Me and Him and Her.

Ever actually held a seashell up to your ear? Listened to the sound of the ocean? LOL? That's how I feel I'm living my life right now. I hear lots of something, nothing distinguishable.......

I felt that way when I watched that movie White Noise. OMG.....it scared me half to death. And I know it's a really stupid movie....but I couldn't handle looking at that TV screen and not really being able to make anything out. It fed on some base fear I have. So does the idea of sea shells.

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So much has happened. And yet, much remains the same. I'm trying to figure out where my place in it all is. But let me get right to the point.

MM is still around.

It seems that she's fighting like crazy with hubby......but yes, she's still here. I've intercepted many text messages. (that he's not even caring to try to delete anymore....)

Here are some from her to him:

"People are asking me about you......your friend approached me and asked questions...I know my sister texted you......I told her lots of stuff and she loves me, I'm sorry if she upset you.....Eid was so hard on me without you here......I can't take it anymore, I want you to call the Sheikh and do something for yourself, never mind me......you better get it done before we start hating each other.......I can't even breathe anymore......you hung up the phone in my face? I thought you were a better man.........my daughter had an operation and I didn't even know.......tomorrow I will see my ex husband and I'm scared......"

And here's the strange part........Hubby can't reply to her. His phone won't let him. He tried to text MM's sister in Morocco.......it won't allow that either. SubhanAllah. He asked me if I did something to the phone. I didn't.

But then something happened. He took his daughters phone and sent a text to his wife from there. I didn't know. But when I woke up in the morning, my daughter brings me her cell phone with three text messages on it......

"People are asking me why we are living together haraam......why do you talk to people about my rights??......try to text me from your phone...."

I FLIPPED. I FREAKED! WHY THE HELL would he send her from his daughters cell phone??? After all the kids went to school, I talked. Controlled anger. Probably very frightening.

His excuse? So what if I send a text from her phone?

WTH? I said to him..."Your life is your own....but once you start to involve ur daughters in it......it's my duty to protect them. THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE!"

And when I said to him..."LIVING TOGETHER HARAAM??" What is this? He said to me...."You don't know anything!!!"

And I looked at him and said...."oh, I see.....and your 12 yr old daughter would understand that better than me, I guess?"

Ya, that didn't go well.

(and the accusation is from someone who doesn't know that they are married....they are tho...I saw the marriage certificate....)

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And then there is this. We talked later that day in the room. I showed him the text message that MM sent me. "Assalaamu alaikum, Safa. I want to talk to you about something important"

I didn't reply. He asked me to send her back. I refused. He's saying....I want to see what she wants to tell you. If she's a good person or not.

I flipped again. "YOU MEAN AFTER 2 YRS OF MARRIAGE, YOU STILL AREN'T SURE ABOUT IT???"

I absolutely refused to send her back a text. Wasn't about to get involved in their problems, their games. NO WAY! I told hubby that I texted MM back after her Ramadan greeting. He told me that she never got it.

WHAT? I told him, I sent it with a report, I know she got it. Same as she has gotten all my messages.

Nope. He says.

OH YES WAY! She got all my messages, no matter what she's saying. And then he says to me....she admitted to deleting the message that I sent when I found out I was having a c section and asked hubby to call me right away. She admitted to deleting many messages actually.

Sigh.

And so they fight daily. Yesterday he yelled on the phone so loud, that I asked the kids to all go into another room. Today he took his phone out on the balcony. Oh yes....she's calling daily. My new life.

Me. Him. And her.

It's getting old. And yet..........

When we talked our second time, hubby looked at me and said....."remember everything that I told you almost two years ago? About this being temporary? Well, I'm putting things in place....and I need you to just be patient now....."

Yes, he said that to me. I told him 2 yrs isn't temporary. And instead of turning it into a war of words....I accepted what he said. For now. For peace.

But something has made me think twice. And wonder........

What is it that she has on him? Is it something to do with the court case? Do you think? Isn't that the most stupidest thing tho? But for sure she has something on him........Allahu alem.

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The court case......still not done. Something going on.......waiting....waiting.

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For now he is here in Egypt. As far as I know, until March....possibly longer. Although I don't believe it. I'm expecting him to buy another ticket and take off in a month......let's see.

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Life------is calm. Sometimes troubled. Yet there is improvement on some levels. He is taking a dedicated interest in the girls lives......working on being a part of it. Playing with the baby......Yes....there are some changes.

And me? Well.....I've got my ear to the seashell, right? And am trying desperately to figure out just what's being said. Lots of nothing I expect.......

And for now.....just for now.....that's okay.