My dear, Mountain Ash.....

Looking off my balcony today, I realized I miss fall colours. The burnt oranges, browns, dark greens turning yellow.....what a beautiful time of year. In front of my apt, there is a mountain ash tree, besides a couple of date trees and a ton of flower busy things. Now I was getting my hopes up years ago about that mountain ash tree...thinking that I'd at least have it to watch, slowly turn into a golden beautiful tree before it gave up its goods. But alas, a life of green I am to suffer here, where the trees are mostly ever green.....no changing colors to share the passing of the seasons. (sigh)

So this mountain ash tree was my firm pillar. I watched that tree as the cold season approached...nope, not a yellow or a gold....just green. And then suddenly, one day....nothing. No, really. All the leaves fell off. As if they were all dead on the branches and a few kids shook them all down in one go! It's been happening for 5 yrs now, and I still can't believe it.

But doesn't that faithfully represent the turns my life has taken? Shotgun therapy for me.....bandaid therapy for me. And a huge tree, full of vibrant leaves, just one fine day decides to let go. We are in this together, my dear Mountain Ash.

You know, since I am part Native Indian, my mom used to tell me as a child that winter was called, "little death", because all the plants would lie dormant under the ground waiting for just the right moment to be "reborn". As we approach the "little death" here in Egypt...I remember that. I remember the smell of Mom's corn soup on the stove while she'd tell me this. She'd tell me, "never fear death, my dear...it's only a period of time until we are reborn...." Thanks, Mom.

Although I never was a firm believer in her ways, I always took the wisdom from her words. Maybe that best describes me right now.....laying dormant, desensitized, indifferent until I have just the right moment to be reborn. And it seems that instead of doing it on my own strength, and firmness, that I'm waiting for someone to help me out. So if my plant lay dormant in the ground too long, can it skip a season? I wonder....I must ask.......

Until I find out...I have to watch that Mountain Ash tree....any day now....any day now.....it's going to wake up naked....exposed....giving up all it has, in a final throw of little death....I want to be there this time....watching.....crying.....mourning......praying that we'll both make it thru another season.

We are in this together, my dear Mountain Ash.