Sigh.....
I received a phone call from one of the SIL's yesterday. She wants us to come back to Egypt. She seemed very upset and insistent. I told her very clearly.....WE ARE NOT COMING.
And then she spilled the beans.....
Hubbex will be getting married before Ramadan.
..........and I said to her.......so what? He's free to go on with his life. I reminded her that when he divorced me last summer, he promised me that he'll marry again. This is no surprise.
What does suck tho......is that he has money for the new marriage. But no money for his children. Yeah, it sucks.
posted by Safa at 8:08 PM
31 Comments:
I don't understand why she would try to talk you into coming back under those circumstances. I just don't understand her reasoning.
9:34 PM
It would not surprise me to know that hubbex is putting his family up to this - only way he can get you back under his thumb is for you to come back to Egypt where he will keep you on a very tight leash.
I know it sucks that he will not help to support his children - but I truly believe in the long run you will be much better off - no strings attached, no hoops to jump through - you and the kids are free and clear to live your best life possible with no outside interference.
2:26 AM
ditto to egianqueen. very well said.
5:31 AM
so i had to add this. unless he's a big fat liar or egyptian women are ultra shallow, why would a woman want to marry a man like him? really? If I knew a man with 5 children married 2 women behind his wifes back and left them with nothing I would run far far away.
5:33 AM
I'm guessing that whoever prospective wifey is....she'll never know the whole story before marriage....
8:57 AM
then i feel bad for her too. another life potentially ruinied because of one person.
You know safa, I will never understand men who let their **** run their life. How pitiful! There is way more to life than getting laid especially if you have to lie and cheat to get some. This isn't what marriage is supposed to be about. Doesn't the quran say, and i'm paraphrasing, that allah made us in pairs so that we can find love and mercy in one another. I cannot see any love or mercy in any of this.
Good for you safa for standing up for yourself and your children. I love how you said in a previous post that you guys are finally happy. It's wonderful when us women finally realize that we don't always have to be the martyr. When we are happy our children will be happy too.
10:05 AM
Sounds like an emotional scam, possibly a forced and slightly reluctant Sil, I don't know her and if she plays their games.
The pleading voice, but also demanding, when that prompted a huge ole NO she revealed what she by now should know that is a fairly little threat to you, him marrying again. He did it twice whilst you were married, heck yes of course he is getting married...
Who in the world has an ego so large that he or she thinks that it would prompt you back to the past, not being around or seing your and your kids misery?
How will this new marriage affect her so much she should go into distress?
Why hide his marriage plans whilst working up a need to breathe into a bag from insisting and pleading?
What would your prompte arrival resolve?
For you, her, would he then stop it?
Stinks like bait to me...
Stay put and be free and happy. He is slowly driving himself into even more misery. Sit back on your porch and watch, or better yet take your precious kids to watch a movie...
Nevermind what he uses his money for, cos money can't buy you love...:-)
11:53 AM
Well...I guess none of this is a surprise. I pity that poor woman, though. She ought to ask some more questions such as: What happened to your last wife? Where are your kids?
12:32 PM
Yea, I feel bad for the new wife. Safa, you're strong, and past his crap, but this does have to sting a tiny bit, and that's ok.
2:18 PM
There is absolutely no reasoning behind this kind of farcical family manipulation. If you were to go back to him, he will marry again anyway and if you don't he will also marry again. The main is an gi-normous oinker who only cares about himself. As long as he is still living and breathing, you are better off letting him abuse someone else half a world away. Yuck!
And btw, have I mentioned lately how much I hate the manipulative behavior of Arab families? '-)))
Love you and the kids,
PM
5:48 PM
You are on the right path for yourself. Stick with it.
You are over and done with his family and him.
Sadiyah
8:33 PM
Shatheed is a miserable person...I don't feel bad for him though. He is digging himself deeper into a hole but I really for real don't believe there is another woman...cuz umm yeah I just don't believe it.....I think it was a scam one last attempt to get you to come running back
12:20 AM
What is wrong with this man that he feels like he has to be in a marriage at all times, is his sex drive so great that he has to justify it by marriage? He has absolutely no self esteem if he is jumping from woman to woman. So I wonder if he divorced the last one or if she knows he is getting married AGAIN!! What # is this one #4 or #5?
5:25 AM
The news does not affect me emotionally. I even told that to the SIL, I said to her...so what if he's getting married? Is this something new?
MM is not divorced. He left Canada, and yes, he made some paper that says he's divorced, showed it to my 13 yr old. But MM is not aware of any such paper. She thinks he's coming back to Canada, and thinks they are still married. I wonder about this so called "paper".
Anyways, yesterday I sent MM a text message...."Aa. Gowzik hagowiz wahda thaniya abla Ramadan. Ukhoo kalimnee wa ana kunta ayza balaaik"
"AA...ur husband will marry another before Ramadan. His brother spoke to me and I wanted to let you know"
I wonder if she's freaking? She didnt' respond. And I could care less. I hope it knocks over his teapot.
And no, the sex drive isn't that great.....remember I told you all that I found Viagra in his wallet, correct? It's about pride, this new marriage. Do I even tell the kids?
In my best opinion, I say nothing. Let him kill himself whatever way he sees fit. Egypt is no longer a part of our lives, and neither is he. By his own choosing. I will remain focused on my children and my goals here.
Truly the kids are the ones who need me. Just as I need myself. There are so many worthy causes that need some attention. Shatheed is not one of them.
5:46 AM
that man is just crazy, another wife????he seems to collect them!
