Today...
Alhamdulillah.
I should always remember to say that. I remember now.
Alhamdulillah.
I've found a place to live. It's a 3 bedroom basement apt owned by muslims. I will go give a deposit today. Sigh. And I believe I've found a vehicle as well......so things have started to look up. In fact....I'm actually able to sleep. Last night I slept fitfully.....alhamdulillah.
I'm keeping busy with lawyers, islamic organizations and phone calls. And in some ways, making good ground.....and in other ways.....at a standstill. SubhanAllah!
The old friends contact me daily. They want me to go back to the hubbex. Have I told you the new deal? Are you paying attention????
The Hubbex wants to meet with me.....and talk. After we "talk" he will go with his brother and start up some paperwork saying that he is going to divorce # 2. Then he will look for a place for us to live.......and we will move in together.....but he won't "pronounce" divorce on # 2.....but they will be kinda divorced cuz he won't have nothing to do with her anymore......when we agree to move to Egypt, he will pronounce divorce on # 2 as we leave.
DID U GET THAT????? And people are trying to encourage me to meet with him to see what he has to say.....OMG....
Oh yeah....and the bank account is still empty.......the hubbex has not taken it upon himself to put any money in there.......and neither has he passed along money.......
So what sort of encouragement do I have to meet with the hubbex? What has changed? Has anything changed? He's still married and still desperately trying to control me. But now he's affecting his children in his attempt.
He will not sign custody over to me. So I'm going to continue with proceedings with the lawyer....
~~~~
About the girls......the 15 yr old is handling things quite well....she's concerned about us as a family. She's putting forth effort to help everyone....always looking out for the greater good. (who said Harry Potter doesn't teach you anything???LOLOLOL!!!!)
13 yr old.....not good. I've called about getting family counselling because of her. She's being difficult. Not her usual self. She complains of wanting to settle.....and I agree with her there. But she's also not helping out, and constantly arguing with the others.......often times she goes and sits alone. I'm trying to reach out to her......and I fall short. She was her fathers' favourite......so I can understand the conflict that she's feeling. She's shocked that her father hasn't given us any money.....and finds it confusing. She's trying to divide her feelings on her father and the man he has become........ It's so hard for her......and it makes me cry......
11 yr old.....doing exceptionally well. Although she is complaining of the occassionaly stomach aches....she's getting lots of attention......yesterday she found a free donut coupon from the Roll Up The Rim To Win.......and it made her day....today we go out in search of a donut worthy of her coupon.......LOL!
5 yr old......she got a new haircut yesterday......she has been sick......fever...sore throat.....but chicken soup saved the day.....and the new hairdo raised her spirits.....LOL....she's so cute now....princess material......
10 mos old......masha Allah! He's crawling and biting........just has to nip ur clothes as he crawls by......makes me laugh....sometimes cry....cuz he goes for skin as well......
~~~~~
Me? I'm hanging.....just. And Insha Allah......I'll make it a bit longer. Whatever Allah Wills....I'm accepting......
posted by Safa at 6:04 AM
24 Comments:
Oh safa, your husband is mad. He thinks he is offering you a good deal??? No way, don't go back to him, he won't divorce the other one, and if he is willing to hurt his children to get at you, then is not worth it. It must be difficult for your children, but they know you are trying your best to make things fine for them, children are very clever, even when they seem to be angry at you in their heart they know you are doing good to them. Lots of love!!!
6:54 AM
I am glad things are looking up for you hon! Do you get help with housing there if you have no income? Or are places helping you until the gov't forces your hubbex to give some $? Make sure you have proof of $ there was before in the account, his businesses, etc. Men can really change in an instant.
I'm sorry it's hard on your kids. I've been through my kids getting hurt by their dad too. Nothing you can do to change him. Someday my ex may want a better relationship with them, and they are going to ask him where the hell he was. Reminds me of that old Cat Stevens Song, Cat in the Cradle. The son didn't have time for the father when he was grown up cause the father doens't have time for him when he was young.
Hang in there, we're all so proud of you! I can't believe the cajones on your hubbex. Does he think you did all this just to have him promise to divorce her and everything else will go away?
You deserve to be treated well. My thoughts are with you!
