More inlaws and pregnancy stress factors....
I guess I'm getting a little tired of dealing with the mood swings of my downstairs SIL. Now she's on a different warpath. Sigh. She really takes a lot out of me. There is a new issue.....let me explain.
We have a tutor who comes on Thurs. after school....he comes to our house at 3 pm and stays till 5pm. After the tutor left, I took all the girls with me and went to buy some stuff that I needed in the house. After I finished my running around....we bought sandwiches and were going home to have dinner. We are coming up the stairs....we pass SIL's door....make it to the next landing....and then her door opens. It's the girls cousin, she's about 7, she yells up to my 12 yr old....."COME DOWN, I WANNA TALK TO U!" But my 12 yr old has pulled a muscle in her leg, so she yells back...."NO, U COME UP, MY LEG HURTS ME!"
We make it up the stairs, and the cousin is behind us not even 4 mins later. She walks in, and I have no idea what she wants.....I'm on the phone, having gotten a phone call the minute I walked in. So I talk to my buddy on the phone, and get up to eat. No sooner have I hung up the phone, then it rings again. It's my SIL.
ME: "Assalaamu alaikum! How are you? I just got in and noticed that you called earlier, is everything okay?"
SIL: "wa alaykumus salaam. Ya, I called cause my daughter was dying to come play at ur house for awhile"
ME: "Oh we had some things to buy, too bad we missed her."
SIL: "WELL WHY DID U SEND HER BACK DOWNSTAIRS THEN? SHE WAS COMING UP TO PLAY AT UR HOUSE, UR 12 YR OLD DAUGHTER TOLD HER TO COME, AND THEN UR OLDEST HAS THE NERVE TO SEND HER BACK DOWN CUZ YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO EAT DINNER? DO YOU THINK MY DAUGHTER IS STARVING THAT SHE'S GONNA EAT UR HANDS FOR DINNER? "
ME: "What?? What's the matter? What happened? I came upstairs and got a phone call, I haven't the slightest idea what ur mad about."
SIL: "YOUR DAUGHTER SENT MINE BACK DOWNSTAIRS!!!!! SHE'S BEEN DYING TO COME PLAY AT UR HOUSE, AND I NOTICED THE TUTOR'S CAR DOWNSTAIRS, SO I TOLD HER TO WAIT, AND THEN U GUYS WENT OUT, AND UR 12 YR OLD TELLS HER TO COME UP, AND THEN THEY SEND HER BACK DOWN TO MY HOUSE CRYING HER EYES OUT!!!!!!!! I KNOW U GUYS DON'T LIKE MY DAUGHTER, BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO AND MAKE HER FEEL SO BAD!!!" (then the sound of her sniffling, she's crying....)
ME: "I'm so sorry, I have no idea about any of this....I'll talk to my girls and see what happened....LOOK...I don't like ur daughter to be upset, and u know for a fact that we love her so much, it must be something little, I'll figure it out...but you send ur daughter back up"
SIL: "I SWEAR TO ALLAH I'LL NEVER SEND MY DAUGHTER TO UR HOUSE AGAIN. EVER!! "
ME: 'Oh, don't say that....I'll figure out things, and straighten this up, it must just be an understanding"
SIL: "okay....assalaamu alaikum."
~~~~~
I mean, I just got her over the whole..."YOU GUYS SHOULD BUY US A CAR" argument. And we are right into this one. Is it the weather? Is she pre menopause? After talking to my oldest, I found out that SIL's daughter came upstairs behind us saying that her mom sent her to play....my oldest told her that we just got home and are going to have dinner....to come back in an hour. Personally, I don't have a problem with that. I think that's fine to say. And we JUST got home, I don't think it shows good manners to send her daughter to our house right away.
I asked my American buddy about this....she's been living in Egypt for about 15 yrs.....and she thinks that it may be the food issue. Egyptians are very generous when it comes to food, and for my daughter to send her back down.....it's not nice. I can see this point, but at the same time.....don't agree. I mean, I send my SIL down food all the time. When I make fish, I always send a plate with some rice and a piece of fish. When I make anything, I do this......it's nice. Not that she does it that much, but it does happen. Occasionally, she sends me up a small pot of Mehshi cabbage.......and I love that!
