Do I really have control.....

.....over how things affect me? Have you ever had that horrible feeling where everything is jumbled up inside and you can't make heads or tails out of anything? Yeah....that's whats going on with me....on the inside at least. On the outside I'm just the same old, smiling trooper that I'll always be.

I'm not bothered by how I deal with things....I guess I'm just feeling jumbled about the goings on right now.

One of the things that is bugging me is my social assistance. I took such care about transferring my file. I came up to Barrie for my interview on the 21st.....so that I could have things move seamlessly and not have any interruption in my assistance.

It hasn't worked out that way. Until today, I have not received my benefits for July. I should have received them June 30th. When I went for my interview, I actually liked my worker. She seems like a tough old bird and I found her quite thorough and easy to talk to. But it seems like some of those same traits are what have held up my money. Grrrrr. I brought every possible document that she could ask for at my interview and then some.

And you know what's slowed me down? She's asking for a list of assets from the bank....so I run out of the house to get it....but then I get back to the office at 4:30....just as they close....which means she wont get to them until the next day. Little did I know that she booked Friday off.....so that means she didn't see my paperwork until Monday.....and then she calls me and says she wants new bank statements, not the ones from my internet banking... I run back to the bank again... $5 per copy.....just not my day. And since she called me at 3:45 pm....I'm literally praying that I get this done fast....but alas....I arrive yet again at the office at 4:30 pm.......which means she won't get at it until the next day.

That was yesterday. She didn't call me today....so that shoul be good. I'm praying that I'll check my bank account after midnight tonight and find that money has been deposited. Not much you can do with .32 cents in your pocket.

I went to the food bank today. Elizabeth Fry Society.......they didn't give me very much.....but the best thing they gave me were some nice huge cupcakes....orange poppy seed. My children love them.

Last week, I went to another food bank here in barrie. It was amazing......they gave me an entire shopping.....complete with eggs, milk, bread, butter.....you name it. But no fresh food. It was still a lot tho. I'm a pro at cooking a meal out of almost nothing.

I said to my Social Service Worker on the phone...."I owe my landlord $700 rent for July, I hardly have any gas in the car and I have no money. My situation is becoming critical....."

And yet, I wait.

I'm so damn close to tears over this.....I don't know what I do.....or who to complain to......this is unreal.....

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