o ya, sure baby.....
My hubby called yesterday....I told him how his family figured out I was pregnant...even tho I didn't confirm it with them. He starts going on about how his family loves him and even when they are mad at him, they still want the best. And I'm like...ya, ok. Wake up, buddy!
The only reason they have been pushing about the pregnancy is cuz they think if I have a baby boy that hubby will miracuously come to his senses and get his rear end back home. Sheesh!
He was shocked when I told him that.....and then went on to tell me that us only having girls has never been a problem...and that if he were ever to get married again specifically to try and have a boy he would have told me.
Silence. I didn't even respond to that. Oh ya.....so I can guess why he was getting married then, eh? Obviously not to have kids, but still just to satisfy other things. WHat a stupid dumb ass things for him to say. And you know what? I don't believe him.....he wouldn't have told me. He's already got two strikes against him.....he's too much of a coward to have been able to tell me.
But I"m just blown away by his belief in his family. They are being horrible to us.....subhanAllah.
******************
So here's the other thing....I asked him if MM told him that she received the Ramadan message from me. He said that he told her, but she says that she didn't receive it.
LIAR!
OMG.....I added a report to that message.....and not only did she receive it....she opened it!! I have the proof of that. So why the hell would she lie? I told my hubby that I added the report and that I KNOW she got the damn message.
Man! She pisses me off. Oh? What did hubby say when I told him that I added a report on the message?
"Oh...I don't know then." Great choice of women......wonderful choice.
posted by Safa at 12:29 AM
13 Comments:
I always find this issue of having sons interesting, especially when it is the man who biologically determines the sex of the baby in regards to the genetic factor.
Safa, have you gotten any resolution in your feelings towards your husband and his desire for polygyny? It seems to me that the pregnancy has resulted in a potential disconnect from reality. In other words, I feel like you are now expecting that he will return to Egypt and you will resume your pre-polygynous life raising this baby, secure in a monogamous marrige. While that would be lovely if it happens, I hope you are also prepared for the alternative.
As for MM, I continue to think that the best approach is to work on your own relationship with your husband and steer clear of theirs. I know that is easier said than done, but it will help you see that MM is not the real problem in your marriage. Your husband's desire for and approach to polygyny is the real problem. You may not be able to change his desire for it, but insha'Allah he can change his approach.
Salaam Alaikum, sis,
PM
2:35 AM
I am still in denial about my husband and his desire for polygyny. I still chose to believe that the only reason my husband took that option was to protect himself against haram in my absence.
I totally believe that MM is on her way out of the picture...my hubby will come home to Egypt and we will continue our lives as a monogamous family. Deluded? Possibly. But I won't accept anything less. I am biding my time here in Egypt until he makes that a reality. Otherwise.....well....will be otherwise.
I know he's making steps to come back to Egypt....he has told me in explicit detail....it's only a matter of time.....there are things that delay him at the moment. Have I told you that now hubby isn't even living with MM?
I know that MM isn't the problem in my marriage......my problem lies with my husband alone. MM is just a stupid, selfish bitch who thought she could worm her way into our lives and destroy all that we have accomplished....and so far....she's doing pretty good. But she sure as hell ain't going to destroy my marriage. It would take a better person than her to do that.
Say goodbye to canadian business....thank you MM.....your ex husband is a real gem.....bet you KNEW he'd be after your ass for marrying my husband? You are a liar....and it's been proven again and again.....and you directly insult me and my kids.....you'll get urs......
4:05 AM
Safa,
I have to wonder if what you have written here is just venting....
Was Crystal also a "stupid, selfish bitch who thought she could worm her way into [y]our lives and destroy all that we [you] have accomplished"?
And has your husband recanted the desire for polygyny that he expressed when you were in Canada? Is that the source of your belief that "the only reason my husband took that option was to protect himself against haram in my [your] absence" ... and that your "hubby will come home to Egypt and we [you] will continue our lives as a monogamous family"?
It's a good thing to stay positive , espcially when you are pregnant, but I fail to see how expressing hatred for MM and dressing up your husband's actions as those of a desperate man under duress are positive.
Salaam Alaikum,
PM
4:22 AM
it is in part venting...yes. Crystal didn't know anything about our lives...not like MM....her and her ex husband did worm their way into my husband's life....with his approval mind you....but when he tried to break away from them.....they wouldn't go away. For one reason or another....
The expression that my husband made for polygyny in Canada....was done while he was angry....something that he's getting good at....saying things that he KNOWS will hurt.
I'm trying to stay positive....and not doing so well......but I do have some hatred for MM.....and my husbands actions concerning MM were made under duress....not sure if I've told you guys the whole STORY about that little incident that MM entirely created.....but that's another post.......
Again....as far as MM is concerned...you all know what she's been doing....the douche, the lipstick, the pregnancy kit....HOLY HECK.....puh lease!! Tell me she has good intentions....
4:35 AM
Dear Safa,
I don't doubt for a minute that MM's intentions are not good. I just don't want to see you immerse yourself in nagativity either.
