Close your eyes, we are about to approach the first loop....

Assalaamu alaikum.

I have about 5 hours left. And then I'm a practicing wife again. Hubby will be here. He was only gone a short month....oh how fast it goes.....and again, back in time for Eid. Just barely. But hey, thats the way its always been, hasn't it? I have such a hard time remembering anything else anymore.

All housework is done, things are ironed, sprayed sheets.....well...you guys know my routine. And it's done. Getting things together this time was very difficult.....add Eid and add one more baby....and it sure takes more time than I'm used to.

All day I've been looking forward to hubby's arrival. And yet dreading it at the same time. I really want to hold on to this sense of peace and calm that I've established. And then I just see Hubby getting a million text messages from MM. OH ya....I really look forward to that.

But who knows??

He told me to cancel the Canadian cell phone. That must mean something. Did he manage to sublet the apt? What about his car? The new business that he said he couldn't care less about and was planning to get rid of? (and MM?)

I'm not looking forward to crazy or drama. I'm so tired of the ups and downs....I pray Allah allows me to keep my cool.

OH how I'm curious and how I hope.....(dare I hope?)

And there's more. There's good things happening here....the villa renovations are done....(the brick things, not the painting and stuff). Isn't that great? Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.

But the not so good news?? Well....my mom has finally gotten internet access. And shes giving me the FULL BLOWN guilt trip now.

"you don't care about me, you always listen to your husband no matter what, I need help, you are keeping my grandchildren from me, what if I die?, why do you have to be muslim?"

Oh....it goes on forever with her. And still I sign on and start off our IM with,

"Hi Mom, have you been told I love you today?"

And then she starts.....so today I sort of lost it and sent her an email....I said....

"I will always be your daughter and will always love you, but days like today...you make that very difficult. I wish you'd stop being silly and petty and just love me unconditionally......I've made life decisions concerning myself and my 5 children. They are my responsibility and I'm doing what I think is best for them. I'm always with you, even if far away.....please accept my life decisions and support me....a kind word from you makes the world of difference to me. I will always be you daughter, no matter what, Islam, Judaism, Christianity.....no religion can take me away from my mother......I respect the sacrifices that you made for me when I was a child......please realize that I learned well from you, as I make my own sacrifices for your grandchildren....."

There was more....but I think you all get the gyst of it.....

Mom never had the greatest timing.....

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So anyways.....make dua for me now....and if I don't make it back anytime soon...Happy Eid to all!!