Sigh...
So Noora wrote on Facebook that she got a cell phone...YAY! I was so excited because that means I can now call her without being filtered by her father.... But after I asked her for her number, things didn't go well...
Safa Sharon: Hi Noora....I'm happy that you got a cell phone. Makes it easier to give you a call....send me your number....
Noora: OMG u want me to give you my number really??
And then u put the pik that I told u to dellet 1year ago as abdos profile pik and u no thats guna piss me off DELET THE PIK
Safa Sharon: I'm not deleting the pic. It's one of the few that I have of you and it makes me happy looking at it. If you don't want to send your number then that's fine. You are the one choosing to cut yourself off from us. I miss you and I love you, Noora
Noora: No u don't don't ever say that cus it's not true and I'm just cuting my self from u I don't Wana no you any more it discusts me u saing that my pik makes you happy I'm sick of ur lies aren't u ashamed of ur self?????and what's wrong with u huh??u don't think I no how happy u are that I'm gone naw ??naw there is no prablims right remamber ??ur happy I left and I'm happy I no the real u naw LEAVE ME ALONE I want nothing to do with a person like you I hate my self for nowing u are my mother
Safa Sharon: Well think of this.....now you are acting exactly like MM's own children who don't want her. You didn't think that was right, did you? I'm very surprised and shocked to hear you talking like this....and if you wanted to say mean things to hurt me, well then you succeeded. I pretty much expected that this would happen once you went to live with your father....
If you ever change your mind and decided that you want to contact me, you can always call me.
I love you,
Mama
~~~~
Sigh. I cried when I read her email. Somehow I knew that she would turn on me after living with her father. I just wasn't expecting such anger....and honestly....I can't imagine what garbage he's feeding her.
Sigh.
posted by Safa at 7:11 AM
19 Comments:
Oh Safa *Hugs*. I am so sorry it has come to this with Noora. Honestly, I think the picture was just anything to pick a fight with you. Plus her father is not helping but filling her head with a lot of crap.
My mom went through this with my brother. When my parents split, my brother went to live with my father, and my father wasn't very close to either of us. He started filling my brother's head with all kinds of lies about my mother because she asked for the divorced and he hated her for it. They moved into my grandparents (my father's mom and dad) house soon after. My grandparents didn't like my mom either and pretty much brainwashed my brother. And he believed them.
After my mom and I moved, he stopped calling and visits became less and less. Then he got married and we would only see them once a year (and they lived only an hour away at that time). I asked him why he was doing these things to my mom and he said that she destroyed our family and that she never loved him. I was floored and said that it wasn't true. Then he lashed out at me and how "stupid and wrong" my life turned out (me being Muslim,etc). The last time we saw him, Zane was just a year old. My mom is very heartbroken over it, especially since my brother has 2 kids now. But she she said that she will not interfere in his life anymore. She said that one day he will know the truth. But he has her phone number and he knows where she lives. If he wants to make amends, then fine. But she refuses to keep after him when he doesn't want her too.
I guess the point that I am trying to make is that, right now she is going through a lot and maybe just leaving her alone and stop contact with her for awhile will do a lot of good. She knows you love her (even though she says that you don't). It's typical teenage stuff. Don't take it personally. Deep down, she knows that if it gets really bad, she has a home with you.
I hope things get better soon.
Love and Hugs!
8:46 AM
Thanks so much Colleen. I can understand what you've said about your mom.... Funny how the situation is so similar.
I really feel that you are right about leaving her alone for a bit. But I think what I'm going to do, is send her emails once a month, updates on everyone. Not break off total contact....unless it absolutely comes to that.
And lastly....I read your comment and cried, Colleen....I guess I'm more disturbed and upset than I realized. I was trying to picture Noora married with 2 kids and with me out of the picture......I just can't / won't. Must be so hard for your mom.....
