A little spice, for the motions of life.......

The mood in my house for the past month had been so full of pressure, so full of tense air......that with the leaving of my husband....it's like a great burden has been lifted. We all can actually breathe now.

I'm not sure if I regret some of my actions with my husband......I know that I was concerned about just "letting it all out". Not playing footsies anymore. In some ways, I drove him nuts. I wonder how it felt for him to see things on my side of the fence??

Have I made any ground, I wonder?? Does he realize how serious our situation is? I've stressed how much I need to be with him for some times so that I can regain some of my old composure.....it was met with deaf ears......and with the excuse of....."I'm in a tough situation right now"........I grieve for my 3 months owed to me. How would I be, if I had them??

So rather than dwelling on the past.....I know I have to start looking at the future. Bleak, isn't it? Hopeful? Nope. It seems like it's just going to be broken promises, protecting lies, and doubts, doubts , doubts. How do you stand on that? It's like a piece of floating ice where you constantly have to re-adjust yourself to maintain balance. Is that what my future holds??

I've made a decision to start losing weight again.....I have to get myself into some semblance of order..........my own order. So I'll be starting that on the first of August......joining the gym again.......walking. I think if I start feeling good about myself, that I'll feel more confident.

I'm off the prozac, btw. That's a good step.......

You know what I was thinking?? That I'm tired of being a giver. And this visit....that's what I stopped doing....giving. I totally expected hubby to fill in the balance.....and he didn't. He's a taker.

Has anyone seen my glasses?? You know the ones, with the rose coloured lenses?? Things just used to look so much more beautiful with them on..........can I borrow someones????