Good on you for telling MM, I bet he is not happy about it lol
8:24 AM
I also think this is his way of getting you back. Although if he does marry again, it won't surprise me.
I am happy you are not affected by this! I won't say anything to the kids, let him do it.
12:58 PM
Yeah, it sucks.
IT SUCKS FOR MM AND THE NEW WIFE!
You're fine;-)
2:08 PM
Safa,
I just listened to your radio interview. I hope you can find your niche in Canada. Your daughter sounds so strong and supportive. Your ex could get remarried, but he'll never recover from the loss he brought on himself.
3:12 PM
wow im shocked. but then again, im not. whats so new right.
i think you did good by telling his 'wife' in canada. and did great by going to canada and getting out from under his influence.
the only one who will live to truly regret that he didnt spend anything on his kids is him. that's really sad.
Naureen
4:21 PM
radio interview??? Is it on the net?? I want to hear it!!
1:07 AM
safa, he found out he couldnt "get to you" with his other tactics so he thought by him taking another wife it would hurt you. why else would the SIL call you to let you know! its all a plot. let him marry. let them all suffer. if there is a new wife, im just sorry for her.
when i divorced the first time i used to wonder how he could do all the things that he did (financially) but not send me any money for the kids. oh God, we were suffering too. finally, i realized he would never help. i stopped trying to understand him. i didnt give a damn anymore if he took 100 vacations a year while we ate bread sandwiches (sometimes thats all we had...me and the 4 children), i realized he was a faulty human who didnt have real feelings. and i went on and did it all myself. we had thin years, but it got better. the children all grew up. and we made it alhamdullilah. my ex gave me 20 dollars in 10 years. but i did what i had to do.
5:46 AM
Brujita,
There is a link to the radio show on Safa's July 21 post.
7:48 AM
Ohh, did y'all see this?
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/2518720/New-Sharia-law-marraige-contract-gives-Muslim-women-rights.html
2:47 PM
Safa, it's shocking but not. LOL
He's a jerk and alhumdullilah that you got out of there while you can mend your girls and save your son the heart ache.
Don't tell the kids he took another wife. MOst likely it won't work out either. Look at his track record. If they find out just say, "oh, let's pray for his new wife." and change it from a betrayl to something sad for another human being.
Anyway, still glad it's not you going thru all that in Egypt. Proud you were able to walk away.
5:25 PM
I'm sure it hurts, even though you were the one to leave. He really doesn't care about anyone but himself. He really is kelb.
Hugs to you and the kids!
Anisah
8:01 AM
Safa, when I saw you today I cant describe the difference.
you were glowing, lighter, smiling, and just so at peace.
it was just the best...
you are on the right path. Allah will guid you. do not look back. you have walked forward.
Alhm.
10:23 PM
He doesn't waste anytime, does he? It's a shame that for sure the new wife doesn't know a thing about the real him. I wonder if she even knows that he said he wasn't Muslim anymore? Or maybe she isn't Muslim either? Either way....it's a good thing you and the kids are far, far away from that mess of a man.
7:05 PM
i don't think that the $%**%$% had any intention of getting you back, that was just his 'lead in' to tell u he's getting remarried and to try to hurt you (even if it isn't true). the only people that he continues to hurt are his children, but Alhumdulillah they have you.
i agree w/ sobia... there's no point telling the kids, and it's not your news to tell. let him, if/when he calls his children, be the one to tell them. if they ask you if you knew, you can honestly say that you didn't believe SIL.
i'm so glad to hear from your friend's comment above how much happier you are right now. i hope that you can inspire more women with your interviews.
8:09 AM
Allah is the Best Provider. Your rizq has already been written for you. better it comes from a pure and good source than a bad one that could cause you harm.
and HEYYYY, awesome interview! you and your daughter are so well-spoken masha allah. good for you both for being inspirations to other muslim women out there.
10:34 AM
You gotta feel sorry for the new wife.
And for mm...who stays with him.
But I don't feel sorry for you. Because I know you're on a road that has hope all over it. And happiness, insha Allah. You're doing what you're supposed to be doing...loving your Lord, and caring for your children. The hubbex is doing..well..whatever he's doing.
Allah watches us in all that we do. And He's watching now too. Should the kids know? I wouldn't bother telling them..what's the point in causing more upset? I don't think it'll matter much. And eventually, later on, the kids will get what they deserve, financially insha Allah. For now I'd just encourage them to reach out, find their own happiness and live life. Life in Canada ain't so bad, eh? :)) Huggggs I love you so much Saf...you're doing FABULOUSLY...you're the bestest sister I know, wallahi. He can't take from you what he doesn't have.
1:38 AM
Okay sisters I know this is off topic but just in case any of you are looking for a work at home job, here are a few:
International:
ChaCha
http://search.chacha.com/guidesignupnow
(If your apply through them please pay close attention to the video before the exams. You WILL be tested on it)
Working Solutions
http://workingsol.com/
I have had many sisters tell me that working solutions has been a success.
And here is two that only hire within the USA:
West Corp:
http://www.westathome.com/
Alpine Access
http://www.alpineaccess.com/
Alpine would probably be the best of the 2. Although there is a 35 dollar background fee. It is a legit job though. I have a friend who works with them and she does get paid every 2 weeks I think and she says she makes $9 per hour. Also the hours are set hours and you get paid whether you get calls or not.
Everyone one except chahca is telemarkings and customer care.
Anyhow just thought I would list these in case any sisters were looking for some extra income.
Salam
11:45 AM
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