up to me, which was shocking, because we were so close. Looking back, I could see what those clues were, but because I had believed she was strong in her faith, I had never guessed that her unhappiness in her personal life would lead to her abandoning her religion. She decided that she wanted to do un-Islamic things, and so, decided that she was not a muslim anymore because she could not practice Islam.
I know you are not at that point, alhamdulileh, and I hope that you never are. I have prayed for you & your family for help & guidance.
Just know 2 things: Islam is not an all-or-nothing religion. It is all of our jobs to practice to the best of our ability. If you cannot be the best, never abandon your religion or your faith. Instead, practice to the best of your ability and continue to ask Allah to forgive you your weaknesses, and trust that He is the Most Merciful, Most-Forgiving. Continue to strive to be patient.
Second, don't believe your readers who are trying to persuade you that certain things you know to be sins are not sins. Simply ask them to bring their proof, not their opinions. Not their wise deductions, not their "progressive" intellect. Their solid proof from our two sources of our deep faith.
Finally, I want you to know that the point of this life is not to achieve happiness. That was one of the reasons my friend who left Islam gave - she was not happy, and being a muslim (her situation or understanding of it anyway) didn't make her happy. She wanted to do what made her happy.
The something I tried to get across to her is that the purpose of our creation, the meaning of life is to worship Allah.
This life is a test. Sure, happiness is nice, but in comes and goes, regardless of your status or circumstances. When the going gets rough, people like the above jump ship, or try to find a different, "progressive" way to shore.
What SHOULD happen - and of course we ALL need practice at this - when Allah gives us tests, we turn EVEN MORE STRONGLY AND FAITHFULLY TO ALLAH, saying, O Allah! HELP ME get through this! There is no helper but you!
And I KNOW you did that. You did! You cried & begged. And so did my old friend. For awhile.
And then she gave up, because she wasn't getting the results or the answers she wanted.
Do you see how Allah is still testing you? He's testing your faith. He knew you would do the things you are doing now - and He wants for you to rise above it - take the high road and disregard the nafs and do what is right, in spite of all your trials (and there are many). We must earn His Grace, His Mercy, His Guidance, His Forgiveness.
One has to be patient, and persistant - maybe till the end of one's life. THAT'S true patience. And waiting with a truly open, faithful, thankful heart - not a suspicious heart, or one that thinks, maybe semi-consciously, well, I'm only going to do X if you give me Y.
Prophet Job did not even ask Allah to heal his afflictions, because he knew the reward he was getting from his trials!
That's not to say one should not seek help from Allah - one is certainly welcome - and praiseworthy - for doing so. Allah is the Sustainer, Allah is the Most Merciful.
You said that you will not ask for mercy, because it's for cowards.
But Safa, Allah LOVES those who ask for His Mercy! He LOVES those who rely solely on Him!
Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) taught us that NO ONE will get into Jannah by his or her deeds alone. Not even himself. We will get into Jannah ONLY by Allah's Mercy. None of us is anything near imaginably perfect, and it is His Mercy alone that is so Great and Beneficient that he CAN forgive and show mercy. But we must want it and seek it.
So the point is, you may be happy now - but who cares? You are leading yourself (along with the readers who are cheering you on - there are many) down a path AWAY from what is right, away from the truth.
What we should be seeking is happiness in the ETERNAL world. Everything else is GUARANTEED to be fleeting. It means nothing, because this life is just a short little test.
All muslims, all who know of the afterlife, the believers - their utmost heart's desire is Jannat Firdaus. That is what we are striving for.
You may know what's right or wrong - but it our job as your friends (which is better), or acquaintances in the sisterhood of Islam to remind and guide with good intention. I do not wish you harm, which is why I am disturbed. I do not wish you to pass on incorrect things to your children, and spread misinformation in our ummah (which some readers are helping along).
It is our job to speak about what is right. All imams remind us - again, again, and again. The Qur'an reminds us - again, again, and again.
We know what is right but we need to be uplifted, inspired to receive it and have it hit home, maybe not today, maybe next week.
Don't have the light drowned out or silenced because no one feels like seeing it.
I so wish my friend had confided in me her struggles with her faith before she took the decision to leave Islam. I SO would have loved at least the opportunity to help her figure out whatever she was struggling with.
You are still in a position that you may feel stronger one day in her deen - inshaAllah! It is your true friends' jobs to help bring you to that place of peace & safety.
Those that go spreading their mere opinions about what is true should simply bring proof. Shaitan has caught them and found all sorts of wily ways to make wrong seem right. He is excellent and blurring those lines.
Love from your sister in Islam.