Anisah
7:23 AM
i'm dumbfounded that STBEX actually thinks he's offering you something worth wanting. but i'm angry that so many old friends are actually encouraging you to accept that sort of arrangement. one of the other terrible things about divorce is that friends end up picking a side, and u end up losing some of them along the way as well. but if they don't see that u deserve so much more than this, then they aren't really the types of friends u need right now.
congratulations on finding housing and transportation. i'm so impressed by all that u've done in such a short time. all my prayers are with you and ur family.
mamabear
8:04 AM
STBEX needs to meet my fist. Seriously, he just needs some sense beaten into him. My heart aches for your 13 yr old....inshallah with time she will find her way through this.
Safa, you keep your chin up and just keeping put one foot in front of the other... the rest Allah will guide you..
call me soon, lets catch up!!!!
9:42 AM
Last minute change with the housing....I think I've found something better....and am on my way....RIGHT NOW.....it's a 3 bedroom house....YAY!
9:52 AM
Yay! I hope the house works out for you, insha'Allah. I really don't get what kind of "deal" that is supposed to be from your hubbex. Even if you had an inkling of wanting to go back, what the hell is the "sort of divorce" while we are in Canada, and I'll really divorce her when we are getting on the plane to Egypt? What is that??? If he's going to divorce her, then do it in Canada! But whatever...it doesn't matter cuz you are moving on!
I wanted to ask, have you gotten the girls in school, I hope? How are they doing with that? I also think family counseling would be a great idea. Insha'Allah you can find a Muslim counselor that would be able to understand the whole situation with P and everything.
10:12 AM
Is there anything he can do to make you bo back? Not asking because I think you should. It's just that if you are positive you won't go back better let him know. Then...he can put up or shut up as far as taking care of the kids is concerned.
Still in our duaa dear safa.
11:06 AM
Hey honey I am sorry about the other night. I was really really sick. And it was like 3 am and I had the attention span of a 2 year old....yeah not much...I love you and Insha'Allah I get to catch up with you again. Insha'Allah the house deal works out for you. I was trying to figure out what the whole not announce and then when about to leave announce bull shit was about but then I realized that well, I never understand your husbands logic. But I see him grasping for the control he thought he once had. He is a stupid man......yes I am bashing.
11:15 AM
What the heck kind of a deal is that? He is retarded. No offense to the mentally challlenged and their families. He will never understand what he has done to you and the kids.
He will never understand. Not in this life.
Who needs a man like that?
5:09 PM
I wonder if the old "friends" who are contacting you daily have asked if there's anything you or the children need......food...shelter...anything they might could help you with right now. I doubt it. I know this only adds insult to injury when "friends" act like that.
But yes, Alhamdulillah. God provides. And isn't it so wonderful that on the Day of Judgment that each person will have to individually give an account to God for their actions in this life? There will be no "friends" beside us then, just us and God.
My thoughts and prayers are with you always. May Allah continue to provide every single thing you need, both big and small. Ameen.
Love,
Maggie
6:43 PM
Congratulations on finding accomodation and transportation! May Allaah continue to provide for your family from his riqz, Aameen! As difficult as it might be to swallow now, you'll feel mighty proud of yourself one good day when you look back and realize that you did all of this without any financial aid from your soon to be ex-husband. May Allaah replenish your purse, Aameen!
It's fantastic that you've sought out family counselling for your 13 year old. I pray that it helps her. Hang in there Safa, you're a wonderful mother and are doing an amazing job, baraak Allaahu feeki!
Glad you're able to sleep now. You continue to be in my du'as, inshaaAllaah.
{{{MEGA HUGS}}}
7:39 PM
House confirmed! Allahu akbar! 3 bedroom with a nice backyard, steps to the school, steps to the mall.....Alhamdulillah!
Saffiyah NB.....haha.....no offense from the mentally challenged taken.....(I think I fall in that category....LOLOL)
Maggie....today one of the old friends asked me seriously if I needed anything....and I told her.....we need beds.
9:46 PM
As Salaamu Alaikum Dear Safa:
"Kinda divorced" ??? Now that's a good one, lol.
Safa, the girls will come to understand, in time, and they will admire and respect you for being a strong example for them!
You take care dear and enjoy the new home.
MaSalaama
Safiyyah - Shaalom2Salaam
10:01 PM
Congratulations on the house! It sounds perfect for you and your children.
I'm glad to hear that someone did ask if you needed anything. I hope she comes through for you with the beds. I'm sure you are going to need everything to, as we say here in the south, "set up housekeeping". I look around my house here and see so many good things I could give you to help you get started, if only there wasn't so much distance between us.