11:44 AM
I guess I see things from a lot of views. When I was Noora's age, I was going through the same things she is now. I was always closer to my mom than my father. It was a very messy divorce (to put it mildly). Everyone was taking sides and no one was really in my mom's corner. My father took everything away from my mom. She was left without any money (except child & spousal support which was next to nothing. And no house either.) cause everything was in my father's name. So when they split, he was hell bent on making her life horrible. He tried to bribe me into staying with him, saying that if I lived with him, I could have a new car and a ski trip (I wanted to learn how to ski at the time), and anything else I wanted. He was trying to buy me, as he always did (my father was the type that rather give me material things than a hug or saying that he was proud of me.) My mom found out about what my father was doing to me. She told me she couldn't give me those things, but she said that all she could give me is love. I took it and to this day, I never regretted it. Not even once. I had no respect for him after that and he lashed out at me (verbally and physically). I stopped contact with him shortly after. The first time I saw in him in years was when my grandfather passed away June 2006 (this all happened in 1998). After I had my son, I did call him and told him. He came to see Zane in the NICU and the first words that came out of his mouth were, "Wow I thought he would be a lot darker." It hurt me deeply. Nothing about how cute he was or anything like that. He left soon after. I tried to reconnect with him on a couple of occasions and he proved to me that he never would change who he is. And the couple of phone calls, in his drunken rages saying the most horrible things...afterwards I said I was done. That I couldn't have him in my life, and I couldn’t have him in my son's either. I was to tired of trying to make the first move in trying to fix our relationship. I told him to never call me or contact me again. I haven't heard from him since.
My mom hurts. She thinks she can hide it well, but I know her. My SIL sent a couple of photos of the kids when Christmas comes around and the look on my mom's face when she sees the pictures...I can't tell you how upset she is inside. But she won't show it. She had a couple of them on the fridge and this past weekend I was cleaning and took them down and stuck them in the drawer. I can't look at them either. It does hurt. But there is nothing we can do about it. Choices were made and it didn't include us. I told my mom that we are still together. And she has Zane, who adores her. And we are going to be ok. She agrees. I think that's why she is looking forward to moving with me. To get away from it all and have some peace. I know she needs it.
12:42 PM
continued...
Noora seems to know what she wants. I know marriage is a HUGE thing. And she is young. I am only saying this cause I care. If this is what *she* wants (not her father or anyone else), then you are going to have to be strong enough to let her do it. Even when you know in your heart that this would be bad for her. If you try to stop her, she will only see it as you interfering in her life, resist even more, and could stop contact with you all together. As parents, we so want to keep our children in a bubble so no harm can come to them. As they grow up, we only want what is best for them. But we also have to learn that they need to make mistakes in life. So that they can learn and grow from them. I was young when I met my first husband. I think the biggest reason was to get away from everyone. To be somewhat on my own. It was disastrous. I came home after 4.5 years of marriage. My mom's door was open to me. Because she loved me and she knew one day I would come home. And I was glad that she never did the "I told you so" lectures or criticized my failed marriage. I chalked it up to a lesson learned and moved on. Just let her know that you will always be there for her if she needs you. And the door is opened for her to come back to.
Sorry this is so long lol!!!
Hang in there!
Love and Hugs!
12:42 PM
Hi. I have been reading the recent developments and i understand how you must be hurting after this last blow, but hang in there. Deep down Noora knows she loves you, but at this moment she must be really confused and for reasons she doesn't even realize she thinks she has to "break up with you". Believe me, she must be under a lot of pressure to pick a side ( when she does not really have to) with MM being pregnant and having seen Baba disown the other siblings, she must be terrified to be associated with the "bad side" of the family.
But she'll come around. Give her time and space but don't turn your back on her. This is exactly what her father wants you to do so he can prove his point. Nurture her, but don't force her to choose. Let him be the one playing dirty games. You be the loving mom that you have always been and sooner than you think she'll realize what a puppet she's been. I'm sorry you have to go through this. love, Lufarah.