9:55 AM
I have to second what UmmYehiya has said. As much as I am a liberal to each his own person it DOES hurt me to see a Muslim go away from the deen. I can't know your heart... None of us can. But I have two big concerns... One wordly and one not.
First, I am afraid that the path you are on will make it hard to come back to practicing the deen as you have in the past. I once heard a scholar address the questions of a person who was having a crisis and wanting to stop practicing the deen. Basicly the questioner was asking if she should take off her hijab and stop going to the functions at the masjid with her family. His answer (and I think it was a wise one) was to keep her struggles PRIVATE because the more she publicly did things out of the deen the harder it would be for her to go back to it. She told him she felt like a hypocrite and her deeds were not accepted anyway... He told her "better to be a hypocrite for now." A hard pill to swallow, but I do think that it's true. You start to build your life around things you wouldn't do as a Muslim and then what are you going to do? Break everything down and start over again??? We converts know all too well how hard that is.
As to the man, the second thing. I know you are happy, and that's a good thing... But take it from the daughter of a woman who married young (and divorced and has a mess of a love life even still). The first guy that a person who married at the age you did finds after getting out on her own may not always be the best choice. And I hope you don't jump into anything... You have to make up for the years you spent putting your personal development aside because you were married. You have lots of personal work to do, and I would hate to see you get hurt by jumping into something because you maried young and you are seeking a chance at "romance". It's one thing to have a stupid fling when you are 20 and quite another when you are a mother and the sole provider for your family.
I don't want to be mean, and I think you seem like such a sweet person... I want what's best for you in this life and the next. As your sister in Islam I love you, and all the years reading about you situation I ached for you. I KNOW you can find a way to make the best of this. Hugs.
10:43 AM
Salam Safa, peace and mercy of Allah to you and to your beautiful kids...
I want to add my voice to UmmLayla and UmmYehiya's in agreement, and to say also that even when we feel far from Allah swt He doesn't leave us but is closer to us still than the vein in our neck.
Allah has no need of us. Yet, he is always waiting for us to turn back to him as we continually fall away.
Remember how He describes his welcome of us when we turn to Him:
The Prophet (peace be upon him) related to us that Allah says:
"I am as My servant thinks of Me. I am with him when he remembers Me. If he remembers Me within himself, I mention him within Myself. If he mentions me before company, I mention him before a greater company. If he draws near to Me a handspan, I draw near to him an arm's length. If he draws near to Me an arm's length, I come near to him the distance of outspread arms. If he comes to Me walking, I come to him running."
[Sahīh al-Bukhārī (6856) and Sahīh Muslim (4832)]
salam and love for the sake of Allah :)
Sarah
2:44 PM
The nasiha is just a little too strong in here. And I'll say it - self righteous. If I was having issues with my deen and had sister friends like that, I'd keep it to myself too. No offense, but this nasiha, if we're calling it that, comes off more like one is trying to shore oneself up than deep concern. If I had something to say to Safa, I'd email her privately. But if I had something I wanted to show off, well, I wouldn't.
4:55 PM
I was reading another comment and someone said, "Oh I wonder why so many of these commenters are ex Muslim" along with the many comments throughout the recent posts implying that you've left Islam Safa, and that most of your readership has or is about to. Who is leading who off the primrose, er, straight path?
Safa, there is such a major, major difference in your eyes and your face between the photos now and the photos from Egypt. You look ALIVE now, you have joy, confidence in these photos. In those other photos, you always looked so sad, so empty, so lost, so tired. And yet, we're not supposed to be happy? Allah doesn't want us to be happy? That seems odd. Why give people the capacity to feel joy, confidence, life if it's better to feel dead and depressed as long as you're following a set of rules?
I've read some comments here and elsewhere blaming husbands for the issues that convert women have with the deen. I find this to be a problem. I don't know about other women, but for myself, I have something called a brain that I use to come up with unique thoughts of my own, even though, of course, I was disadvantaged enough to be born to a non Muslim family as a female.
This is the truth that seems to be emerging from the past few years - that a lot of the men and women who converted in the golden age of the 1990s are leaving the deen, questioning it, or radically reworking it. Sort of a personal reformation, rather than a large scale one like the Christians. Does it coincide with the endings of marriages? Yeah sometimes it seems to. There are a lot of convert women who came to some realizations about the deen years ago but stayed publicly Muslim because they feared for their children. Please, let us face the reality. We are in an interesting, interesting time as North American Muslims. Alhamdulilah, more and more women are saying "Hold up, what???" I have seen some of the bloggers here post about how absolutely unhappy and cruddy their marital situations are, and now they're jumping all over this lady, saying elsewhere on the 'net "we don't know the whole story" etc. Worry about yourselves.
