I just need to sit and cry....
Here it is....the morning after. How fast 5 weeks fly. As much as I tried to convince hubby that he needed to be fair with me considering time, he also pushed the fact that he's in a situation and that he can't be fair to me. Even with the advice of many sisters, I still wasn't able to calm down and just open up with my husband. I hurt so much this visit....that I just couldn't talk. I was surprised when I realized that it's been a year since I've started going thru hell.......it all started last summer with co-wife asking hubby to marry her.
Among the times we managed to talk......
*hubby took me for a walk.....I let out everything in my chest, told him he lied, decieved and manipulated me. Asked him how can he expect to treat me the worst and for me to reciprocate with the best? He denies everything...and basically we just don't see eye to eye. I ended up getting a huge blister on the bottom of my foot and had to take off my shoes to walk the rest of the way home. We came home both very mad at each other.
*he took me out for a late supper.......we went to this BBQ restaurant.....and then afterwards sat and had ice cream at this floating restaurant on the nile. It was a gorgeous place......our talking was quite calmer....but again......we just bump heads
*he had planned to take me out again for a late supper......started talking in the car on the way there.....he got SUPER PISSED......turned around and brought me back home. (driving 145 all the way!!!)
*day before he left, we took the kids to play at the play place at Carrefours....we talked a bit while they played....over a coffee at Cilantro.....I stopped him everytime he started getting worked up. After the Carrefours, we went for a little cruise on the nile....it was so special for the kids.....and then we took a carriage ride. We didn't continue talking, but both had a nice time with the kids.
*the day he left, he asked me 5 hours before he was due to fly, if there was anything he could do to make me feel better.....and I answered......in 5 hours??? Told him....too late.
So that's a quick summary of how he tried.
What my problems are....is his betrayal of me. The fact that he keeps saying that what he did is his right.....to which I respond....then why don't you give my MY rights??? Dead end.
I didn't see any effort on his part about his promises.......which kills me......I count on those things so much.
The wedding went well........the whole entire family spent 3 days at my house. Me and hubby had it out with the whole family. Everyone knows about the situation.....and are all confused as to why hubby would hide it. And as to why he'd hide it from me. I came to Egypt and left everyone behind....my family, my friends.....and lived here alone....all for him.......so why this???
Much more later......I need to go sit down and cry......
posted by Safa at 4:19 AM
6 Comments:
Asalaamu alaykum, If I could hug you, I would. I am so sorry that you are hurting. I hope that God guides you to best decisions and makes you strong enough to deal with them.
You are smart strong woman and mother and wife.
5:41 AM
That is it.....I am coming to get you and you can live with me...I kind of understand the bumping heads thing. I was super mad that my husband lied to me and when I confronted him he was like " I did't want to hurt you..." What the hell it hurts more when you lie....but I eventually just gave up on trying to rationalize it all.
6:51 AM
I suppose I am just too stubborn to give up and rationalize the whole thing......oh by the way.....I found out that it WAS my co wife who sent the saffron stuff....morrocan magic.......scary
7:44 AM
awww safa, my heart is aching for you right now. can i come and sit and cry with you? ya habeebtee, i know everything feels so overwhelming right now, overwhelming and hopeless and unknown. but you must know that Allaah subhanahu wa ta^ala has promised the Believers that with evey hardship comes ease. He didn't give a time-frame for when that ease comes, but nonetheless, we know that it will come, even if it's not when we think we need it. i love you sister...even though we have never met, i love you fisabilillah and because you have such a big heart and are so real and sincere. may Allah subhanahu wa ta^ala bring the calm after the storm soon insha'Allah.
8:39 AM
I think the hardest part to get past is the lies, too...at least that's my problem. And I want him to admit that he lied, but he doesn't see it that way...he doesn't think he lied about anything. He doesn't need to fear me, only Allah (I think this must be a line that Arab men are taught to give their wives...I know I've heard other sisters say their husbands use that one too). Safa, did you read my post in my blog about men and their lying? It gave me some comfort, but then again...you have to be willing to let the hurt go. That's what I'm working on myself. I feel your pain, sister, I really do. Insha'Allah we will make it through it all.
10:51 AM
oh sweetie, lots of hugs and squeezes and so many people all over the world are thinking about you and praying for you. I think we all feel so powerless to help you beyond words of comfort and opinionated advice. Look, he is gone now. Perhaps this will give you a chance to get clear headed and make some decisions since you will be looking at things in retrospect. Stay strong.
11:14 PM
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