he's been served...
Hubbex came to get the kids on Friday at 4. He was even 15 minutes early.
He rings the doorbell and I walk over to answer the door and I see he has some papers for me. Gobbledy gook stuff and we talk a bit....so then I nonchalantly hand him the support papers. He takes them and looks and says....what's this?
"Its the paperwork for support. We have a court day in May...you can plan to be present or not, your choice."
Silence.
But then I notice his hand is shaking.
I have more "bad" news for him but I wait for him to say something....he doesn't. The silence is uncomfortable so I start....
"Well, I don't know how to tell you this....but your oldest is working this weekend, the 15 year old has plans with her friends, the 12 year old has some plans too.......I'm taking the 6 year old to a birthday party in Barrie on Saturday so if you want to take your son....he's all ready and his clothes are in the bag." I rambled it a bit, but tried to control my tone.
He just stands there and sort of nods his head like he knew this would happen. So I ask him, "do you want to take your son?"
Then Hubbex admits to me..."I can't take him alone because he'll cry"
Ah.
So then he asks me where the 6 yr old is...and I say she doesn't get off the bus till 4 pm and he's welcome to come inside and wait. He says no. (I know he probably has MM in the van waiting...and bite my tongue before I offer him to bring her in too....*OUCH! but I didn't offer)
So he leaves with the support papers and after 10 mins......drives away.
I watch the van pulling away and imagine the feeling.....wondering if I was to be in his place and how I'd feel. I bet it's an awful moment for him and yet......he's not a victim of his own choices. I don't feel sorry for him.....
He'll be gone before May. I can almost guarantee it.
posted by Safa at 12:17 PM
9 Comments:
wow, i wonder if he's regretting that iTouch yet? it apparently didn't score him any points.
12:41 PM
I don't feel sorry for him either. He made his bed. This is probably the first time he's really had to sleep in it.
It will hurt the kids a lot if/when he goes. And maybe no way to get $ out of him. But then, once it racks up, he won't be able to come back unless he pays it or they could put him in jail.
IMHO I think the kids are better off not dealing with his crap. They have a better father in Sjon than they ever had in him.
I gotta look for someone like Sjon for me, or else I'll come steal him from you lol. Does he have any brothers?
1:19 PM
You know, many men live in polygamy and support their children. Many men are divorced and support their chilren. Many men dislike their ex wives and the choices they make, but they still support their children.
I have a tendency to expect a lot from muslim men. I cannot think of ANY good reason why a man, muslim or not, would have to be taken to court to support their 5 children. He had tons of money when you were in Egypt. Where did it suddenly go? Even if he were dirt poor, a bag of groceries would suffice.
I'm happy that you were strong enough to stand up for your children's rights and serve him the support papers.
5:03 PM
he still has all his money but chooses not to pay support and justifies it with piss poor excuses.
@ Alice....yes, I was wondering the same thing....
@ Anisa....I don't think he could hurt the kids more with his leaving than he did the time he didn't even say goodbye to them. Btw....Sjon has no brothers....loool!
@UmmAbdurRahman.....I also have high expectations of muslim men....which is why I'm so confused as to his behaviour....when I try to find a good reason why he wouldn't pay support, I come up blank. It makes me realize how warped he is.
9:25 PM
Safa, I am so glad u served those papers to him. Now since he has them, see how many times he calls his children or comes over to get them. I wouldn't be surprised if all of a sudden he doesn't want to take them for the weekend or anything of that nature. I think in some strange way, he thought he was getting away with not taking care of his children and probably thought u wouldn't serve him.
I think in situations like this, we should take the religion out of the equation. Men are men. There the good ones and the scums of the earth in every religion. And trusting a man more just because of his religion and then him not stepping up the the plate when a situation happens will only shake ur faith. I know in my case it did.
My son's father is a pretty devout Muslim. But he is also a lousy father and even worse husband. And when he did the things he did, it made me wonder why he was doing things that in Islam, it is considered morally wrong? It's because of who he is, not his religion. I had to put the Islam aside and saw him for who he is. And I know that there are better ones out there. But he isn't one of them.
Don't feel sorry for what happened. It's an awful moment that HE created for himself. And now he has to suffer the consequences of his choices. Just keep going on that you are doing right by your children and they will see that.
Love ya!
12:25 PM
Good for you Safa! He needs to be a man, sadly it probably won't happen but you are doing your best to get your kids what they need.
I'm sure it wasn't a nice feeling to leave without them. My ex still cries occas. when having video chats with his kids that he let go.
2:51 PM
I love what you said, Colls about taking the religion out of the equation.....why is it that we always expect them to act according to their faith? Perhaps as converts, our expectations are higher.....?
When he left he told me he'd call the kids on Sunday and take them out.....he didn't call. So you are right there.....he also told the kids they'd stay with him the entire march break....(they absolutely don't want to)....let's see....
5:09 AM
Salam Safa,
Does he have businesses in Canada? Because if he does, and those businesses are making some money, then I think the government can seize some of the money/assets.
Also even if he bails before March, I think MM still lives in Canada right? So I don't think he'd risk being arrested when he comes back because he's delinquent in child support.
Finally... as someone said... there are MANY fathers who ended up things really badly with their wives, who must even hate their ex-wives, still they pay child support. He has no excuse!
6:57 AM
wsalaam Caminante...
He closed his businesses in Canada but he remained a silent partner in one store here. As far as he told me, his name isn't on any of the books anywhere....before I left his, I asked about this business and he told me that "it's done". I really have no idea about it...but I did list that business on my documents.
MM being in Canada isn't a problem....he'd send her to visit in Egypt....(which he does)....
And yes...there are a great many fathers out there who do good by their children....hats off to them!
12:33 PM
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