This woman has such NOOR in her face now, such salama, such amal. If Allah doesn't want her to have that without her following a very specific interpretation of Islam, well, golly, I think the All Powerful can let her know on his own, can't he? Does he need your help? Does he need you?? Subhan-Allah!
Otherwise, why can't we just support a fellow human being? If what she's living now upsets you or angers you, well, is someone holding a gun to your head making you read this? They're not. I stopped reading a lot of Muslim blogs that just upset me or were full of nonsense or whatever. You can do the same. We all have a choice. We all do.
Beh - I get all worked up, that is why I don't post more comments Miss Safa!
5:17 PM
Maybe Safa will be a conduit to have her special someone revert to Islam - would that not be wonderful. I agree that Allah/God or whatever we choose to call him wants us to be happy - not at the expense of our faith/deen - but I no way believe that he wants us to be miserable in our faith - especially when what is making is unhappy is not truly 'faith'. I do not believe that God would have us stay in a marriage where our partner is treating us unfairly, not treating us how God expects our partner to treat us. God alone knows what is in our hearts - I do not believe the outer coverings are what matters to God - how we conduct our lives in private is much more important than how our lives look to outsiders. I believe that Safa is living her faith to the best of her abilities - and that is what truly counts. Not one of us is perfect - no matter what we like to portray to others - we all have struggles and questions - and we were given brains to use - and what decisions we make are frequently a cause of our experiences and that little still small voice that whispers to us. Stay close to Allah - I know you will - and all will become clear in the passing of time.
10:20 PM
Egianqueen, I like that. Well said. :) Seems like you are a good friend to her. I agree with you. And it's true, the man she is getting to know may come to Islam, inshaAllah. As we all know, many of us who converted didn't always come through the most sanctioned means - but we did come, and believe, and begin anew from there after learning the truth, and that's what's important.
Hm, I hate to disrupt that current peaceful state, but there are a couple questions raised to mind by "Was There" that I wanted to address.
So, Was There. Hi. Respectfully, I want to ask, what do you perceive as self-righteous about speaking out for the truth, for the deen, and speaking out against what is not part of the deen?
For myself, only one or two fellow readers (as far as I'm aware) have any clue whatsoever about who I am, existing on this planet. I haven't the slightest need to prove anything to anyone, or to be someone I'm not, or to improve my imagined status in this invisible online world.
So how is it self-righteous to suggest that we should all pursue what our deen teaches us to pursue? Would you have said that to any of the prophets (peace be upon them), speaking to people about Islam?
And no, of course I'm not in any way comparing myself or any of us who are speaking on the side of practicing our deen to the prophets, peace and blessings be upon them. It should go without saying, but to be clear, obviously we are all far, far from their imaan and taqwa. So don't you worry - as I've said, I'm not speaking for the side of Islam because I am without sin. All of us have plenty of it. It is our job though, to try and resist it, and remind those who may have forgotten which things are not part of the deen, or are better not practiced, or that there is hope in troubled times.
I want to ask you, Was There, what exactly are you arguing? That we should all do whatever we feel like because it makes us happy? If Islam is submission, in that case, to whom are you submitting?
Why are you arguing with the people who have written in, caring about what happens to Safa, to her children, to our sisterhood in Islam, to our ummah when all of us could just have remained silent? Would that have been better?
Why are you arguing? Who are you arguing against? Are we not (mostly) muslims here? We're on the same side. We should be supporting each other and fighting for the truth, fighting for each other coming out on top in the end, fighting for the knowledge and preservation of our deen - the blessed and amazing truth from Allah, and fighting for the lights that are our souls - not fighting amongst each other.
Peace.
(And for those of you who who do not describe yourselves as muslims and yet believe in One God, well, maybe you are! :) InshaAllah. May Allah guide those who love Him.)
Again, Peace. Salaamu alaikum.
11:14 PM
I am a former Muslim, but when I found her blog, there was no sense of what she is doing through now. I just felt she was a beautiful person, and she accepted me, even though many Muslims aren't accepting of former Muslims.
Was there, I really appreciate points of view such as yours. Safa DOES look happy now. If this makes her happy, then so be it, even if others don't agree with it. She was miserable before. Whether she stays Muslim or not, I'd like to see her happy. Should she stay Muslim if it would keep her miserable and under a man's thumb? I'm not saying staying Muslim would make her miserable. Just my 2 cents.
Hugs to you Safa!