3:05 PM
i think ur idea to keep in contact is a good one. she's very angry and she's testing you. if you stop trying to reach out, she'll see it as 'proof' that you are glad she's gone. no matter what she does, never stop including her or showing her that you love her. one day, she'll grow up and hopefully see the difference.
and i can't remember if i said this already or if i just thought it.... but i wonder if her father's attitude will change once MM's baby is born, and if Noora will no longer be the favorite. right now she's just enjoying being the only child (which i think every child in a large family sometimes wishes for). but who knows what will happen...
for now, i'm so sorry that she's being so hard on you. hugs!
3:26 PM
Coming around one thing...Im sure ofd it too...But...I've been only a quet reader of your blog, but even ME i remember swome slight issues...like in Canada when ur ex wen to MM and all the kids jumped on your neck crying....when he didnt come home for Eid.-..the "moroccan outfit"...etc...hiow could Noora forget that?...
In the same time...dont blame me, Safa...im just so eager to know HER
side of the story...what does she think? Marriage? in her age, sorry to say, it might also be a sexual urge (which is btw perfectly fine)....wanting her father's love? Well, I wudn't count on the sexond...cz im afraid, once MM has her kid(s?), she will be NEGLECTED big time...
Allah kerim...make dua, Safa...really...Allah will help...Jennah lies under the mothers' feet...
5:03 PM
Ok I dont want anyone to take me the wrong way but do you think that her father and mm are keeping mm around for maid service? Who is the one thats going to do all the work when the baby comes? Who makes his tea? (I know he is egyptian he must drink ten cups a day)
My father was just like your ex except his he died before he married his mistress. I think you need to use this letter in court along with whatever help you can get from mm's ex. Do noor's sister talk to her? Try and get them to be in contact with her as much as they can.
My heart breaks for noora and for you. You both dont deserve this and he is going to try and make this riff bigger and bigger. Noora is still young and I hope you can get custody revoked wether she likes it or not..
Colls *hugs* your one strong lady!!
One day and Im sure that day is coming soon the fancy stuff is going to run out and she is going to have a rude awakeing and she will know her momma was always there.
Never ever let her make you feel like any of this is your fault..*hugs*
7:19 PM
I meant keeping nora around
7:19 PM
I cant imagine your pain safa, but I feel this will all work out--and soon. I agree with what yas has said..I too think Noora is being kept as the housemaid, and am sure she will no longer be the darling once MM has her spawn. Sorry to say but I look forward to Noora's rude awakening! I cant believe she has been so selfish and mean to all of you. Raabinna doesnt leave anyone...she will suffer from this one day because she is surely old enough to act and think better.
In the meantime, YES, YES, YES...this is one more thing that needs to get into the court record. In fact, I would call social services and report your ex and MM for child abuse. BTW, it sounds like they live in a ghetto/project. A 1 bedroom place is basically illegal for all those people--hell it's illegal even if it isnt public housing. If you report them, social services will step in---report them for their filthy living conditions and their child abuse of Nura--and throw in the info that MM is barred from seeing her own kids. I personally would play it up like Noora has been basically kidnapped and brainwashed--cuz she surely has. If it was me I would do everything I could to get Noora away from Hosni and the witch, by legal means. Child services just loves cases like this--use it to yor advantage. BTW--no news from the reporter who wrote your story before???
10:52 PM
*by filty livng conditions I mean not only the whole building they live in but the bed bug infestation too! And am thinking a place like that might be a haven for drug dealers, etc...is it even a safe place for her to be? BTW--how and where is she going to school???
10:57 PM
Safa this breaks my heart...Noora must be seriously under lot of preassure from her dad to say those horrible things to you. But I'm pretty sure she loves you, she is too scared of admiting it.
I agree with the idea that she might want to get married to have sex, she is in that age, and of course playing hte holy muslim girl, she wouldn't have sex otherwise...or at least she would be too scared of her dad to go out...anyway, has she started school? try to make sure you find out her grades, if they go down, then that would be other thing to tell the court, that all this is affecting your daughter's studies...
hugs...
