Be still my heart.....

Hubbex arrived promptly at 4 pm to take the kids. Only 2 were ready. So the ex took Abdu and the 6 yr old to Chuckie Cheese and arranged to come back at 6:30 to pick up the older 3.

The 12 yr old absolutely didn't want to go. She came to me and said she'd be bored.

She packed her radio into her luggage.
She packed up her Nintendo Ds.
She brought a book.
She brought pencil crayons.

She asked me again if she could stay...........

At that point I became tough. I think what I was seeing is that for the first time in a long, long time, the Ex would have ALL the kids with him. And its very important that he realizes just what goes on. So I just didn't back down with the 12 yr old...I told her that EVERYONE is going and she is part of it. But I did say she could come back whenever she wants.

Then at 5:30, my oldest comes downstairs and says to me....."Did you pack any diapers for Abdu?" No I didn't. His father can buy him some. Well, it seems that Abdu made a stinky at Chucky Cheese and he has no diapers with him. So the Ex called the oldest at home and asked about some diapers. Sigh.

"So tell him to go to wal mart and let him buy some!" I said,exasperated!

In my eyes, it was a no brainer.

But no......at 6:00 the Ex was back and sent Abdu inside to have his bum changed.

I WAS MAD!
Steaming....
LIVID!

W T H???

And I was hating to bite my tongue...but first....I changed my son.....and SURPRISE!!!

His diaper is dry.

Not even pee pee. Nothing. I call my oldest over.....look at this! And show her his completely CLEAN diaper. And that's about all I can take....

I go outside to the Ex who is sitting with MM in the van. He opens the door. I say hi and then I say to him...(and I'm sure there was an edge to my voice)...."Did you check Abdu's diaper? Did you even look inside it?"

"no"

"Well he's completely clean and dry....I guess he farted is all. Might be better if you actually look. Good luck this weekend."

And I walk away feeling Ooooooh so good. In the past, I would NEVER have done such a thing....I'd have shut up about it.....and then jokingly told the inlaws how inept the ex is at being a father......

Oh so good.

I went back inside and the older girls are worried....they ask me exactly what I said....and I can see the computers whirling in their brain....how much will fall back on them in the van as they are driving to his place?....

The 6 yr old wants to go back out to her Father in the van and Abdu is ready again......so I take Abdu's hand and walk him out and a strange thing happens....

Abdu says to me..."No Baba" I'm standing in front of the van now.....the Ex and MM looking at me thru the window. Abdu plants his feet firmly and says again...."no buh bye Baba" So I lean down and tell Abdu...."you are going buh bye with Baba and they you are going to be right back, okay?"

And Abdu doesn't like it.....he runs over to my car and smacks on the door of it and says...."Abdu buh bye Mama" I'm so surprised. The Ex and MM watching from the window and I'm a little embarassed standing in front of them like this.....but the Ex understands what he sees....and gets out of the van.

Dejected. He looks dejected. And he says...

"If he doesn't want to come with me that's okay" And he walks over to where Abdu is at my legs holding tight and kisses him. It's the closest I've physically been to the Ex in 2 years. Curious, I turn my head and look at MM while the Ex is talking to Abdu. There is a stone cold look in her eyes. And I can imagine the picture that she sees and although she sees herself as part of the story......she doesn't fit into the picture in front of her.

Stone cold.

Suddenly I feel disgusted looking down and feel like saying...ENOUGH ALREADY! Abdu is saying to his father..."no buh bye Baba"

The moment finally passes and I go back inside with Abdu.....I tell the oldest that her brother doesn't want to go and she's surprised but agrees to convince him. (Spiderman gloves, Wendy's and more chucky cheese and he's good!)

At this point....tempers seem to be raw....the oldest is upset.....the 15 yr old can't find her boots.....the 12 year old stomps out of the house.....I start getting antsy and yell at the 15 yr old and then immediately apologize. She hugs me and tells me it's okay. And that she'll be home sooner than I think. The oldest then starts getting frustrated with Abdu and says a few things to me. Some aren't nice. I know she's stressed and this is hard for her emotionally..... I'm not upset......I just let her say her piece......

And then....?

Silence.

My house is quiet.

Can you hear that?

Sssshhhhhhhh.