Personally, I think that maybe SIL is under some sort of stress, marriage problems...I don't know. But considering that she never goes out of her house, I'm sure that I get the brunt of it now and then. BUT HOLY HELL, SOMEBODY HOLD HER BACK!!!
So now it's been two days....she hasn't called back....hasn't sent her daughter up.....and neither have I called her. I just don't have the patience to deal with her new issue. Sigh. I hope she works out the kinks in this one by herself.
~~~~~
Now on a whole new note....I've been feeling pretty crappy lately. Ya, I'm not sleeping in my bed......I don't know what it is......but I'm just not comfortable there. This has been going on since my husband got married. And it doesn't seem to be going away. When I do manage to fall asleep in my bed, I wake up a few hours later and won't fall back to sleep. So I've been sleeping on the couch. I'm comfortable there. This stage of my pregnancy isn't helping me much in the sleep department. I wake up every time I have to roll over, which seems to be on average of 4 times per night, and then add one more time I wake up to go pee. It's exhausting. I feel so huge, my stomach is so big......and just recently, I've come across another revelation.
I can't tie up my shoes. No kidding! I like wearing heels....chunky low heels.....but since about the 5th month, I put them away, and was left with my one pair of black flat shoes...slingbacks....and two pairs of running shoes. One pair is red and the other is brown suede. The brown suede ones look good with my brown corduroy abaya, so that's basically what I've been wearing. Thing is...I can't bend over and tie up those shoes anymore. What the heck??
My stomach seems to be huge this time around!!!! Sigh! I've still got two months in front of me.....!! And not to mention that the other day when I went out in the car, I could turn the steering wheel, cuz my stomach was pushing against it.......well, that doesn't work so well with me, cuz now my foot doesn't reach the clutch so well. I stalled a few times, cuz I couldn't get the clutch to the ground. That's embarassing. And considering at this point the baby is going to be getting bigger, I don't think I'll be driving much longer. I'll be lucky if I can still drive by April 1st.
That makes me worried. I keep thinking what needs to be done, that I can do RIGHT NOW? All my plans of waiting until the 8th month have now vanished. No doing. I need to start thinking BABY and get a move on it. What do I have to do? Well....
*get crib out and wash it all up
*get out baby clothes and see what I need to buy to add to them
*get the car seat from the villa, and wash it up, too
*buy lotions and creams for baby
*buy diapers, at least one package
*buy whatever extra clothes that I need
That seems about right. And I guess I want to add to that list the fact that I want to completely and absolutely re organize my entire house, so that I have no garbage, crap, no ANYTHING that I don't need to have around. I also need to put away all the winter clothes and then bring out the spring/summer clothes including my own. Might as well do the same with hubby's clothes, considering he's supposed to be here in April.....ya, I think that about does it. Oh, did I mention laundry? OH MAN I HATE LAUNDRY! Hmmmm...speaking about laundry, I need to call the washing machine repair guys to come see why my machine sounds like a garbage compacter.......it's so darn loud!
Now all that sounds like what? 2 days work? Okay, now work into that the fact that I'm bloated, not sleeping properly, feel like I"m carrying a beach ball in my pants, and have to stick myself with needles every 10 hours. HAHA! You know what I need? I need to make a bunch of dua that I just wake up one morning and it all miraculously has taken care of itself. Cuz I don't think this work is going to get done anytime soon. There's still school lunches to make, dinner to cook, dishes to wash, more laundry to hang, kids to reprimand, fights to break up, SIL's to argue with, phone calls to make, and a villa that needs to be supervised as workers are there, the mercedes keeps smelling like gas when I drive it, the kids need stuff for school, the tutor is on the way..........OH MAN! I must be driving some kind of crazy!
HELP!
posted by Safa at 9:21 AM
10 Comments:
I hope you have some good friends to rely on. You've certainly got your plate full. Your older daughters will have to give you a hand..I'm sure they do. But as your last two months in pregnancy come it's going to be harder and harder to look after things. I am always in utter shock a man can leave a pregnant wife with four kids. Why you would ever want anything to do with such an incredibly selfish person who obviously has no sense of responsibility is beyond me. The depth of his selfishness is astounding.
