You've got mail....
A voice mail from the ex arrived in the 17 yr olds inbox from her Dad.....
"How are you honey? I'm back in Canada....I just arrived on Friday night. I don't have a car right now, but if your mom will be nice maybe she can drive you guys to my place for the weekend. I really want to see you all..."
Errrmm.......
posted by Safa at 7:25 AM
15 Comments:
And it is still very fresh in my mind all the complications from his last visit. He wouldnt sign my son's passport and neither would he hand over his income tax receipts although I have a court order saying so.
And with that message, he suddenly puts me in the middle with the kids.....translation....I can see you but your mom has to put the effort towards it.
And why on earth can't he just call and tell me something like that? Always wanting the kids in the middle.....grrrrr!!!
And sorry, we have been busy this weekend....so I'm definitely not driving them.
7:30 AM
Bottom line, because two parents can't get along, the kids are the ones paying for it.
Kids deserve to have a relationship with both parents, your ex seems at least to be trying, even if you don't agree with approach, he's their father.
I'm a child of divorce,even if I know my father had his faults, I resent my mom for the things she kept saying about him,he was still my father even if they were divorced.I felt I had to be on her side, just to make her happy,.
Grow up, think of your kids.
Bad enough that you are leading them away from Islam by your actions and example, one more thing that must be confusing to them, and upsetting to their father.
7:59 AM
No u shouldn't have to drive them. He wants to see them, than HE can make the arrangements...Can't he rent a car?
Hmmm...HELLO? TAX! Or take the BUS!
He is a real piece of work. And I think he needs to talk to YOU and not through the kids. Z's dad started saying things to my son the last time. I put a stop to that real fast.
Oh this makes me angry! Grrr!!!!
**Hugs sweetie!**
10:42 AM
marie, I don't think Safa is wrong. If he wants to see them so much, he can get a taxi. She is not forbbiding them to visit the dad at all, did you miss that part? She is just not taking them, which is different. He is a man that comes and goes from one continent to another and marries multiple wives, surely enough he can afford paying a bloody taxi.
10:58 AM
He wants YOU to drive them ? Why not ? But then he asks YOU.
Bottom line : a normal relationship with kids goes through a courteous relationship between divorced parents, and certainly not through such messaging implying that if you don't agree for any reason YOU are not nice.
11:40 AM
Salam Safa,
I think this would be a good opportunity to set things STRAIGHT, via lawyer.
Yes, they are his kids and he has a right to see them but not in a crazy, chaotic way so that it messes them up more than it helps them.
So he needs to be told, by you in very respectful terms or by a lawyer, how to behave like an adult father.
That includes talking with the mother to set up a visit schedule, etc, etc.
Also I do not agree with Marie. I don't think he's trying and I think the "coming and then abandon" routine he does can be more harmful to the children than if he just leaves once and for all. Then at least the children would mourn his absence and then move on with their lives.
Every time he suddenly appears, sees them, fills their heads with God knows what and then abandons them again is EXTREMELY harmful for the children.
And to be honest, I don't think that parents have the right to see their children regardless. If a parent is more negative to the life of the children (I'm not saying this is the case), then I think the children's welfare comes first.
My sister is also a child of divorce and she had a totally different experience than you. After her biological father pulled the "show up and abandon" routine my mom said "enough is enough". My sister is extremely grateful my mom did that, she took my father (i.e. my mom's new husband) as her dad and we are an amazing, crazy, close family. I don't think of my sister as half-sister or anything like that, nor does she see my dad as a "step dad". We're just one big happy family :)
What I'm trying to say is that each situation has to be analyzed differently and see what is best for the children's interest.
12:18 PM
The ex is putting Safa to be the bad guy by saying "if your mom's nice enough." He wasn't nice enough to support his children or give a shit about them. She has done it all by herself! What has he done for them? Damn nothing except put their mom to be the bad guy and enjoy his life and his money when his kids barely had food!!!
He should have the cajones to call and talk to their mom. he doesn't because he knows he is an a$$, and he knows she will call him on it.
Men do this when they know they are guilty of something, but don't want to be told about it. My ex was the same.
Hugs Safa. Do what you feel is right in your heart. I believe in you!
Anisah
12:28 PM
One more thing... I think this thing of "being in the middle" that he has put your daughter in has to be really stressful for her.
So that I suggest that you try to take out her out of this ASAP. She shouldn't be the one dealing with this, and dealing with her father's pressure to see them, answering whether to see them or not, etc, etc. It's way too much for a young adult like her.
12:29 PM
Ur all right about the oldest being in the middle and being stressed about it. Today he called and spoke to the 14 yr old and was trying to set up some sort of schedule....I was on my way out, but told the 14 yr old....(and he could hear me..)...to tell him that I'd call him Tuesday to discuss visits and also invited him to come to the house either Tuesday or Wednesday to spend the evening with the kids....(inside MY house...) I DO want him to see his kids....
Now @ Marie.....if you are only here to cause trouble and stir things up instead of saying something constructive, then you can go elsewhere and get your fix. You've also brought your lowly comments to my daughters blog and I just don't see you helping or encouraging anything. So either get a clue, or go away. Got that?
2:15 PM
Salam Safa,
I really pray he'll go to your house and have a civilized dinner with you and your family... that'd be a great step.
3:08 PM
well, called him 4 times today, as agreed upon and the phone rang until it went into voice mail.......yah....expected.
3:02 PM
is it possible for your oldest daughter to have her phone number changed? that way he would have to call you directly and leave the kids out of it. i mean, visitation seems like something he should be discussing with his kids' mother not the kids themselves.
8:44 PM
Bottom line is simply this...their father did not contact their mother. Legally he doesnt have a leg to stand on. Safa could actually claim she knew nothing about it because SHE did not get the message--her daughter did. I am not encouraging Safa to say lie and say she didnt know...I am proving a point...that unless the father actually contacts the mother, there is no arrangement.
Add to this, the fact that he could probably be jailed for failure to adhere to a court order AND for failure to pay child support.
And that he is obviously a poor example of a Muslim who has used the thin line of his own version of "halal" to basically commit so much haram in his life.
Oh but I forgot...the worst Muslim is better than ...yada, yada, yada. What hokey!
5:12 AM
Marie, did you suddenly just show up, read this one post and decide to reply? Stop projecting your childhood onto the author of this blog, seriously, if you'd read more than one post you would have a clue and be able to write a coherent response. This man texted a FOURTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL, to make her THINK that it was her mother's responsibility to drive the kids somewhere that he DID NOT ASK HER to drive them. The man travels frequently between Egypt and Canada and has a villa, you seriously believe he cannot rent a car?
Seriously, get a clue before you type.
6:20 PM
Crysmissmichelle...your comment made me think.....he's not really trying at all of course (contrary to what marie suggested), but I think he really doesnt want to see the kids or actually come face-to-face with Safa, so he calls the child, puts the ball in Safa's court by (again) placing all the responsibility on her to get the kids to him, then ignores her calls, and can then crawl back to egypt, satisfied, that he "tried" and he was the one "wronged". I think he's sick, and I think anyone who cant see that after years of reading Safa's blog may be sick as well.
9:00 PM
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