Anisah
11:33 AM
I also wanted to voice my agreement with UmmYehiya, UmmLayla, and Swimmyfish. they said it so eloquently that I don't have anything else to add. I can understand wanting to experience happiness that you never had before and in a way you never had before. Don't we all want a man who sweeps us off our feet and treat us like the princesses that we are? But I don't think it's worth more than our chance at eternal happiness in the next world.
anyway, i don't want to repeat everything.
oh and i also liked what egianqueen said too. nicely put.
may Allah grant you the best and purest happiness in this world and the next, Safa. Ameen.
9:59 PM
Looks like you had an awesome day as a family! I think that's wonderful and you seem so very happy!
11:19 PM
If I didn`t know better I would have thought Sharon had taken up a job as a poledancer, gotten together with the owner of the bar who constantly poured her champagne whilst she is swinging on the scene in red hotpants and an egyptian bellydancing-bra.
Strange to see ladies so threatened by very human steps. To fit into new life and society, find a down to earth guy, calm and family loving, doting on his gal. Things people do every day. So happy that this is finally happening for Sharon after some years of nightmare.
Does it make you question your choices?
2:27 AM
I sometimes like to watch from the sidelines and just see how double standardy ppl are.
When Safa is doing something they(the non muslims or people with progressive "islamic" opinions) don't like they are loud and clear about their opinions and that's 'OK' cuz they 'care'.
But if someone who is a practicing Muslim comes on and gives THEIR two cents and give advice (based on the islamic faith not opinion), then all of a sudden, they are 'self righteous'.
I'm sorry but thats either BS or just plain funny :-)I think i'm going to choose to be amused :-)
Nobody went through more tests than the Prophets. The purpose of life is to worship Allah. And if you fear Allah, Allah makes a way out for you.
Those are facts if one believes in the Quran.
Now back to reality.
Safa is going through a lot and this is clearly another test. some of us are tested and its clear. and some of us are tested and we don't even know. Like subhanallah, for those of us who are in prosperity, do we REALIZE thats a BIGGER test???
4:47 AM
Uh, first of all, didn`t Sharon convert at the age of 19. Don`t you think she knows this khutbah you are giving by heart?
I presume she knows her religion well...
I have no doubts that you care, I am just confused about what.
Testing. I have to take issue with this. What kind of, I mean, for what purpose, oppression, forced into polygony, a sole mother in a foreign land, inlaws, physical and verbal abuse, flight, fight for new footing, not a penny from the father and now love and happiness is a test?
I really don`t get this allah, he seems so petty to me...
One should think the almighty has better business then to mess around with a lady like Sharon...
9:34 AM
Tell ya worried ladies something. Your sister PM is being threatened to silence by terrorists. Why don`t you go out there and condemn those who threaten her!
A much better cause then sitting here lecturing a grown woman on her own beliefs. Someone has misunderstood islam and is using terror against a sister of yours.
Thats a bigger issue, take it!
9:50 AM
Kafira, I'm not sure why you are so threatened and angry by other commentor's personal views and why you feel like you must dissect their intentions and attack others.
I guess you obviously operate under a very diferent ethical and belief system.
As for PM, I'm very sorry for any problems she might be going through but I was never her regular reader. I'm sure if she's got one reader like you, no one else is needed to defend her :-)
12:21 PM
Kafira, by the way, i'd like to ask a retorical question?
You must be super obsessed with islam to actually go around w/ the title of 'kafir'. Isn't it better to be consumed with love and mercy than hatred?
Why live life in such a bitter way?
12:25 PM
I don't know you burgundy but I like you.
"I'm sure if she's got one reader like you, no one else is needed to defend her :-)"
I am still smiling after reading that.
1:58 PM
Salam all -
I'd like to thank everybody who is contributing such thoughtful and interesting posts, and Safa for generously providing the space for a very challenging conversation - that is still managing (i do hope you think so, Safa) to stay overall respectful and supportive.
I just wanted to make a small point - some of the sisters keep mentioning along the lines of "Should Safa stay Muslim if it would keep her miserable and under a man's thumb?"
Not sure where that came from. It's a false dichotomy.
If any man makes his wife miserable and is keeping her under his thumb, he is a bad Muslim, and a jerk!
- - -
"And among His signs is this: that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Undoubtedly in these are signs for those who reflect." [Quran 30:21]
the Rasul-Allah upon whom be peace, reported by At-Tirmidhi, said:
"The best of you is the one who is the best to his family (ie wife), and I am the best of you toward my family."
Sarah
11:00 PM
Yupp Ms. Burgundy, I spend some time on islam. The explanation for my proudness of Kafira is on my blog. You interpret Kafira to be hatred. Please alaborate.
