I am willing

I've been keeping myself busy with many things lately. Slowly trying to step out into the muslim community. Worried that fingers will be pointed at me, with small whispers following me saying oh so softly..."she's the one who spoke". Yes, I feel that. And yet I remind myself that our precious prophet said...""Whoever amongst you sees anything objectionable, let him change it with his hand, if he is not able, then with his tongue, and if he is not even able to do so, then with his heart, and the latter is the weakest form of faith."

I take comfort in knowing that I did just that. Even if I used the media for it. I have since learned that a few masajids were approached by the Registrar General, wanting to see the records of marriage. I know that Aly Hindy's Mosque has a reduced attendance. I do not regret my actions.

I've contacted a few muslim groups, and offered to volunteer. I am also going to put my children in Islamic Schools....insha Allah. I was approached by a sister at the recent MuslimFest. She said to me..."my mother has suffered as you have......" And it brought tears to my eyes.

It isn't the polygamy that made me suffer. Although it was definitely a factor......it was the unfair, abusive behaviour of my husband, who wrongly practiced it. It was the abuse of a man, incapable of being fair between his wives, and not caring less. This man, who is now on the threshold of yet another marriage, and who continues to shun his children. By not supporting them, and even worse....not even talking to them. This man who has openly told me that he is no longer muslim 3 times.

I have found out recently, that hubbex isn't divorced from MM. It's a lie. She's sitting pretty here in Canada waiting for his return. She sent me a text message back after I texted about the nuptials. She says...and I translate......

"I have encouraged him to marry. He's allowed 4 and we are muslim. I don't like seeing him alone. I am sure of my place in his heart"

Yeah, whatever sweetheart. After he marries, she will once again go ballistic and do the 100 phone calls per day thingy. I'm happy I'm out of that drama.

So I remain firm in my beliefs, and trudge forward. There are days when the kids start arguing and getting out of hand that I wish for their fathers loud voice......but then I find mine.

The road in front of me is paved with all sorts of things. I look at each as a challenge and am enjoying the scenery. I've kept in contact with good people and for the first time in my life.....say what I want to say. I'm terribly naughty with my bestest friend......and loving and warm with the new ones. I'm discovering that there is a lot more to Safa than I thought.

And always....I thank Allah for my path. Allah has written this while I was still in the womb. All I want is blessings and reward. My eye is on the akhirah.......May Allah give it to me. All the muslims, insha Allah.

Oh Allah! Whatever you want with me....I am willing.