1:41 AM
Oh my heart breaks for you and Noora, I know you both are suffering. But believe me, from experience, she loves you. She is trying to gain her fathers attention by doing what she believes he wants. He disrespects you and she sees this, so she thinks by disrespecting you, she will gain his love. He has not been steady in her life, and deep down she knows this and is trying to get as much of his attention she can before the new baby comes. She feels like everything is her fault and if she can gain some attention from her father and erase all those feelings from the past.
Be a steady figure in her life, be there even if she "says" she does not want you there, she is doing what I my self have done. She is trying to hurt you before you can hurt her. She probably thinks by her wanting to see her father, and wanting to go to Egypt with him, that you were mad at her. Stay in contact with her, dont give up on her, she is hurting and said things she didnt mean, she has heard them from her father. Just love her, and encourage her sisters to stay in contact with her.
Much love and respect,
Carolyn
6:34 AM
Safa - what an f'n mess - pardon my french. You certainly do not deserve to be disrespected in this manner - but as someone who has been there - you need to work at not taking it personally. My son was 16 when he informed me that he hated me - had been waiting for 16 years - and this unfortunately cannot really come as a 'big' shock - you must have been 'expecting' it one day - sooner or later - because you truly knew - deep down - that as soon as she went to live with her dad that this was coming down. One day she will 'wake up' and realize what she has done and I would not want to be in her shoes - because I think - knowing her - that the guilt will be devestating. Keep in touch with her as much as you can - emails - updates - whatever - so that it is brought home to her that you have not 'abandoned' her. Do not expect anything back from her - do not get discouraged - keep up doing what you have been doing - you have four other children who are definitely counting on you - you are their rock. Keep being strong - I know you can do it. Love ya, Maureen
7:51 AM
Oh teenage girls can be such evil, self-centered witches. Thankfully, the overwhelming majority outgrow it. You did the right thing. Noora is going to have to learn the hard way what real parental love means. I don't mean to keep harping on it but don't you think the whole concept of her being "daddy's favorite" is going to go bust when the new baby comes along. Hosny is so fickle about his affection and attention that she is really making a mistake to bet on his devotion. But she's old enough to make her mistakes and it's the only way she will learn.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. Keep reminding yourself that all this WILL pass and stay in touch within limits. By that I mean, let her know what is going on with her family as much as possible, but do NOT allow her to wreak havoc on your home life by manipulating the other kids.
Love you,
Lisa
1:09 AM
I got teary reading this! I can't imagine the pain you must feel right now.
Insh. she will know that you love her and are there for her. I also think she's doing this to please her father. Any chance it was HIM typing that message?
5:02 AM
Yes that was exactly what I am thinking Cindi!!Maybe it is him who typed this message.Or his wife!I dont believe that you daughter typed this.I is from someone who really hate you safa,so I cant imagine your daughter wrote this.
6:46 AM
honestly sharon, i never thought she would go this far. i knew she was always his girl but i never thought she would turn on you because of him.
someone said how could she forget all the things he did, all the holidays he wasnt there, all the broken promises...that may be the very thing that is making her cling to him.
she needed him more than the other children did. yes they all needed her, but there is something in her that needs that love from him. she may feel that finally he is making up for all the broken promises and missed holidays. maybe it devastated her and now she is feeling some acceptance.
although all of this is not excusable, she is still just a girl with emotions out of control.
she will be so sad one day when she realizes what she has done now. she may not ever be a person who can take the first step and come to you...it may take you working on it.
no matter what, let her know the door is open.
i also want to say, we need to remember who we are dealing with here.....the ex and MM, not two of your most honest, considerate, moral people. there is just no telling what those two are saying to her. especially with her being a middle child, she is now being showered with attention, but what will happen when there is a little one? is she to become the babysitter?
3:13 PM
You're a good mother, S. You said the right things. This will resolve itself one day. Hang in there...Noora will come back to you.
6:05 AM
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