To me, to be a Kafira, is to be free and speak of freedom.
Why you think I feel threatened I don`t understand, well, yes I actually do, you need to attack me instead of thinking of my question.
I questioned women who lecture a mature woman and their reasons for such.
What threat do you think your khutbas move in me?
I discuss islam as it is a hot topic in my country and my knowledge and deep curiosity has come in handy both there and in Sweden. Islam is politics and society, I am active in both, with my knowledge.
Your comment on PM`s situation through me I find just to be downright insulting towards PM as her life might be in danger. From muslims.
Of this kind of behavior I have told my countrymen about for years, and now they have seen it, in our own land too, our freedom to express is threatened by islam.
This is the way I can help the PM`s of the world.
Educate with what I know of islamic theology and psycology and refuse to be terrorised to silence, to toot and honk for women and men like her.
You women could stand by her as her sisters, get politically active and tell people on boards all over that this is not islam.
I know better though, that was also retorical.
She refused me as Kafira, now she is labeled a dirty kaffir.
Probably why you assosiate Kafir with hatred, because when spoken from a muslims mouth, it rings with it, najis, bad bad kaffirs, whoremongers, blasphemers, worse then animals. Oh yeah, I am there too you see, on these boards, I have had it spat in my face.
Niggah! Well, I take that word from you as a word of hatred, to me it`s a badge of honour.
I learn as I read and this discussion made me reopen the thoughts of Pierre Bourdieu, a french sociologist, in my mind.
For this I thank you ladies, you are true bearer to his theory, your habitus and field is threatened through Sharon and you are in this thread using what he calls symbolic violence to stop her from doing that.
You are but a step away from doing what PM is experiencing. Her writings is threatening to the Habitus and Field of islam, soft violence has been used against her, when that didn`t stop her, more spurred her on, physical violence occurs.
As always, interesting to meet up with ya ladies.
Have a lovely spring day!
3:04 AM
Ok WHERE are you going with this Kafira?.................
I am totally not following you.
I don't have the faintest idea what you're talking about re PM...? Is in danger? Her writings? Habitus and Field? Sorry, no clue.
As far as words (or actions) being threatening to us, Islam is no theoretical monolith, no brittle institution to be shaken by someone who disagrees with its tenets.
Disagree - sure, debate - go right ahead. Even as vitriolically as you are doing. But surely you can do better than calling us terrorists... Can we have enough respect for each other to refrain from scorn and namecalling?
As far as the symbolic violence or soft violence/now physical violence you say "we" are perpetrating - - - what?? I'm not sure I want to know what kind of bogeymen you think we are here!...
Listen, if you saw your friend doing something that you felt wasn't good for her - wouldn't the bonds of friendship and plain human decency require you to tell her so? Didn't you in fact do so when Safa was living in an abusive marriage?
And rightly so - as we all did - support her in doing the right thing and getting herself and kids safe.
Nobody is taking any hostages Kafira, or making any threats.
Safa is a grown woman and free to disagree and free to tell us why!
10:30 AM
-Kafira, the fact that you define yourself in opposition to an idea, that apparently your whole being is
identified by that(at least online)
is kind of well strange. That's my personal opinion. I'd rather be known for what I love
and what my hobbies are, that type of thing. Anyhow, to each their own :0)
Why you think I feel threatened I don`t understand, well,
yes I actually do, you need to attack me instead of thinking of my question.
-kafira, would you care to quote where I 'attacked' you? I really would like to just read it. Please quote my words.
I questioned women who lecture a mature woman and their reasons for such. What threat do you think your khutbas move in me?
-I'm not sure what threat you feel from other online users expressing their opinions? Why don't you share that with us?
Your comment on PM`s situation through me I find just to be downright insulting towards PM as her life might be in danger.
From muslims. Of this kind of behavior I have told my countrymen about for years, and now they have seen it, in our own land too, our
freedom to express is threatened by islam. This is the way I can help the PM`s of the world.
Educate with what I know of islamic theology and psycology and refuse to be terrorised to silence, to toot and honk for women and men like her.
-Kafira, who is trying to silence you on Safa's blog? The only thing I can tell so far is that YOU are not too happy with us muslims saying our two cents :-)
Do you have a problem with free speech?
You women could stand by her as her sisters, get politically active and tell people on boards all over that this is not islam.
-Thanks for the advice. Is there anything that might make you think the case is otherwise?
I know better though, that was also retorical.
She refused me as Kafira, now she is labeled a dirty kaffir.