It's a whole new life for you now and you are dealing with everything sooooo well. Hang in there. Once you get in your new home, everything will come together and I think your children will feel more settled. Some day they will thank you for this big step you have taken.
One thing I didn't mention before, I can't fathom why he would not sign custody of the children to you. Seems like he's just being difficult for no other reason than he CAN. He's not even taking care of them now (and hasn't really), what in the world would he do with them if he had custody? There is no way he could be with them and care for them. I fear for him if he continues to fight this. Because once it gets into a court room he is going to have made himself a very hard bed to lay in. I saw a similar thing happen with my ex-husband, not about custody but other things, and it didn't turn out good for him. May Allah wake this man up.
Another thing I had to deal with and hadn't really thought about, was the fact that as long as he is the father of your children, and they are under age, you will always have to have dealings with him, communication (or the lack of it on his part). But you'll get through that too. I did. The best thing I ever did was to just try to be nice, not talk bad about him to my daughter and make every effort that any time he wanted to see her, he could. Eventually, when they are all grown up, they'll see the truth in everything for themselves. Like you, I also had a concern about my ex taking my daughter out of the country because he was not an American. But it worked out, I was careful and looking back I think I worried about it too much. He wanted to have his fun and taking a child out of the country,having to be responsible for her every need, he would not have been able to have his fun.
Oh I've written a book here. Sorry!
Love,
Maggie
6:51 AM
Congratulations Safa on everything from the house to all you have accomplished in such a short time. You are awesome!! The girls will come around, they will see how strong their Mama is and all that you did for their safety. The Hubbex is playing games to see what he can get. If he was serious about divorcing #2 he would have already done it, but he is holding on to her in case he cant get to you. If you give in, then he is done (sorta) with her, if you dont give in then he stays with her. Men!!
7:35 AM
that's wonderful news, safa, about the house! how soon can you move in?
mamabear
7:57 AM
Yay! Alhamdulillah about the house. I'm sure that is a relief to know you have a roof over your heads now. Insha Allah, may everything come easy for you from here on out.
9:36 AM
Asalaam alaikum Safa! It's good to hear from you on your blog. I am very happy for you and your kids that you found a comfortable place to live. Alhumduhlillah. InshaAllah, hopefully things will get better as time progresses for your 13 year old girl, once things settle down a bit. I'm hoping for the same for my boo-boo too (my youngest).
Allah is so merciful!
12:44 PM
Assalamu Alaikum-I've been out of it for a while. Do your kids know exactly what going on? Do they know you've moved from Egypt to Canada? That are you trying to complete your divorce??
Insha'allah everything works out well for you.
7:08 PM
Assalamu alaykum Safa
I am soooo happy to hear you found a nice house and almost a vehicle. I am also happy that you have at least one friend that is serious about assisting you. Slowly, but surely things are falling into place. Allah is the best of providers.
As for STBEX... not worth it... he is just trying to manipulate you into going back and I bet once that happens he will go back on his word and start his old ways again.
1:56 AM
Alhumdulilah for the house. I am very happy. But now for the truth are you mad at me? Please say you are not. If you are and even if you are not I AM SOOOOOO SORRY!!!!!
4:55 AM
Safa, maybe you can get something through freecycle. I've gotten things for my house and kids and have given stuff too. There's a few in your area, see which is closer: http://www.freecycle.org/group/CA/Ontario
I'm glad you got a house! Pictures, pictures!
Hugs!
Anisah
7:25 AM
Your little boy's face has such character for being so young. :)
9:19 AM
Salaam Alaikum babe,
The kids will be alright. It's normal to go through some rough stuff now but as you get stronger, they will, too. Sucks to have that responsibility, too, doesn't it? LOL! But the good thing about that is that YOU are in control of YOU and the sense of ease and happiness that they will get from you is a hell of a lot better than having to count on the pi -- er, ex-husband to make them feel happy and secure.
The counseling will help. I've had my kids in it a few times as we went through growing pains. I can tell you that even in their case -- with a father they have only seen a half dozen times in their lives and spoken to on the phone only a handful of times more than that -- they are healthy, well-adjusted adults. The oddest thing to me is how they have both made GREAT marriages (each has been with their spouse for at least 7 years (9 in my daugher's case). They learned what they want out of marriage and family, maash'Allah, and your kids will too. Sometimes the BAD example is as important as a learning experience as the "perfect family" example.
Gee, am I lecturing yet? LOL!
I love you and you know it, don't you?
PM
9:50 AM
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