Of course no one but you and your husband know the full story of what goes on between you. I pray you will not be hurt further.
Salaam Alaikum,
PM
5:11 AM
AnotherMuslima: this comes with the territory of being married to an Arab, usually. For the most part the Arab women that I have met in my husband's family are much closed minded than us western Muslimas. As such they become angry at the woman in the family who follows along with her husband into polygyny. It seen almost as a allowing a poision to seep into the "house" that can (and many time does) affect the other men in the family. My mother in law and I don't have the best relationship now but I know for a fact that she would blame me if my husband ever married again. That's another reason why I am not interested in it. The emotional head games would wreck havoc on my faith's stability.
Safa: Don't waste your energy with the negativity, sweet pea. Who cares if MM lied? Isn't that what she always does any way? I'm a hopeless optimistic as well so I can understand your frame of mind. If that keeps you afloat, stay there. And I know you this, but dua works, continue to ask Allah for what it is that you need, want and desire.
7:31 AM
PEACE TO YOU DEAR SAFA,
Sorry to yell, but you weren't going to hear me above the din of your rant. LOL
Look, girl, you are allowing yourself to go down and it is very hard to pick yourself up when you're pregnant. DON'T DO THIS. Don't get down. PM is right that you shouldn't get into negativity. It truly isn't worth it.
You know, all those names you're calling? That makes you dirty for using them. Don't dirty yourself.
As for hate? I've said it before, but one of my fav. quotes is: Hate is too important an emotion to waste on somebody I don't even like.
She isn't worth it. Stop being surprised by her not being worth it. Duh! My mom told me that once about my ex-hub, "Why are continually surprised that he's mean? How dumb are you for letting it effect you every time? Stop being surprised by it. It's his way!"
As for being delusional, that's OK. I'm all for deluding yourself when you need to get through something tough. All of this effort PM is using to show the truth (sorry PM) is going to waste because you aren't able to see it. You can't. You aren't in the place mentally and physically where you can look your life square in the eye and identify each aspect. So don't!
However, continue to get your ducks in a row. What do you need right now? A rest? A good book? A phone call with your mom? Do those things. Do what makes you feel good right now. Screw the rest. And just live your life enjoying your days. Grow the baby inside you surrounded by love and peace as much as you can. Insulate the baby from the harsh realities in Canada and Egypt. Don't get your blood pressure up, Fer Real! Chill, girl. Just chill.
Dr. Honorary Arab (don't ask to see my license to practice) has ordered you to start immediately implimenting these treatments: make a list of 100 things that you can do to make yourself happy and make a list of three things you want to ask for from God. Then, act on both things.
I sincerly doubt that hurting MM will be on either list. And I don't think aruging with hubby will either. So, don't do those! Make the effort to stop! Enshahallah.
Your life and the life of your family hangs in the balance. This is not a game, girl. This is important that you rise above and to do it today. Lots of love your way!
11:13 AM
That's the one of the top reasons my wife gets to choose. Man the drama you go through with that chicka.
I was going to post something else but that would have been negative and we don't wanna go there. I hope that you find a light at the end of this tunnel, and that it is not an oncoming train. I pray for you sister.
2:32 PM
Safa, there's a really valuable lesson to be learned from the Stoics: we have no control over the actions of others, but we do have control over OUR reactions to those actions. It's not easy to control how we react because human emotion is so powerful, but as long as feed the beast (s)he keeps coming around looking for food.
11:07 PM
Salam alaikoum Safa,
Sometimes I say stuff- like hardcore sailor stuff- just to get it out of my system, then I shake it out and say a big astarghfirullah and move on. You know, I wish I could be all pious and stuff and say I don't call certain people- like my sociopath sister in law, like the women who think my husband is single- really really bad unbecoming un-Islamic names, but I do . We're all on our path to self awareness, we're all trying to emulate the Prophete salli allahu alayhi wa salam, but hey, if we were perfect, we would not be human beings. While I do not advocate cuss words, I ain't gonna lie and say I don't ever use them, and I ain't gonna front and be like calling people names hasn't helped me as a short term fix to get over the pain. Sometimes it is the quick win that helps us to move on and be better people and put things behind us.
9:21 AM
I have to clarify my previous comment. You know when a little kid is mad (well you know better than me I don't have any) and they start saying stuff like "I hate you" "Go away" and all that? Then once they get it out of their system they have a good cry and then it is all better? That is what I meant.
1:33 PM
Salam my dear
Hope you are feeling better. And hope your kids are doing OK. Take care of yourself. I don't often comment but I have been reading your blog since about May or so. I was in Cairo but I moved to Portland.
6:03 PM
wa alaykumus salaam,,
Yeah yeah....its out of my system now. I've been holding that back for a long time. I have such a slow burn.
MM is 33 I think.....Hubby told me she's a year younger than me...so she's either 33 or 34.
I'm trying to keep myself up guys...I am.....but there's this PIT of anger inside me.....subhanAllah....
12:26 AM
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