Probably why you assosiate Kafir with hatred, because when spoken from a muslims mouth, it rings with it, najis, bad bad kaffirs,
whoremongers, blasphemers, worse then animals. Oh yeah, I am there too you see, on these boards, I have had it spat in my face.
Niggah! Well, I take that word from you as a word of hatred, to me it`s a badge of honour.
-Sorry I really can't relate to your views :-) Alhamdulilah.
I learn as I read and this discussion made me reopen the thoughts of Pierre Bourdieu, a french sociologist, in my mind.
For this I thank you ladies, you are true bearer to his theory, your habitus and field is threatened through Sharon
and you are in this thread using what he calls symbolic violence to stop her from doing that.
-Kafira, againt why the hate on free speech? To be honest with you, i find it REALLY FORWARD that someone would call me expressing
my views as 'symbolic violence'.
-Kafira, Would you like to silence everyone who doesn't agree with u?
You are but a step away from doing what PM is experiencing. Her writings is threatening to the Habitus and Field of islam,
soft violence has been used against her, when that didn`t stop her, more spurred her on, physical violence occurs.
-kafira, the KKK would like us all to shut up too. Should I assume yur but a step away from doing what they do :-)?
-So basically according to you, anyone who voices their opinion is using soft violence? Do I understand that correctly?
12:38 PM
I am a muslim. Married to a muslim. If my husband was not a muslim, i would have married him anyway.
My father is a muslim married to a christian woman. Before this marriage, he was married to 2 other catholic women, one of them is my mother.
My paternal grandfather was Syrian and a muslim. He was married to my grandmother, a Spanish catholic woman, for 60+ years. She was never forced to convert. We had Ramadan and Christmas. My Grandmother even had her little shrine with saints and candles at home.And she fasted with everyone else during Ramadan. She still does, even though my grandfather passed away almost 10 yrs ago.
From an early age, i was taught that a person's faith is entirely her own business. Only God can pass judgement concerning an individual's faith.
I was never told i had to hide my hair ( other than while praying), until I set foot in a mosque.
There are five pillars to Islam and a headscarf is not one of them.
Don't get me wrong, the fact that i personally don't wear one does not mean i am against it. I defend a woman's right to wear a headscarf as much as i defend a woman's right to wear boots or a hat or whatever she wants.
(It is hilarious how some people like to think one can measure a woman's faith by the amount of fabric she wears. )
Would you be all cheering Safa if the man she is dating had a beard, wore a thobe and sandals, had a dark spot on his forehead ....wait a minute, there would be no dating a man like that. There would be no pictures even. No chocolate messages. No smile. No sparkle in the eyes.
I guess for some of you that would be a relief, as you would not have ONE MORE REASON to question your own religious practice.
When was the last time you felt the wind on your hair? When was the last time you felt the sun drying salt on your skin after a dip in the ocean? When was the last time you rode a bicycle? When was the last time you went to a music concert?
When was the last time you taught an illiterate adult how to read?
When was the last time you checked on your halal butcher to see if he was being halal to the animals BEFORE slaughtering them?
When was the last time you studied the Quran alone, without a single ahadith citation?
When was the last time you switched off the tv when a telepreacher was talking?
9:36 PM
Wow! It looks like everyone is writing a POST here, rather than just a comment so allow me to add mine.
I too have thought about Safa's situation for a lonnnnng time. And I am really glad I didnt comment until now because maybe I didnt see the whole picture before, or maybe I didnt experience enough in life to "never say never".
I've been a Muslim for 30 years and if it werent for the fact that I was guided to it so miraculously by Allah alone, I would have left it long ago. As we like to say, "Islam is perfect...Muslims are not!"
Muslims have a way of driving converts out of Islam. Muslim converts themselves are often the first path that drive other converts away because of their self-righteousness. I am warning you ladies who think your own poop doesnt stink to remember my words when you face your own crises of faith. NEVER SAY NEVER!
And since some of you are think you are so well versed in the deen (yeah I can spit out what I memorized too), surely you know that the worst person in the site of Allah is a hypocrite. So if you gals arent all that in your deen, then you best stop giving Safa advice and spend more time on your own faith.
