She's on a rampage....
My mother.
She absolutely refuses to move with us to a house with a basement. I haven't found anything yet...but I've put it forward.
Last night was unreal. I had a huge headache. Mom sent down some pills and told my brother to tell me to take them. He told me that Mom said it would help. As he left the room, I heard Mom say..."Did you watch her take them?" Strange......
And that's all I remember....I slept from 6:30 pm until 8 am this morning. I must have woken during brief periods and could hear yelling....but couldn't pull myself out of the sleep....
(asked her this morning and she told me that she gave me 5 sleeping pills...WHOA!~! I've never taken one before, never mind 5!)
And then finally, I woke this morning. Mom went on a rampage last night. She yelled at everyone, calling the kids sneaky, saying no one listens to her....she got into a huge yelling match with the 13 yr old.... And my daughter would not back down. She yelled back at her..."leave my sisters alone!!!"
The 13 yr old told me her version...Mom told me hers. I see Mom's lies.....and I know that she didn't buy any dope this week.......hence the temper....
I told my mom calmly.....its not going to work.....we need our space. The kids and I are going to go it alone now.....
AND she lost it...!!!!
She's packing up things now as I type this. Stomping around the house. She's emptied the kitchen of HER things, she's pulled up the rugs, and she took the key to the van off my keychain.....
She also yelled at me..."no wonder why your husband left you for someone else..."
*ouch
I told her to stop saying mean things.....and that she's digging her own hole....
Stomp stomp stomp.
She says she may be gone by tonight.
and I'm feeling quite resigned about it. She is an adult. I cannot control her reaction to me wanting to move out. I cannot control the way she is now stomping around. She told me that no one respects her words.....and I just can't agree with her.
She told the 5 yr old not to call her Gramma.
Sometimes Allah makes the decisions for you, you know? My 13 yr old came to me and apologized for yelling back at her grandmother....apologized for causing trouble...apologized for the way she is. And those words killed me more than anything....I told her...I LOVE YOU , the way you are.
The oldest is crying. I heard her mutter under her breath..."no wonder he left you....." Oh these words hurt her too....
And so.....I wait it out.....maybe as of tonight, we'll be on our own....who knows? I'm getting the kids dressed now....going over to our one friends house.....leaving Mom alone to do what she will......
I may not post again too soon.....
posted by Safa at 8:34 AM
10 Comments:
Oh this is heart breaking. Not the part of her moving out but what she had the nerve to say.
"no wonder why your husband left you for someone else..."
"not to call her Gramma"
How can anyone tell a 5 year old that?
my prayers are with you dear safa.
10:30 AM
I think your mom is going through some major withdraw from the drugs. And giving you sleeping pills and asking your brother if he saw you take them? Something smells fishy here...Did you ask her why she gave them to you instead of asprin? Why in the world would she do something like this?
I am sorry you will be without a car. Didn't you both buy it together? I can't remember...
Those words, "no wonder why your husband left you for someone else..." and "not to call her Gramma" she is saying it to hurt you because she got caught and has to follow the rules now. You don't need her if she says these things. Yes, she is your mom, but it is disrespectful nonetheless. It's her decision. If she goes, then she goes. But don't go after her. She needs to do this alone. You need to make sure your kids are safe.
How about your brother? Is he going to stay with you?
I am so sorry that you are going through so much. I think about you so much and I hope things will get better soon.
Love and Hugs!!!
11:33 AM
Keep your head up, girl! I agree with you..Gd makes the decisions for us that we can't make for ourselves...I am proud of you for doing what you need to do!
2:37 PM
That was really messed up what she did putting you to sleep to attack the kids. Obviously she needs some real help with her drug problem. You should probly have a family meeting withteh kids to let them know G-ma is "sick" and will say things that will hurt from time to time. If you havn't talked to them about drugs and such yet I'd use the "sick" routine. Let them know what she says hurts you too but you are just letting it roll off your back like a duck.
Try to get your car key back!!! Preferbly when SHEs sleeping.
Kids remeber this kinda stuff for a long long time so it's imporant to give them a good memory right away like a good healthy family talk or an outing that will pre-occupy their minds. Insha'Allah you're doing waht you can to keep your faimly together. I'm sure sometimes it looks like walking away from your ex is the easy part compared to waht Allah gives us int eh future.
It's cuts so deep but try to sit back and look at things objectivly. That will help you plan things even when it hurts.
Unless you can't afford the house you live in now I'd reccommend you stay in it with your mom while she recieve counceling because it could further trauma her (as you can see) to think of leaving the safety and security of her home. If she's being so mental to the kids though then you gotta think of their safety first and see if there are programs like live in rehab she can be in for a few weeks. Til she gets over the worst of ther addictions.
I'm thinking of you. XOXOX
3:19 PM
I took the kids and we walked to the egyptian family that I know.....spent the afternoon there.....
Mom threw all my clean clothes from the dryer on top of the dirty ones....packed up more of the kitchen......blah blah blah....
She's taking the van. She put in more money for it....and it's in her name.....
Sigh.
3:40 PM
Oh Safa! I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through all this. You've been such a strong person through all the trials. Stay strong now. Perhaps in time she'll realize the error of her ways, or she may not. It really stinks that addictions can do this to the people we love. I agree with American Muslima that it would be good to have a talk with the kids, perhaps the older ones you can be more specific about the dangers of drug use and more on the lines of "she's sick" with the younger ones. I'll be saying prayers for you and sending cyber hugs to you!!
6:44 PM
Safa - keep the faith - keep strong - you were blessed to have a year with assistance and now it is time for you to stand on your own - and I know you can do it. Your kids need to know what is up with your mom - so that they can have some perspective to the abuse she is spewing. Really bites about the car - as you truly 'need' it more than she does as you have the children. But public transportation is available. Wish there was more I could do for you - besides keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Maybe I should think about relocating to Mississauga - instead of Calgary - wink, wink. Take care of yourself - I would not be taking another pill from her - that was a very foolish thing for her to do - very dangerous. Love ya.
4:46 AM
She hid the remotes for the TV....I figured my brother had them...and I went and asked for it.....he just looked at me blankly. Then I asked him...are you upset with me? If you aren't...then give those remotes back to Mom, you have nothing to do with our problems. He went to his room, knocked on Mom's door and miracuously, mom found the remotes. (rolling my eyes)
Stupid behaviour.
Came back from outside, found more of my clean clothes on top of the laundry....unreal.
She told my oldest last night that if I find a place with a one bedroom basement, she'll still come with us....and I'm like OOOOH NOOOO she ain't!
I think that tempers increase....so if I think this time is bad, next time will be worse.....
Having a hard time handling my nerves.....
4:52 AM
Wow! I'm sorry she's doing this. Stay strong, you've been through a lot!
11:01 AM
safa this situation is even worse than the one with your ex!! she is your mother but youre not responsible for her actions or her behaviour. she is an adult though an addict. you however are responsible for the wellbeing of your family. dont subject your children to this atmosphere. god i just cringe to think of the discomfort in that home right now. it reminds me of the day my ex was on a rampage the day he was leaving..cursing stomping and yelling in front of everyone including my elderly mother.
but i have to question why you would take pills that you dont even know what they may be....perhaps its just the nurse in me. but that miffs me...especially from you mom at this time. and FIVE? alhamdulillah youre still living and breathing to tell the story.
go out on your own safa...you got away from egypt with the help of Allah, you can make it on your own dearest sister. we all know what strength and resolve you have.
go for it!
jana
6:12 PM
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