Are there any social agencies in Egypt that help single mothers? I know in Canada getting in touch in Health Care thru the hospitals can provide much needed aid for single moms who are up against it. Though maybe it's not fair that your daughters will have to work and help you (I believe childhood should be just that ..childhood with time to play..it's all too soon they will have their own worries and responsibilities in life) they will have to help you..doing laundry, cooking meals etc. But if you do have good friends (it doesn't sound like there are family to step in and help) don't be afraid to ask for help..I'm sure they would be willing to help out a mom on her own.
2:35 PM
salam alaikoum safa
there is some truth to what you said about her not going out. My SIL never leaves the house and I truly think it messes up her perspective of boundaries and what is and is not serious. How many times she flipped out for nothing...I think you have a good understanding of the why she did it part. I know it does not making the accepting that she wigs out on you part any better. Incha Allah she will forget...even if she moves on to something else. :(
10:45 PM
I don't in any way accept her way of dealing with her issues.....I refer to her method as the "missile method".....LOL!! Honestly, she's a great person.......but I would never be able to take her as a friend if she wasn't my SIL.....sigh. Oh, I'm sure she'll find something else to move on to......maybe sooner than later!
10:53 PM
Asalamalaykom,
As the sheik has told me often: SABR.
LOL! Are you screaming now? Ya, I know! It's hard to have patience with all you've got going on. Inshahallah, you can take that breath and say, "You know, there are a lot of women who don't have __________ (fill-in-the-blank) and want it desperately. I'm going to see if I can figure out why they wanted it so badly".
As for PSIL (that's Pyscho Sister-in-Law), her world has become so little. She is fighting all the wars within your apartment building. All the plagues are within the walls. All the torment of souls she feels within. SHE NEEDS TO GET OUT! But, she isn't going to. So, keep YOUR perspective.
I mean, at some point, whatever Egyptians do or don't do WHO CARES! You have your own wants and needs for your family! Let them stew, if they don't understand giving space. Maybe they like to glum onto people the second they arrive home, and maybe others understand...but doesn't mean you have to like it. You can understand a person's weirdness, but not have to accept it. There's a difference and you keep yourself pleasant and DETACHED. The more you detach from her weirdness, the better.
You've got enough of your own weirdness. Save your energy for that.
Hey! Is that a beachball in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?
(By the way, boys are more pointy in utero and girls more rounded...in my humble opinion. So, that could be why you feel larger.)
5:44 AM
i havent read this post but i needed to ask you something, so im posting.
I'm thinking of coming to egypt for the summer. What kind of hadanas exist there? can u tell me something about them. my son is 2.5 years old. I'll be staying in heliopolis with my inlaws. Is fajr institute far from there? or qurtuba? and which is better?
Also, what hours do these hadanas usualy have? I was thinking of putting him in something a bit full time so that by the time he comes home, ive gone to class and done my homework. otherwise i feel bad cuz i'll be at my in laws and won't 'help out' much. at least thats what im thinking at this point. ofcourse my mom is telling me thats too long of a day for a 2.5 year old.
and then since theres no little kids at my in laws and my son is the epitome of rambunciousness i'm trying to think up ideas of what to do with him once he comes home from school.
burgundy
6:55 AM
Just give her time to cool off and inshalah she will turn around. She does seem to make a mountain out of a mole hil..lol. I dont like this swearing by Allaah though that she wont ever let her daughter come up stairs. It's taking His name too lightly and in vain.Kids will be kids and what is she going to do down the road when she feels silly for blowing up and the kid wants to come upstairs?!subhanallah! I wouldn't stress it, you got your own family to worry about. Just take it easy, you got some beautiful girls they will help you whenever they can around the home.
7:13 AM
May Allah grant u peace and patience ya rab... because frankly as an egyptian I KNOW that it is very rare for an egyptian woman to accept to live with her inlaws in the same building. But, being canadian maybe u didnt know. My advice: Ignore her alot!
4:55 AM
Salaams Safa,
I can't believe you only have 2 months left to go... it seems like it was just yesterday you found out you were preggers! Insha-allah you will have an easy last 2 months. I need to e-mail you somehting privately too so I will try to get to it today!
Love you lots
Amira
11:39 AM
Drama! You don't need this overreaction! I agree with anon about the "SWEAR TO ALLAH" it's WAY over used here I find.
2:00 PM
Um, you sound like you are nesting...that baby may be here sooner then you think!
8:04 PM
Post a Comment
<< Home