In fact it's more than an issue of being self-righteous. It's this attitude that there's only one way to live as a Muslim. That hijab and having a Muslim husband are the most important part of your deen. Oh ladies...how little you know about your faith. Do you know your prayer is more important than anything else in the deen? How many of you spend hour after hour on the net, and type ad nauseum until you've missed the prayer time? How many of you cover your faces with a stupid black rag, yet fail to make all the fard and sunnah prayers? I cant even imagine the numbers, but I know the hypocrisy well. Do any of you know if Safa has abandoned prayer? If she has not, then perhaps it will be her prayer that will earn her the forgivness for removing the hijab and dating a non-Muslim man--if even she will be judged for that because ONLY ALLAH KNOWS. Ladies, get off the net, stop lecturing a happy woman who NEVER said she left Islam and tend to your own families. Clean your stanky houses, stop arguing with your co-wives, change your babies' dirty diapers and cook a decent meal for your families instead of waiting for the husband to bring you halal Chinese take-out. I am absolutely certain you are neglecting your duties to your own faith, husbands and children, because I have seen your like come and go over the years.
If I was married to a man like Safa's former husband, I would be doing worse right now than having a non-muslim man in my life and not wearing a scarf. I know you'll want to respond by saying we cant judge the deen by a bad Muslim. Well ladies, we dont live in a vacuum, and with the number of bad apples out there, there comes a point where you have to think--wow--what's wrong with this picture? I mean we see Muslim men worse than the worst "kuffar". Muslim men do EVERYTHING the "kafr" men do...they cheat on their wives, steal, do drugs, rape, commit murder, have sex with children (and some with animals--haha). Wake up and take a good hard look at the world. Or better yet make your "hijra" (lolol) to a "Muslim country" and see how little Islam means there!
Does one declaring himself a Muslims mean he is better than the rest when he acts the same way??? NO! Where do some of you get off thinking the worst Muslim is better than the best Kaffir??? (I have heard this statement so many time!) Are you serious??? Because supposedly a Muslim will eventually get out of hell for his sins and a kaffir wont? Even a day in hell is one day too long. Get freakin' real. Get off the net and "go to the rug" as you like to say. You'll be better off in the long run.
Safa my dear, only you can live your life. I have faith in your faith in Allah. Dont let anyone fool you into thinking you left your faith! Be happy. Feel love. Feel support. Enjoy what it's like to have a REAL man beside you for a change. And let him see you make your prayer. I love you girl.
And my last thought is...Kafira is but a throbbing boil on the ass of Shaytan. She was jilted by her Muslim boyfriend and so has dedicated her life to Islam in a roundabout sort of way. She's probably bringing more people to Allah than she knows, so we should thank her for that but geez, sour grapes does get tiresome after awhile. But truly we need to feel sorry for her. Her Muslim boyfriend must have been a real great guy if she's still angry after all these years. Score 1 for the Muslims.
12:14 AM
I cover my face with a 'stupid black rag' and am quite frankly offended that another Muslim woman would use those words to define something worn by the wives of the Prophet (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam)!
May Allaah guide us all to that which is most pleasing to Him, that which is beneficial to us in this life and the hereafter, and may He shade us on that day where there shall be no shade but His, the day that shall turn the babies' hair grey, Aameen!
3:56 AM
okay.......
in other news:
http://cuteoverload.com/category/bunnies/
11:50 AM
Oh my.... I feel like an accidental Pandora. I will answer better in my own time, but what was truely disgusting was the outburst of Simply Eva whom I had a completely different first impression of. I forget to never trust that.
Your writing is some of the most nasty stuff I have read on net and I sit left with the feeling that you have a big boil on your a**.
I will simply take issue with my ex muslim bf, the one who led me to examin islam and reject him as it clearly states in the quran, he can not marry a kafira. Yes, he was and is fabulous. He is still my dear friend, the first person I ever chatted with on the internet. I left him and and he still loves me. He truely is a wonderful man who was forced into marriage pakistani style.
He lives for his beautiful daughters, the first one named after me. I watch them grow up and encourage him and help him build a loving relationship with his wife and to stop his idolising of me, as I am a person of many flaws, but such lowliness that you have attributed me with, of that I do take issue.
I left him for two reasons. Firstly, because the quran was clear to me and I took it seriously, he refused to see it, flatly out written as it is. He wanted to overlook this, shun it. I was not.
After two years he declared himself an apostate but by that time it was too late. I was not willing to risk my life and future for that, too much time had lapsed and I would not risk a relapse as I could not see him taking islam as seriously as me.
So you are sorely mistaken Eva.
But Brava! What a spectacular outburst of soft violence.
Very interesting.
