accepting solutions.....
We did all the moving on the Saturday. Bringing things up the stairs, down the stairs. So much work.....and the promise of freedom at the end. Such hard work.
Mom's anger fizzled as she worked........she talked about having some private time, she talked about eating pork.......great. I'm happy for her.
I carry such bitterness tho.......she turned this house upside down at her whim. She hurt my childrens feelings and she even hurt mine. I stood my ground beside them.....and she had to accept my solutions. It's a positive step, even if it was made hastily. Funny that just two short months ago I proposed this as well.
I'm being firm in keeping things seperate....I want us to have our own space and will not be willing to entwine our lives again. I've advised the owner that we'll be staying till July 1st. Afterwards I think the girls and I will move out on our own. It promises to be good, insha Allah. There is a little bit of bewilderment going around in my head. I realized suddenly how much I depended on Mom.....so here I am finishing this transition of "being in Canada".....to now being the new independant me. It's sort of scary.
And again, here I am trying to create a home for the kids.....Mom took just about everything with her. Rugs, vacuum, kitchen things....etc etc. Heck, she even took the diningroom table. So I've been looking on craigslist, Goodwill......wondering how to put things back together......
My thoughts are jumbled lately.....if this post doesn't make it clear enough.....my mind is racing from here to there and from there to here....trying to figure out things.
I miss the summer.
(I'll be back later when I can write three sentences that make sense..)
posted by Safa at 5:42 AM
5 Comments:
You are making sense! This was a huge move for you and it will be okay. You are such a strong person and I know you will find a way to make it all work!
6:26 AM
Check out your local "Freecycle" group. They're often a yahoo group, and I've given away LOADS of things on the Seattle one in the past.
As for this transition: Everything happens as it should. Your mother was there to soften the landing in Canada. Good things came from it, Safa, but for now it's not working. I think you might have a shot at a healthy relationship with her once again, but clearly living together doesn't work.
If need anything, let me know. :) One more step towards he emancipation of Safa. I'm proud of you.
11:27 PM
Wow Safa I truly feel for you becuz I know what u r going through. Been there myself--more than once--having to be responsible 100% for my kids. I had no help from my Mom--not even for a minute. Was totally on my own. It's really scary but somehow you get through it--Allah is so merciful. When I look back on those days they seem like a blur.
Had to go out to work, keep a roof over their heads and food on the table. Cook, laundry, shopping, etc. We managed by the grace of Allah to be one hand. We--me and the kids--just kept getting closer and closer. I actually now miss those days sooo much. As hard as they were, and though so many times I felt like I couldnt do it another day, I did. Now I wish I was back there, in a strange way. I just missed the closeness and all of us working with the same goals in mind. And all of us together. Truly, for me, they were the good old days, as tough as they were.
Insha Allah you will look back and enjoy them one day too. As much as you wish you were past the difficulties--when you are smack in the middle of them, it ends up sometimes you wish you could go back, like I do now. When you look back on it later, from a place of relative comfort and ease, you tend to miss the striving and hard work--and definitely the togetherness. I hope everything works out wonderfully for you. Love ya lots!
12:13 AM
Woo hoo - Safa is one step closer to being her own person - she will be awesome at it. I know it is a lot of responsibility - but you are up for it. Keep your eye on the goal and step by step you will get there. Who needs a dining room table anyhow - sit around on the floor like a good Egyptian - LOL. What she took were things - what you have gained is peace of mind - much more important than things. Things can be replaced - albeit slowly - peace of mind is irreplaceable. I am so glad to hear that you haev made the 'split' even though I know it is very painful and left you in a bind - but you will overcome these minor obstacles and you and your children will be much better off. What is up with your brother??
Hugs - love ya lots.
6:28 AM
I think this is the best thing that could have happened to you. You need this split...a real test to being on your own...to have things the way YOU want them...to not have all the drama and the negativity in your home. Don't worry about her taking everything. You have your kids, a roof over you...you will get those back in time. Freecycle, Craigslist are a couple of places to go. Also Goodwill, Salvation Army, and if you can get in contact with any churches that help out, that would be great as well. Plus online local newspapers will have things as well.
I hope you and the kids are doing well. If you ever need to talk, just email me and I'll call you :)
Love and Hugs!
8:48 AM
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