A good night "ladies" :-)
Alexandra
1:45 PM
I like what u said Lufarah and the way u said it...loved it
Ruhguzar-
6:58 PM
Just my 2 cents. I have known Sharon(Safa) for many years now and I love her like my own sister. She has helped me through SOOOO many rough times which now I look back at and they seem fleeting. But each time I called her freaking out about something she always had a way of calming me and helping me through it. Most of the time she was suffering something much worse than I but she never let on she just helped me through it. She is one of the most wonderful women I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. Recently she has taken some drastic steps in her life...some I agree with some I don't but guess what? Its not my journey and it is not for me to judge her. I have seen her deen...the strength she has in her deen, the strength she has in herself, just becasue she has chosen to live her life to the fullest does not mean her heart is not in Islam. Insha'Allah this man will come to Islam...but if he doesn't at least he will still get to see the beauty of Islam through her. Most of you sit here and judge her decisions based soley on what you have read on her blog...but you have not seen her...you don't really know her...So as much as you guys want to help in the name of Islam just know that it is up to Allah. It is nice that you care enough to try and help guide her to what you believe is the right way. My suggestion to everyone including myself is that we as muslims work on our Islam before we move to point our fingers at what we believe to be someone elses shortcomings. Remember that you only see the side of her on this blog...you do not see her pray, make Dua', read the Qur'an.....Point it just leave it to Allah....He is the best of planners.
PS I love you....You know that right?
1:53 AM
Burgundy,
Whether you read my blog or not, it does seem a decent Muslimah would be concerned about the Muslim Mafia trying to threaten and shut down one of your sister. Your big heart impresses me.
As for Safa, I believe there is nothing wrong with expressing your opinions -- especially when it is offered with kindness and concern. What always surprises me, though, is how unsubtle the manipulation can be between so-called sisters.
Salaam Alaikum,
PM
2:16 PM
Wow Safa, those are some well done pictures.
He does have a lot of kindness in his eyes. He looks liek a very decent man who has the ability to give a lot.
Lol would be fasinating to knwo how ya'll met.
I'm gonna be with Umm Yehiya and say we must always pray to Allah to better ourselves.
But I see the good in what other wrote as well.
I personally would not have done what you did Safa in removing Hijab and dating a non-muslim but you are my friend online and I support you in your life no matter where your life goes.
I want you to be happy for the sake of Allah. No one but Allah knows where your life will go. As one said, perhaps someday he will take Shahada. Perhaps your daughters will return to hijab. Then again perhaps not. But that is your lives. Yes we all have enough to struggle with in our own lives to bicker back and forth online. I am here just to see how Safa is and what is new in her life and to give her my kind words and a warm hug.
*Hugs*
1:03 AM
UAR....you always make me cry....love you too, baby....
8:05 AM
I completely noticed the frames look almost identical! Very easy to mix them up if you both took them off at the same time! Love to you. :o)
7:09 PM
Were you refering to me? Cuz if you were you are missing the hyphen, Tonto......LOL.....
9:58 AM
UA-R is my favourite cheese gritty sort of friend.....monkey butt!
11:25 AM
Wow...the comments section warrants a big cup of tea and some chocolate just to get through it. Saf, you know I don't come from this at a religious angle. I'm sure that if one adheres to the conventionally agreed upon parameters of Islam that there are many transgressions here. However, I'm not concerned about those. Good mothering, solid providing, a healthy emotional state, a kind and loving human being who gives to those who have less and strives to be ethical,moral, and kind....in my eyes these are essential qualities. As far as I can tell, none of that has changed (well, save the healthy emotional state which has only improved). Over these past few years I've come to know you as a kind and giving soul. There are so few people we come across in our lives that exude such goodness. Keep on, keepin' on.
I would echo the advice about taking a new relationship in a cautiously optimistic manner. I guess we'd all be a bit emotionally fragile after what you've been through with the ex. Baby steps, saf. Baby steps. :)
6:46 AM
Man! I've been gone too long. Of course, I feel saddened but not shocked. I mean, I think most of us who've been on this blogger journey with Safa must have seen this coming years ago. No doubt, Safa stayed way too long with ex-hubby when he himself was trangressing Allah. Why? Love of course I'm certain. But thats just it, as Muslima we are never told to love someone before Allah. Especially when those lousy Muslim husband cheat, lie, and chase after every Muslim in and out of hijabs. Its disgusting. Im so sorry that the ex drained you Safa. Im so sorry that the ex drained and hurt your babies. Im so sorry that this Ummah did not rise up and protect you and your children. But the fact of the matter is that you are still my elder in Islam and I luv you girl. You banked so many blessings and no one can ever take that from you. This is the qadr of Allah, Allah knew you'd be here....weak in Faith, bruised heart. And whomever Allah guides none can mislead and whomever Allah allows to be lead astray none can lead to the path of righteousness.
This is your journey, but remember that your Creator is always with you. Enshallah I pray for your success in this life and the hereafter! Luv
10:59 AM
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